How concerned should I be about my boyfriend's health?

Has the doctor suggested medication for his cholesterol?

Cholesterol levels are supposed to be below about 180. Your boyfriend’s cholesterol is high, as you are aware.

@jca Yes, I’m very aware.

He was on statins for a while, which kept it under control. Unfortunately, he had to stop because he was suffering a rare side-effect of potentially fatal muscle degradation and a parathyroid adenoma, for which he required surgery.

After that, he was given a chalky drink mix called Welchol, which is supposed to be drunk before the largest meal of the day. The idea is that it binds to the fats in food before they can reach the bloodstream and passes them out with stool.

Admittedly, he was lax about using it regularly and after a while, I forgot to remind him. However, this Welchol isn’t nearly as effective as statins and certainly isn’t carte blanche to go on a daily buffet bender without consequences.

My question is, how concerned should I be? Is he at an increased risk of early death? I’m very scared of losing him if he doesn’t get his love of sneaking hot dogs under control.

You can’t change anybody so really, all you can do is lead by example, cook and offer him healthier foods when you are together. I hate Quinoa and kale too. haha
What he eats when he is away from you is none of your business, quite frankly. If you don’t like his habits then you need to move on and not nag the poor guy to death.

Anytime you try to control anothers behavior whether this is eating, drinking, drugs, whatever, you take on a codependent role. Either you accept him as he is, with his issues or you decide you want to find someone that mirrors your lifestyle choices more, and then go. He’s a big boy and an adult and he can eat or drink whatever the hell he wants and doesn’t need a mommy hovering over him. His body, his health, his choice.

Trying to control others behavior is a dead end street and not something anyone wants to put up with long term nor something that anyone should aspire to as a partner.

Obviously it’s a concern, but you can’t make him follow a healthy diet. All you can do is make sure when you cook meals, you cook healthy food and that you lead by example. Let him know you’re worried, that you love him and that his diet concerns you. If you try to force him to change his diet, he will just sneak hotdogs behind your back. He has to want to make this change himself. He has to adjust his own thinking and accept he has a health issue that requires his attention. You can’t force this to happen and he’ll probably just become angry and resentful if you try.

I can tell you about me, but it’s all so individual. Genetics plays a big roll.

My cholesterol is 270 since I was tested the first time at age 16. If I eat what I like eating it’s 270. Even when I was a very thin girl, which I was at 16, and fairly thin through my mid 30’s it was 270. The exception is when I cut my cholesterol intake. I used to cut out eating egg yolks, and obvious bad stuff like cake, and within 3 weeks it was down at around 225. If I really control my cholesterol and count milligrams keeping it below 50mg a day, I go even lower. If I were a vegan I feel pretty sure I would have normal cholesterol levels.

I tell you my numbers, because if you really want to test if his cholesterol goes down regarding the food he eats, ask him to test it for just three weeks. That’s not a torturous amount of time to “diet.” If his number drops 50 points in a few weeks like mine does, it might make an impact in him. He might see how much each bite of the bad stuff matters.

Your job is you need to know how much cholesterol is in foods. My opinion is eating turkey instead of beef isn’t really a great trade. I’m going off memory, but I think 6 oz of turkey (white meat) is around 120 mg, steak is maybe 160. It depends on the cut. One egg is 200mg. How often do people eat only one egg at a time? A 3 egg omelet with cheese, easily 600–700 mg. However, eggs do have some good benefits too.

All I’m saying is know the numbers if you do the three week test. You have to think about the ingredients in a dish too. Fresh pasta is made with egg, matzoh balls have a lot of egg. Protein powders often have a lot of cholesterol. Cheese has a lot of cholesterol. Butter has a lot of cholesterol. Creamy dressing can have a lot of cholesterol. Mashed potatoes.

Only animal products have cholesterol.

So, back to me. I’m 48, have had high cholesterol a long time, and do worry that my cardiac health is on borrowed time. My dad had bypass at 46. His mom died in her late 40’s or early 50’s, I’m not sure, from a heart attack. My maternal great uncles died from heart attacks, one in his late 30’s and one in his 40’s, I could go on. However, I’m overall more active than all of them were, so I’m hoping it helps. If his family lives long lives, there is good reason to hope he has good genes and might be very lucky. It’s better not to leave it all to luck of course. My mom takes a non-statin cholesterol drug.

In the end you can’t do much, except feed him healthy food when you cook for him, and try to educate him in the cholesterol and fat content in foods. You can’t guess, people guess wrong all the time if they never have taken the time to actually look things up. Check his blood pressure once in a while to make sure it’s normal.

@LeavesNoTrace: From what I gather from the responses above, the choices are either you let him do his thing and he may or may not be concerned about his health, or you act like a nurse/mommy and keep after him, nag him and put yourself of possibly being considered annoying.

The bottom line is, as others have mentioned, if he doesn’t want to do it for himself, you can’t make him. You can’t be with him 24/7 and if he wants to eat the wrong thing, that’s on him. The question is do you want to be with someone who does not seem to care about his health (if, in fact, that’s the direction he goes, showing disregard with his cholesterol).

Some people would not want to be with someone who shows a blatant disregard for their health, especially if they stubbornly refuse to try to rectify the issue. A good friend married a man who was about 400 lbs, smoked and drank and ended up getting cancer (smoking and drinking in combination cause higher rates of this type of cancer). He’s dead now, he died in his early 50’s. She tried to get him to eat right, and he’d push the vegetables off his plate, very stubborn. I couldn’t be with someone like that. It would piss me off too much. No, she could not make him eat the right thing but the fact that he showed no enthusiasm for trying to do the right thing independently would not sit too well with me.

Read this.

If you don’t remember when eating an egg was like putting a gun to your head, I do:
MYTH: Egg Yolks Are Bad For You
Myth 2. Eating eggs raises your cholesterol levels.
Myth: Eggs Are Bad for Your Heart

It’s Time to End the War on Salt

A lot of the health issues we try to make black and white are grey.
Do the best you can on your end, but don’t make yourself sick worrying about your fiancee’s health at the age of 34. Encourage him to get regular check-ups. The doctor will nag him whether it’s warranted or not, so you don’t have to.

At your ages – a lot.
You need to make the choice for yourself. Note: I’m intentionally being a bit over the top to make a point. At 34 he is well on the way to being an obese, TV watching, beer drinking blob when he’s 50. Throw in diabetes on top of the hypertension and related heart health problems and you are sleeping with a time bomb.
Everything in life is better when you are in shape. Walking, sleeping, breathing, living, ... yep even sex. Obesity has been linked to erectile dysfunction and lower testosterone levels. . Joints wear out faster when they are lugging extra weight. Knees, hips, and ankles are all favorites for making life miserable for the obese. Does e snore like a buzz saw? Wait until he’s 40 and needs to wear a CPAP to help his sleep apnea. You will love sleeping next to the machine as it pumps all night.
Are you planning to spend the rest of your life with this guy? Do you expect to have children with him? Are you thinking of enjoying a happy love life for years to come?
Think it through. This is very likely the best shape he will be in and at the rate he is going it is downhill from here.
You need to make a choice for yourself.

And you can tell him I said so! ;-)

@ibstubro That’s why you need to do the three week test. See if your cholesterol is affected by cholesterol consumption. I have a girlfriend who eats eggs every other day and has low cholesterol. I told you my experience. I can eat sugar straight from the box and my glucose is fine. Another person can die from it if their insulin producing mechanism doesn’t function correctly.

The recent studies about eggs being ok (I didn’t bother to read your links) have said that there are people who are affected by the cholesterol they consume, it just depends in the individual.

Doctors usually have patients change their diet and come back for testing in 2–3 months. That’s too long. Most people don’t stay on diets that long. Plus, for people like me, if I have a lot of cholesterol a few days before the test I’m spiked way back up again.

@LuckyGuy word.

To add to what @LuckyGuy said, diabetes often causes erectile dysfunction. Ditto with clogged arteries.

@ibstubro: It doesn’t sound like the boyfriend goes to the doctor enough for doctor’s lecture to be effective.

If I were you, I will sit down with him and have a very private conversation. I look him in the eyes and tell all my worries regarding him, how I lack sleep every night just thinking about his health, how it always bother my peace of mind for every spare time I have, etc and I will get really serious (with teary eyes too, if possible). Then I will make him swear to never try to ‘poison’ himself, ever again, rarely is OK but not continuosly, as if he does that again it’ll really, really hurt your feeling. I’m sure he’ll swear and hurting you feeling will be the last thing that’ll cross his mind. If he’s a good man, he’ll never break his oath.

If that doesn’t work, I’ll get some (educational) videos about the danger of cholesterol and the (suffering) life of the victims that suffer from cholesterol, I’ll insist that he watches it. This is a good psychological shock-therapy that I know will work on most people.

Research over the counter products such as fish oil, co q 10, or red yeast rice. I personally know of two people that the red yeast rice lowered their cholesterol, but I am in no way prescribing it. Just do your research if you are interested in alternatives to statins.

As a guy I can tell you that none of the movies or doctor’s lectures about heart health will affect him.
Telling him he will have ED at age 50 will!

Also telling him he had better turn it around now or you are going to start looking for another life partner, might also do it.

I am over 60. It really saddens me to see young people waste and damage their youthful bodies by doing something so easily corrected. Who wants to go through life carrying around a 50 pound sack of blubber 24/7? It sounds like an advanced interrogation technique invented by the CIA. “The excess weight damages their spirit, mobility, ambition, joints and sex life. Please Approve.”
Fix it now. It will never be easier.

1. Please learn about co-dependence.
2. This will likely get worse. And will be a source of marital strain, especially after you have kids. And your sex life plummets.
3. My husband was over 300 lbs. Me watching his food did not help, it hurt our relationship. There is a saying in food addiction circles, “Keep your eyes on your own plate.”
4. What worked for my husband was to eat 3 meals a day, no snacks, 6oz of protein (or 3 eggs) with a plate full of veggies per meal. No flour and no sugar. His weight, and all lab analyses, have vastly improved.
5. As @JLeslie mentioned, diet response is incredibly individualized. People have vastly different blood sugar responses to bananas, let alone cholesterol response.

Good luck. Based on the strain that my husband’s bad diet (and other addict-like personality traits) took on our marriage, I’d suggest therapy.

I think what happens with young people is that they don’t think that anything like ED is ever going to happen to them. Young guys think “this thing is going to work forever.” They can’t envision anything different. Young people who smoke can’t envision having to carry around an oxygen tank and having COPD. Young people think they’re going to live forever.

I think your boyfriend is the same. I can’t read his mind of course but I am guessing he feels he’s not that bad off and that you’re an alarmist.

Meanwhile, when he’s 50 or 60 with ED, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, depression and all the medciations that go along with the above, it will be too late. Too late for you and too late for him.

He thinks he is just doing it to himself but that is not true. If you are in a committed relationship he is eating for two! His sloth will be affecting your sex life. His drinking affects your home life. His urge to sit on the couch affects your social life.

People say “he is an adult and needs to be responsible for his own problems.” I yell BS at the top of my lungs!!! His problem is your problem as long as you stay married.
If someone does cocaine, loses his job, loses the house, etc… is that just his problem? No! It is a problem for the whole family. He can fix it . And you have the right to ditch him if he doesn’t.

Do you want a sex life when you are over 40? Think about it.

@LuckyGuy Totally agree that a spouses/partners behavior has a trickle down effect to all other family members, but, you still can’t change anyone, so yes, if he is not motivated to make lifestyle changes then it is best to leave now because whatever problems there are before marriage will either stay the same or get worse. The guy is not some monster because he struggles with his weight and health, a lot of people do, but change is an inside job and no amount of nagging or talking or coercing is going to matter if he is not motivated. Doesn’t make him a bad person but if she doesn’t want to sign up for potential future health issues, well, it’s her call to stay or go but she shouldn’t expect him to change for anyone but himself. I’d rather be with a great guy that is a little tubby than some skinny ass alcoholic or drug user or liar and cheater.

I’d take chubby hot dog lover over lack of character any day.

There are a lot of false ideas people have about cholesterol. The cholesterol content of food that you consume has no notable impact on your cholesterol levels, for example. Or there are different mechanisms (some good, some bad) of how various agents can lower cholesterol. Statins and even natural agents such as the diet pill garcinia cambogia lower cholesterol in a destructive manner, which can lead to serious side effects including diabetes – Causes of Diabetes Mellitus: How Statins & Garcinia Cambogia Side Effects Raise The Diabetes Risk

On the other hand, fiber and vitamin C will lower cholesterol in a harmless manner.

@SamTJC There are a lot of false ideas people have about cholesterol. The cholesterol content of food that you consume has no notable impact on your cholesterol levels… Unless it does.

” I remind him of his diet often…”
Is a bad sign.
Take the topic of diet and change to alcohol addiction and one gets the same problems and solutions.
Get off his back as he is responding by rebelling (a parent).
Take the burden of repairing him ( changing) from yourself back to him.
Once the nagging stops perhaps he may begin to change.
Maybe both get involved in outdoor activity together and he will come to realize that he has to step up to a better way of handling HIS problems.
Meanwhile YOU show an example,,get involved physically active and perhaps he may join you and the groups that foster better choices?

I sense you tend to have easy-onset hysteria. People need to do as they please. If you feel the need to nag (YES, NAG) him all the time you are not helping. You might have an influence simply by the way you cook. Other than that, stop talking about it. He’s a grown man. If he needs a mother, don’t let that be you. You aren’t old enough to understand that everything you are pushing him to do is the advice of the day. It will change tomorrow. In the end, enjoy life…..........and food.