So how might we more effectively negotiate discussions?

So, yes, this question was primarily inspired by a previous one—but it isn’t about that question. It’s about a sentiment voiced by various jellies with various backgrounds at various times who feel they are not as heard or as respected or maybe as welcomed as they would like to be—maybe about particular issues, maybe in a more general sense. I don’t want this to be a debate about whether or not that sentiment is “right,” whether or not jellies are “open minded,” or whether Fluther opinions are primarily homogenous or heterogenous, etc. The fact is certain jellies feel less included/less incorporated. Maybe it’s a semi-inevitable dynamic in any group of people. But maybe there’s something the collective could be doing, or could be not doing, to minimize the feeling.

And that’s what I was hoping we could do with this question: figure out what the collective could try to do more, or could try to do less.

This may just be me. I’ve grown up in a family that is at once remarkably argumentative, and remarkably sensitive. So I’ve seen too many cycles of disagreement-turned-anger/hurt. And maybe I’m projecting my own desire for reconciliation into this lagoon, trying to “fix” something that isn’t broken instead of facing the issue in my life. Or maybe there is something here we can fix, together.

But if we do try to figure this out, we should discuss it without laying blame anywhere, on anyone. Because not only is blame not productive, I don’t think it applies. If there’s a problem, it’s a problem with communication, which involves everyone.

I don’t think anyone intends to make Fluther exclusive, and I don’t think anyone who expresses that they feel Fluther is exclusive does so just to gripe. I think we all want to see a plurality of opinions and experiences. But maybe something is limiting that plurality, or else affecting how we each perceive that plurality. And maybe we could figure out ways to better reinforce the variety.

I’m sorry that many people are feeling out of place. And if I’ve done anything to contribute to that feeling, I’m doubly sorry. I didn’t mean to.

Are people not feeling heard? Are they feeling like they can’t express certain perspectives? Are they feeling like their opinion is unappreciated? Are they feeling like an underrepresented opinion? Are discussions getting more heated than some expected? Etc. I can imagine any number of factors that may be contributing to such a sentiment.

So should we make a concerted effort to somehow remind each other mid-discussion that we hear and appreciate each other? (Because I suspect we all genuinely do hear and appreciate each other, even if the somewhat abstracted format of textual communication makes nodding-heads and sympathetic-eyes less immediate.) Can we hash that out in this thread, and recall it individually during other discussions? Can we figure out ways that someone mid-discussion can express their feeling shutdown? And how should we balance our appreciation of other opinions with the expression of our own (often disagreeing) ones?

I’m not saying that jellies aren’t already doing this. I’m just wondering if we might need a more formal method, or a more formal moment, of mediation? Just so we can rekindle any lurve that was lost, and be able to dive back into the debates and disagreements refreshed?

I don’t know if that all made sense, or how much of it seems relevant to anyone else. But I thought I would ask—test the waters—prod the issue…