Have you ever relied way too much on someone else for your happiness?

Asked by yankeetooter (9651

) March 15th, 2016

I’m having a real moment of epiphany lately. I realize that I’ve been doing the above for quite some time now. The problem is it’s gotten worse lately as other things in my life that bring me joy have been taken away. A little while ago, I posted a question about how I was losing so many things in my life that I love to do. And I’m realizing that more and more I’ve been relying on a particular relationship to bring me what little joy comes my way. And now I’m really not quite sure how I stop doing that. Everytime I try to find something else to put my focus on I find that it’s inaccessible because of everything going on with my health.

So how does one get past that? I don’t want to end the friendship and I don’t think the other person would understand if I did. The problem is not them, it is me. What I have decided to try and do is kind of take a step back and let them have some more space. I don’t even know if they’re feeling like they need more space but from my perspective I feel like I have been infringing on them.

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7 Answers

No, I don’t rely enough on all those someone-elses in my life, which is unfortunate. Friends and family can bring so much joy, but I always look to myself for my own happiness.

Love_my_doggie (13077

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I’ve tried that, and I’m not finding any happiness so what that means I don’t know.

yankeetooter (9651

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That has been a pattern of mine which I am working on breaking. It destroyed a friendship I had with a guy. I am working hard out figuring out the holes I am trying to fill (metaphorically speaking!) with another person and see if I can fill them in other ways and with other people. I have more mobility than you do at this point and I empathize with you.

janbb (63219

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Its called Codependency and there are several excellent books about it which you might find helpful: this one explains it from a brain perspective and what the latest research indicates.
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https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=W9gfAgAAQBAJ&source=productsearch&utm_source=HA_Desktop_US&utm_medium=SEM&utm_campaign=PLA&pcampaignid=MKTAD0930BO1&gl=US&gclid=COHwnI_-w8sCFRP1Mgodx_gNDA&gclsrc=ds
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The second one is older but still very useful as it has helped many people.

The title is :“Codependent No More” The authot is Melody Beattie.

Buttonstc (27605

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Thanks @Buttonstc for pointing out codependency.

@yankeetooter No one other than your self can give you happiness, and any reliance on another person for happiness will only result in disappointment. And happiness cannot be sought as a goal or an endpoint; happiness arises from joy and satisfaction in living your life.

zenvelo (39546

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