A complicated relationship [Details inside]?
Hello everyone,
First, I’d like to give some background information. In this “story”, there are four characters. The named used in this “story” are fictional. So, Diana and Annie are best friends, and George and James (me) used to be good friends. Everyone in this story is aged 18–19.
So, about a year ago back in High school, George and Diana started to date. Now, that we’re in College, Annie and I go to one college while our two friends attend to another College. As a result, we’re not as close friends as we used to be. Recently, I started to develop for Diana and don’t exactly know how to deal with those feelings. Being friend with her, I am happy to see her happy dating someone else but at the same time, I want it to be me who’s dating her. After talking about this with Annie, I am even more confused as she is on my side and tells me I should perhaps wait until she breaks up and go for it. (she prefers if I was dating her best-friend as unlike George, I am friend with both girls) Briefly speaking, I am in conflict with myself not knowing whether or not I should wait and tell my feelings to Diana or move on. On one side, I used to be good friend with George and (if they ever break up) Dating his ex is kind of a “bad thing to do”. Plus, as I am a super close friend with Diana, I am afraid that if we ever date, things don’t work well and I end up losing a friendship. On the other hand, I am madly in love.
Thank you for reading guys :)
~A lost and confused soul
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8 Answers
There are two ways to go about this:
1. All’s fair in True Love and War.
2. The Bro Code.
So… which is more important to you? Your likely temporary raging hormones directed at Diana, or your likely temporary teenage friendship with George?
In this case, I’d personally err on the side of the Bro Code. They’re still dating after all, and you’re going to a different school than they are. That means any friction caused by this demonstration of affection is going to disproportionately inconvenience your One True Love Diana. She will have to deal with either a pissed off, now probably jealous and suspicious boyfriend or try to avoid seeing an equally perturbed ex-boyfriend all over campus. You, on the other hand, will have the freedom to see both of them whenever and only when you choose to, since you go to school away from them.
There must be some lovely girls around your own school, no?
Maybe you just want her because you can’t have her.
I forgot to specify that my friendship with George isn’t that good anymore for various reasons that do not concern her…so that’s another reason why I don’t really care that much of the bro code in this situation :P
Then, please revisit my previous statement about how she will have to continue putting up with him – at least on campus – after your demonstration, and you will not.
From my limited experience with this:
Breaking up an existing couple is no way to way to win this girl’s heart, As previously mentioned, all this does is make her uncomfortable and throw a monkey wrench into her relationship. This declaration is not going to endear you to her
You are no longer in constant contact with George, For all you know, he is ready to get down on one knee and ask for her hand in marriage
Let their relationship peter out, as most do. Then you are approaching her without complicating her life.
Just one other thing, I once took what was a four year long beautiful friendship lasting from senior year of college, and turned it into an odious, steaming mess of acrimony by thinking that friendship was the same as romantic love. It was a disaster. Might work for some but it did not work for me.
Tread lightly
SRM
Welcome to Fluther.
I’m left with nothing but “questions” from your “story”. What did you start to develop for Diane? How did you start to develop whatever-it-is when, as you say, you don’t see her and you’re not as close as you once were? Something is odd about that. If I don’t see or communicate with someone then it’s unlikely that I will develop feelings (assumed feelings, anyway) for the person. So there’s omitted data which seems germane. You explicitly stated that you’re not as close as you once were … but you’re totally in love. This makes no sense – and it’s your own words that I’m reading.
How are Annie’s feelings about who you should date at all relevant – in any way – to what you are saying? Is the “story” about you and your feelings, or is that just a way to introduce Annie as a main character in the “story”?
I’m going to be brutally honest here and suggest that you’re lost and confused because you can’t think, and your inability to think is reflected in your near complete inability to write. I’m not suggesting that you leave and never come back. But I am strongly suggesting that you learn to fucking write competently in your native language.
Go ahead and be mad at me. And then come back with a description of the is-ness of this situation and your well-described actual thought processes and ask your question again. We’ve got time.
It’s nice to meet you, and welcome to Fluther.
You’ve described an overwrought scenario of what-ifs. If I were “James,” I’d try to stop thinking so much about the other members of this foursome and, instead, enjoy my own life. You’re in college, the ideal place to have fun, meet people, and form new friendships. Please don’t fixate on George and Diana, who are beyond your control,
Diana is dating George, correct? If that’s the case, she is off limits to you right now.
If they ultimately break up some time down the line, you can talk to her about how she feels about you, but if you are good friends with George, and he was the one who was dumped (if they break up) he’s probably not going to be friends with you if you move in on Diana. If, on the other hand, George breaks up with Diana, or their “potential breakup” is mutual, then wait awhile, a few weeks or months, then ask Diana out and see if she is interested in you.
In the meantime, don’t sit around pining for Diana, live your life. Do things that interest you, do things with other people (not George and Diana) who you like, and if you meet some other woman that you like, try asking her out, but please, please, please do not attempt to compare any new women with Diana, it will end badly for all parties.
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