How to punish a teen for constantly missing her curfew?

Take her phone away. Take away her access to the car. Cut her allowance.

Whatever you do, do not focus on the boyfriend or say behavior has changed because of him. Focus on her behavior and not getting home in time, and being rude on the phone. And set boundaries and consequences that are proportional, an stick to them.

If she was grounded, how did this happen 3 of the last five weekends?

And, is her curfew similar to other kids you would consider to be good kids? Is it negotiable at all?

Have you asked her what her punishment should be?

Talk to her about the curfew time. The thing about curfew is it let’s a parent know hen to start worrying. Kids think of curfew as a way for parents to control them or get angry about something.

Why is she late all the time. Why? Will an extra half an hour or hour make a huge difference so she can be compliant? Or, will she still be late, because she is being disrespectful and irresponsible? Involving her in the agreement of what time she has to be home might improve her commitment to abiding by it.

You can talk to her boyfriend and make sure he knows the curfew time.

Otherwise, you just might have to ground her if she isn’t compliant. I had friends who were grounded all the time and it didn’t seem to work much, but they were chronic. It’s worth trying it as a punishment at least a few times I think, how long is she grounded? Grounded on the weekend, or all week? You can take away something that matters to her more if the grounding doesn’t work. You have the problem that she is 17. She knows just a few more months and she’s an adult. Not that it’s a reason to disrespect you, she’s wrong, but I’m just talking about how 17 year olds look at it.

What time is her curfew? Do you suspect she is drinking or doing anything dangerous? If not, maybe work out a later curfew. If you’re worried about sex, I had sex almost every day after school with my high school boyfriend. Time of day had no affect on that.

I’m with @zenvelo – if she was grounded, how was she still going out on weekends?

Since she is nearly an adult, it may be time to loosen up on some rules rather than clamping down harder. This is a difficult stage for parents to get through, I know. Been there, done that. Not super fun.

All that said, assuming that you have been giving her more freedom as she has gotten older and that her curfew is reasonable and inline with her age group, tell her if she can’t get home on time, she can’t go out at all. For at least a solid week (including the weekend), if not two.

What is her curfew? How late did she come home each time? How long did you ground her for on each occasion?

A chastity belt with a heavy 40-foot chain leading from the back to a metal stake embedded in the middle of her bedroom floor. It would not only keep her in the castle, it would make her a big, strong girl who could take care of herself later when the belt is removed, if ever.

God, I am glad I never became a parent. Kudos to all of you who are.

Looks like the OP has left the building.

I think she stole my wallet.

If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
—Deuteronomy 21:18–21

Take the door off of her room for a week. I promise you this will work.

Is she a junior or a senior?

In any case you might try bargaining a little more future freedom – after the school year is finished – for a little better behaviour now.

@ragingloli might have it there, sort of. What about inviting the kids she hangs out with for a pow wow, and their parents. Present your concerns to them. Ask the assemblage what the current curfew is for the other kids, and how is that working for them.
After your guests leave, discuss what you learned with your daughter. Maybe she will learn something from it too.
I would hold off on the stoning.

Your grip is almost over. I don’t know what you are trying to achieve. She is probably already sexually active. All my friends and myself were at her age. I had tons of sex when I was 17 in a car at 3PM. The cat is out of the bag..

Your job has now shifted from prevention to education.

Unless you want to engage in a non-stop fight with your daughter, you have to find a way to meet her half-way. What time is her curfew? How does this compare to her friends? Have you calmly asked her why she keeps ignoring your curfew? Perhaps instead of trying to figure out how you can punish her, you can work with her to reach an agreement. Perhaps it’s time for some diplomacy rather than authority.

And no matter what her curfew is I would make sure
she is on birth control and using it. I remember at 17
having to beg my mom to get on BC and the answer
was NO!. My brother finally got me some. This was
back in the day when you couldn’t go to the Dr. w/o
your parent before you were 21!.

@MooCows What day was that?! Are you sure you didn’t just feel you couldn’t go to the doctor? I remember thinking I had to tell my mom I needed the pill, and then when I was at the doctor, the doctor said she would have kept a separate file for me from my main chart. I wished I had known, but my mom was good about it anyway. A few years later I took a younger friend to planned parenthood so she could get BC. This was back in the early 80’s.

Stop with the punishments. Your daughter is pretty much an adult. If you’ve set good examples up to this point, she’ll be fine. You need to provide guidance when she asks, and talk to her about everything you consider important. You can’t be rule enforcers for much longer, and now’s your chance to become trusted sounding boards instead.

This user account closed. Guess they didn’t care for our answers.

Or, our most excellent answers solved all the OP’s life problems and she deleted her account before prancing off to live happily every after, @Here2_4! ~