A question about South East Asian customs. Details inside.
Asked by
rojo (
24179)
April 21st, 2016
I live in a college town with a very diverse ethnic population and while at the grocery store this morning (in Texas) I observed the following: As I was entering there was a man and woman of what I believe was S.E Asian descent and who were between the ages of 60 and 70 also entered the store. The man went to the door and waited while his wife got a cart.
After she got the cart the man took off at a very brisk pace with his wife following behind pushing the cart. He went to the produce section where he chose some vegetables and put them in the cart. Then he took off to the next display, again at a brisk pace, while his wife followed along with the cart at a slower pace. When she reached him he put the vegetable in and again took off.
I encountered them off and on throughout the store and this was the same pattern. He would get something, wait for her to catch up, put it in the cart and then take off again. I never observed any input from her about what was purchased she simply pushed the cart to him and he put in what was in his hand. The whole time I saw them he never touched the cart and she never touched the products on the shelf.
They were to the checkout line in front me and when the time came the man loaded the groceries from the cart to the cash register conveyor while his wife looked on from the back of the cart. He spoke to the cashier in very heavily accented English.
When the groceries were sacked and loaded back into the cart, the man paid for them and then his wife then stepped aside from the basket and he took to pushing the cart out with her following.
My first thought was that because of the groceries, the cart was more of a burden for his wife but she was the one who pushed it throughout the store and to the register in the first place so perhaps it was something else.
Why did it seem like the man wanted nothing to do with the basket of groceries until it was paid for? Why did she seem to have so little interest in what was purchase? Had she already had her input before they got into the store? Is such action or behavior common in Asian cultures?
I am not faulting it or questioning the way it was done, only noting it was different from what I am used to seeing. Here in our town if you see a man and woman in the grocery store he is usually pushing the basket and she is selecting the groceries and at checkout time it is a toss up as to who pulls out the card.
I am just trying to learn a little more.
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9 Answers
Sounds like the stereotyped “husband domination” to me. The mentality isn’t so uncommon in many Asian countries, especially in China, India and the like. The husband gets the ultimate role in every decision and the wife only has to follow them, no question asked.
Does the couple you see look Chinese?
@rojo I’ve noticed a similar type of behavior in my neighborhood. There is a couple, in a similar age range, possibly a little older. I sometimes see them out walking to or from a neighborhood park. The man is always in the lead, the woman walks anywhere from a few paces to several hundred feet behind him.
@Mimishu1995 I sometimes find it difficult to distinguish Asian sub-ethnicities by observation alone, but this couple could definitely be Chinese.
There is the possibility, which circumstances have made plain to me, that she is using the cart as a rolling walker. When my husband and I shop together, he always takes a cart, even for just a few items, because it eases his back pain.
She may have dementia, lumbar trouble, who knows what? The man may be taking care of her, handling the shopping, letting her lean on the cart for support, allowing her to do something so she doesn’t feel useless. She may be coming along because he can’t leave her at home alone.
Those could be American-born people I know. They could be your parents. Maybe you’re right to classify this behavior as a Southeast Asian custom, but that preconception severely limits the possibilities.
Being of SE Asian descent, I have mostly seen one person shopping at a time – usually the woman. I have never seen a situation where the man would grab stuff and the woman would follow with the cart. Maybe @Jeruba has a point.
On the other hand, I have grocery shopped with my mother-in-law. before She walks down the aisles, points, and I have to grab the stuff and put it in the cart. Kind of a queen with servant attitude. She is very popular when she comes to visit us.
I’m southeast Asian and my parents own a grocery m. I don’t think I ever thought anything of this or really seen this?? I’m going to look closer next time lol. But usually even with other cultures I see women pushing the cart shopping while the man goes and wanders off.
That’s strange.. because in many south Asian cultures women are incharge of kitchen and husbands won’t have any clue what she needs to cook for the week. Looking at the age range you have specified it is more likely the case @Jeruba has mentioned.
South Asian custom: the wife is to be subservient to her husband, at all times. Even when the husband beats up the wife for some reasons. Sad, but it still happens.
@Jeruba You are very perceptive! I take a cart when I can, even when I am not picking up something. It gives me stability, which I need for my balance. And takes enough weight off my back that I am able to walk comfortably. It may not be a culture thing at all.
@si3tech Perhaps not but if that is the case, why take it away after the groceries are paid for and they are heading out the door?
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