I think my dad is up to something. Should I investigate?

Understand, @Mimishu1995, that almost all the answers you receive here will be from a Western perspective, where women are generally much more empowered and usually have a reliable social safety net.

You know your family dynamic – and especially your mother – better than anyone here can even hint at. I would caution that you keep your mother, and your mother’s cultural traditions – foremost in your thoughts at all times.

If your father was having an affair, it appears to have ended. Too bad you didn’t have time to press “redial”. Did you get the number the call was placed from?

@Mimishu, I can only tell you what I would do at this moment in the evolution of this situation. I would concentrate on my exams. If you want to pursue this after exams, fine. But take care of your future first.

Honestly, let it be. You don’t have reliable information try not to jump to conclusions

You’re at risk of being drawn into a whirlpool of mystery, drama and intrigue – of your own creation. This may be nothing at all – people call wrong numbers all the time, and it’s more likely than not that in this case someone has merely texted messages to a wrong number. Don’t attribute any significance to it.

On the other hand … your suspicions could be absolutely correct. And what then? It has never been uncommon in history or in most cultures for men to take mistresses. (In fact, the present age is probably the major exception to most history, now that “most people are mostly monogamous” – at least in marriage.) If your father does have a woman on the side, and as long as she doesn’t come into your lives directly or publicly embarrass your mother or the rest of your family, then what would you plan to do about it?

And let’s suppose – worst case scenario here – your father has a sidechick, and your mother knows about it (disregarding for the moment how she might feel about that) and now you know the little bit that you know: a woman (you suppose) has sent angry messages to your mother’s phone. You have zero context on this! Your parents lived for decades before you were even born. You have very little idea of what their lives were like before you were born. (They may have told you a great deal about their lives, but we always edit what we tell our children. You don’t know a tenth of their actual lives and ideas from before you were born – and probably not a great deal more, even, since then.)

You don’t have nearly enough context to make any judgments from two text messages from an unknown (to you) person who may or may not be a woman and who may or may not know your mother – or your father, for that matter. If you ever want to be inventive, imaginative and creative, then you could make this the basis for a wonderful novel, I think.

But you don’t know anything. Let it go.

My advice would be to ignore the noise this discovery has brought to you…embrace the life you have and the relationship your parents you once thought they had. You lack facts that would give you clarity as to what has happened or happening. I would also advise you to shield your younger brother as best you can from any drama this information may provide. This is essentially out of your control.

It just doesn’t add up. You’re telling us that you suspect your dad may have a mistress who is texting him intimate messages to your mother’s phone ??????? Regardless of cultural differences between us, that’s just too far fetched to be reasonable. It sounds more like a prank and a rather juvenile one at that.

@stanleybmanly I should have added that my dad’s phone has been acting funny lately. At some point dad had to borrow mom’s phone for call and other things. My theory is that somehow he forgot to swap his SIM card and the woman thought he had changed his number and began to text on mom’s phone. It could be that day when I saw him with the phone.

But now that I have calmed down and thought, something really doesn’t add up. Dad is a noob when it comes to technology, but I don’t think he was that careless to contact the woman with mom’s number, at least not when he knew he was cheating. I haven’t checked the call log by the way.

But everyone here has pointed out that I should give up. I think I really should forget it. I was just concerned about my family, and the messages were so bitter it scared me. I was afraid that if something bad happened I would be the guilty person for knowing something and didn’t do anything to prevent it. As for my brother, I told him that it was just a wrong number when he asked and he forgot everything, so right now I’m the only one who knows.

Well, now, obviously you’re not going to give up, @Mimishu1995. The whole thing concerned you enough to write a pretty long question here. What’s done can’t be undone. What’s learned can’t be unlearned.

I think the consensus is that you shouldn’t take any action on the knowledge unless you have more reason to. Yes, it’ll be in the back of your mind, but keep it there. If you have further concerns, feel free to come back to this question, or ask another. I still think we would have to know a lot more about your family dynamic to be productive help.

Now get to studying!
~

@ibstubro the messages are forever gone, but I still have the photos in my phone. I think I’ll temporarily “forget” it for the time being, until something fishy turns up. Let’s hope that the woman or whatever that is has left dad alone and things are back to normal.

And don’t worry, my books are still with me :p And on a positive note, I may take @CWOTUS‘s advice and turn this into a novel sometime when I’m older.

Wow, I can’t believe you’d all let it go. Personally I’d use my own phone to text the woman & say she accidentally texted YOU & repeat a few texts. Be nice & say you wanted to save her embarassment in future in case she had a wrong number. Her response would tell you something & you could begin to build a bond (if she talks back to you.) Nope, my familys happiness is my business & I would follow up on my own. But then again, unanswered questions have always been hard to resist for me lol.

I We advised @Mimishu1995 to let it go, @KNOWITALL, based on our limited understanding of:
1. what happened
2. Asian culture
3. her current living situation.

I believe it’s the best advice, if she can follow it.

If nothing else happens, it could have been a simple misdial in the heat of the moment. I got about a 3 minute message on my answering machine this week for someone I never heard of. And I’ve had the number over a decade.

My aunt is full Japanese & my cousin half. My first bf was Vietnamese. Don’t let generalizations fool you, some of the sharpest & sweetest folks I’ve ever known & fiercely family oriented. It’s her choice either way, just saying I personally would rather know. Maybe her dad & her could have an improved relationship if her suspicions were not true. In many ways, the truth can set you free.

This is a tough one that depends on a number of things. Are you sure that your mother has not seen the messages (what kind of dummy cheats on his wife using her phone?)?

Probably, if you want to confront your father, which is something you need to think about a lot first, you should show him the messages and tell him the conclusion that you have drawn. Then see what he says.

But what you have to think about first is how his answers will impact your family. Is it possible that your mother already knows and is choosing to turn a blind eye in order to keep the family together? If you confront your father and he admits to the affair, will you feel compelled to tell your mother? Will she blame you (sometimes happens)? Will you bringing things out in the open lead to a divorce and the breakup of your family? If it does, can you live with that?

Leave it. If anything is going on that’s between your parents and this woman and is not your business.

This is none of your business.

Just walk away. This is grown up parents business and it should stay that way.
YOU are not responsible for your parents happiness or mess-ups no matter
what you know so get that out of your head. It will play out as it should anyway.

As much as you love your parents, and obviously don’t want to see your mother hurt, what has been said above is right. First, this is your parent’s business. Second, you don’t know anything is going on or has been going on and you could cause terrible trouble if you are wrong. And third, and most importantly, you have to focus on your studies and not allow yourself to be distracted by this. Even if your father is having an affair, it isn’t something you can fix. File the information away, get on with your studies, and try not to judge until you have concrete evidence that there is a problem.

Sounds like a wrong number to me.

I don’t see how “I don’t want to violate dad’s privacy” (last paragraph) meshes with all of the other suspicions and insinuations.

Either you have decided to violate his privacy (despite what you wrote, @Mimishu1995 ) or you haven’t.

My advice: Butt out.

Talk to your dad and tell him how you found out. Tell him that for peace of mind you need the truth.