Back to your question: “And why hasn’t his people told him it looks ridiculous?”
A: They’re still working on the hair. He is obviously not responding.
Actress, writer, and now makeup artist Tess Paras has commented on Trump’s makeup:
In her video for F-Comedy, Tessa Para breathlessly declares:
“A lot of you guys have been writing in and asking me to do this really popular look that’s been trending these days. It’s not strobing, it’s not contouring, it is ‘Trumping.’”
She then adds, “so, I’m really excited to ‘make your face great again.’”
Are you ready to try this on-trend look? It takes only three minutes, and Tess Paras walks you through it in just three easy steps.
Step 1. Pick A Concealer.
First, Tess Paras explains, you want to “pick a concealer that’s about 10 shades lighter than your skin tone.” She reveals that her favorite is a shade called “veiled white supremacy,” but says you can feel free to use anything that makes you look really pale and dehydrated.
To look more like Donald Trump put the concealer on your eyes, and then on your lips. Paras explains that the goal is for them to look as drained as possible:
“like you’ve been running your mouth all day […] Like you’ve been talking and talking to the point where ‘oh, I’m not making any sense and I contradict myself.’”
“You’ll know you’re done when your mouth “basically looks like a chapped anus.”
Step 2. Pick A Bronzer.
Next, you’ll want to pick a bronzer that’s juuuuust the right shade of orange.
“It’s important that you pick a bronzer that’s really orange. You don’t want it to be tan or brown, because then somebody’s going to ask for your birth certificate, and that is a definite no-no.”
“Once you find a bronzer that won’t get you attacked by one of Donald Trump’s rabidly racist followers, you can apply it, erm, liberally with a foam makeup pad.”
Step 3. Prepare Your Cheetos.
Now, on to “the most important part of this Trumping tutorial.” Tess Paras explains Cheetos are the key to getting that trendy Donald Trump look … Plus, they’re delicious.
“Take some Cheetos. And what I like to do is smash them up into a finely-milled powder.”
But first, Paras reminds you to put goggles on to protect the eyes, not because the chemicals used to produce that toxic shade of orange may scorch your corneas, but because “that’s already a done, finished part of my look.”
She then applies a powdery coating of finely-milled Cheetos to her face and declares, “Voila! This face is #winning, America!”
But lest you think Tess Paras’ made this makeup tutorial because she only admires Donald Trump for his looks, she closes with an important reminder:
“Remember: With Trumping, it’s not what you look like that makes you ugly.”
Tess Paras’ YouTube Tutorial
