Why I can't be affectionate with my boyfriend?

How long have you two been together? Maybe you are bored of seeing the same person again and again as he has never changed and you have explored everything about him? Or maybe he changed and you don’t find him attractive anymore?

Are you on any medications that could have an effect on your libido? Have you had some negative experiences in the past that may be related to not wanting to be affectionate? Are your parents affectionate with each other? Were you able to be affectionate with him earlier in the relationship, or in previous relationships?

Welcome to Fluther.

This is a tough question to answer with no more detail than you’ve provided. All we can do is guess and make references to when something similar may have happened to us, and what our experience was.

For example, without knowing what his reaction has been in the past when you have tried this (if you have), that may certainly play a part. If you’ve attempted to initiate affection in the past and been spurned – however little! – that would certainly be a turn-off, even if you wanted to act on the feelings that led you in that direction. But you don’t say.

It would also be helpful to know the culture you’re coming from (or his own culture, if different from yours), and whether that’s even an “acceptable” female response. In some places it’s not.

Is this something that you and he have discussed in the past? Is it a recent feeling? Did something change before you started to feel this way?

Is this your first boyfriend or first “serious” boyfriend?
If not, have you had trouble being affectionate with others?

Further to @gorillapaws‘s post, even the pill can affect libido. Check with your doctor to see if another type might suit you better.

Maybe because you are unconsciously waiting for him to make a move in that direction first?
You obviously have doubts about this relationship. Talk to him.

I don’t agree with some of the posts equating affection to sex (libido).

How old are you?