Is it normal to cry over a stranger?

I don’t think of you as a strange @MilkyWay. I remember some of the things you’ve gone through in your life and I am fond of you. I similarly don’t think of many, many other people here as strangers. When we participate in a site like this we share thoughts, emotions, values, sadness and laughter. People write about things that have gone wrong in their lives, and we may offer advice to help them through that. People write about wonderful things in their life and we (remotely) celebrate their successes.

So when someone dies or just disappears, we miss them. I think that’s perfectly normal. They’ve become part of our lives. Just because they are not physically in front of us doesn’t mean we are disconnected from them. I know more about some people here than I do about people I work with. I see those people regularly, but I don’t discuss things of an intimate and personal nature with them. To answer your question, I think it’s perfectly normal to cry over strangers – especially when they aren’t really strangers.

See this post re the death of a well-known Destiny player and the outpouring of grief from the Destiny community. Many of the Destiny community only knew the man from playing with or against him online or from reading one of his guides.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestinyTheGame/comments/46lqqj/destinyreddit_community_member_craysh_has_passed/

So, yes, people can and do cry over people they only knew online.

I met Allie here. She needed some Photoshop help making a stencil of a robot. I like robots and photoshop. Hooked her up. Then we got to chatting. 8 years later and we are lobsters. We still chat every day unless her allergies are bad or it is the weekend.

I also talk to Stella, Devi and others pretty regularly. They know more about me than my best friend from high school that lives 5 miles away that I never see.

I once cried because I stumbled across this girl whose brother had been killed in the Berlin Bombings, I didn’t even remotely know her, but my heart went out to her and her family. It made me think about my family, and how much I would miss them if something were to happen to one of them.

I cried my eyes out when a senior member here died. He had been such a good friend that our interaction went beyong this site. He even helped me buy something online and send it right to my place. The day he died I felt horrible but also a little… strange, because I had the same thought as you. We were friends, but we had never really met in person. I didn’t know if I should call him a friend or just a stranger. Then some members here told me that it was normal to grief for someone who had touched my life so much.

Anyway, he was one of the very few people, if not the only person, who I felt comfortable to be myself. We could chat all day about everything and still couldn’t run out of topic. I don’t know if I will ever find any friend like him again.

I’m somewhat relieved to know I’m not the only one who feels this way
@Earthbound_Misfit Thank you darling, and yes I agree with you. (Btw are you an old user who made a new account? Or changed your name?)
@Mimishu1995 That’s what made me ask this question, a dear old friend of mine isn’t here anymore and it upset me a whole lot, which made me think. Were we strangers or friends?
Thank you for answering folks <3

@MilkyWay, @Earthbound_Misfit is an old member with a new account. I guess you already knew her back then :)

And I suspect that you are grieving for the same person as mine. Anyway, here’s a hug from someone with the same situation.
<HUUUUUUUUG>

I was @Bellatrix @MilkyWay.

For several months, I maintained a regular email correspondence with a jelly here, even after she left Fluther. I remember that when we started corresponding, I had this sensation of, Oh there is a real person behind all those posts. That is a feeling that I keep in mind when I interact here. I have been moved many times by what people write on Fluther. I appreciate it when people follow up on the outcome of an upcoming situation. I sometimes feel a little frustrated toward the occasional person here who keeps asking essentially the same question while ignoring our advice.

I cried when Gail passed. I also cried when cak wasn’t well.

Not sure where online friendships fall in the overall scheme of things. Not strangers, certainly not just acquaintances but distant friends, kind of like old schoolmates you have not seen in years.

I know that sometimes when someone shows up again after they have had an extended absence I get a cozy warmth from seeing their avatar and reading their words again and I am saddened when I look through old questions and see how many people are no longer here so I know that I have feelings even if we have never met.

Jellies aren’t strangers. I’ve shed tears too.

One of my best friends and mentors was from the site and died. She helped me immensely through my divorce and subsequent relationships, we shared poetry, sex stories and annoyances. She gave me as much support as my RL friends. I mourned her death as much as that of any close friends whom I have actually met. Oh yes, online close friendships definitely exist.

And great to see you @MilkyWay !

When Gail died my reaction was as strong as if I’d lost a valued friend. She was strictly an online relationship. I had to think about that and eventually I realized that my relationship with her met all the important elements of an IRL relationship, even though I’d never met her in person. It showed me the power of internet relationships, a power in which I formerly thought not possible.

I have changed my attitude toward net relationships, and the possibilities of relationships, since she died. I now approach people on the net, as much as I can, with the same respect as I do IRL. I fail in this sometimes, but it’s always there now; that each person I meet could potentially be important in my life like Gail was, and in many ways, still is.

@Espiritus_Corvus That is what I am doing too. I try to treat everyone here with as much respect as possible. Who knows, maybe another person will touch my life again.

About 10 years ago, a dear online friend suddenly disappeared from the website. One member who knew his real name and location found his obituary posted online. Several of us discussed whether or not to attend the funeral and decided that it might come across as too weird for those that knew him in person. In lieu of this, we held our own celebration to his life on the website.

So, yes, it is normal. Even if someone has not been met in person, it doesn’t mean that they haven’t touched your heart or made a positive impact on your life. Those that don’t understand it haven’t walked in your shoes.

I would never cry over the death of a jelly, the handful that have up to this point I didn’t particularly care for anyway. There are a select few who i’d be shocked & probably saddened by their passing, but definitely no tears

We are not strangers. Many of us know more about each other than our friends and family IRL.
We often share inner feelings and experiences we never speak of in public.
That is friendship!

I welled up inside when a couple of the people here passed. It was such a sad loss.
@MilkyWay Your tears are proof you know how to experience empathy and love. You have been given a great gift.

@Mimishu1995 Yes. I learned a lot with Gail’s passing. I learned that if her death could hurt me that much, then the words we use can pierce painfully, as well. They’re not just words. Words are just the vehicle. They contain intent, feeling, thoughts… Words are only the shell containing these things like an arrow to their target. Before Gail died, I hadn’t given this a lot of thought. When flaming out on someone, I would absolve myself by saying it’s just the net, nobody really gets hurt. Well, now I think they do get hurt, and so I’m more careful.

Mimi, I’ve never seen you be disrespectful. You have to be one of the sweetest people here. I think we’ve all adopted you as our little sister. At least I have.

@Earthbound_Misfit oh my gosh it is you! I appreciate all the care and support you’ve given me, you’ve seen me through some tough times <3
@Mimishu1995 Yes he was an amazing man, I feel the same. He was very easy to talk to, and one of the closest friends I had on here. (((Hugs)))
@janbb @johnpowell Online friendships can indeed be very special. and it’s great to see you too darling! <3
@Espiritus_Corvus I’ve always interacted with people online as I would in real life. The only difference being initially I’m not as open about some of my personal details. But I feel the other person through the screen often if that makes sense.
@LuckyGuy Hey you! It is a gift but I often feel it can be a curse at the same time. I am an empathetic person, that feels too deeply. But I’ve accepted that’s just the way I am. I still cry about @everephebe some nights, it makes me feel strange at times.
@Pied_Pfeffer I’ve thought about visiting some people’s graves. I’m not sure if that’s weird but I just feel it’s something I should do.
Once again thank you to everybody for responding!

No, it is not strange at all. No.

@MilkyWay: Think of it this way: these people are folks you have shared some secrets with, laughed at their jokes, maybe cooked a recipe of theirs. It is a personal, if not in person relationship. When someone dies, whose music we have loved, or a favorite author, or an actor who has moved us with performances, we experience a kind of grief and loss, we don’t find that bizarre. But to lose someone with whom you have exchanged ideas and hopes and plans? Yes, that is worth shedding tears. Definitely.

You don’t even have to know them at all. I cried over the 911 tragedy, just thinking of the terror and the horror.

I was quite effected by the death of @gailcalled and @adirondackwannabe a few months ago. Both were longstanding contributors here and Gail and I often exchanged emails and photos and I sent her some of my hybrid morning glory seeds one year. While not real life friends, yes, we certainly can be very effected by the loss of our online comrades after some yeas of “knowing” them. Infact, thinking about it now it has already been 6 months since Gail died, the passage of time is shocking as well.

I totally understand this. The people I interact with online are real people to me. Some I like, some I don’t particularly care for, some I consider friends – just like in real life.

The concept is hard for a person who doesn’t interact on the internet to understand. When I joined Wis.dm my husband sure didn’t understand it. He didn’t see how I could be quietly sitting at the computer, then suddenly suddenly burst out laughing and choking. I finally convinced him to watch for a bit to see what it was all about. After a minute or two he said, “Wait…you mean you say something, and they say something right back, like a real conversation? That’s cool!”

Yes it is normal, for me. Having lost one of my best friends (Bob) is making me feel miserable each day, how I wish I could see him someday for real !!! He was a great human beyond a doubt. I can’t ever forget him. If at all there are reincarnations, I would love to meet him in the next lives to come.

:(

@Khajuria9 I know exactly how you feel my dear ♡ And if there are, I certainly do hope we get to meet again. He was an amazing and extraordinary soul, who touched many hearts.

@MilkyWay me too. I have never met someone that motivated me that much. I can never bring him back, but I can strive to become someone that can “make a difference” like he said.