Social Question

trolltoll's avatar

I was treated cruelly by a stranger. How do I get over it?

Asked by trolltoll (2570points) May 13th, 2016

I am a housekeeper, and yesterday I got scammed by a customer. Because I did not take the necessary steps to protect myself (I was supposed to bring a checklist but didn’t), he got away with the scam, and I ended up doing 3 hours of work for free, cleaning a shithole apartment shared by 4 shithead Trump-supporting frat boys. They made up total lies, like saying that I left early and that I didn’t do anything while I was there, and demanded a total refund, which my employer granted, because I didn’t have the checklist to back myself up. I basically got robbed. I’m no longer with this employer.

I acknowledge I fucked up, but how do I get over this now? I was so hurt. I am a former self-harmer, and I relapsed yesterday. I am still upset.

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19 Answers

chyna's avatar

I don’t know how to help you get over this. There are assholes everywhere and unfortunately you met up with 4 at one time. You know you did a great job and you have to keep telling yourself that you did nothing wrong, 4 fratboys scammed your company probably not realizing that it would affect you or, really not caring that it affected you.
Whatever measures you have taken in the past to stop self-harming, start doing it now. Please don’t let 4 guys that wanted to do anything to get their deposit back by having you clean for free win. You are, by far, the better person. {{{HUGS}}}

trolltoll's avatar

thank you so much for saying that.

Coloma's avatar

I agree with what @chyna above says. All you can do is chalk it up to the unfortunate event of meeting up with a bunch of assholes and lesson learned, the hard way, never forget your checklist, although I don’t really understand why that would matter because people could still claim you did nothing even if you checked it off of a list. I’m sorry, I know how upsetting this must be. So sorry you had such a bad experience.

trolltoll's avatar

thank you. The checklist was the company’s protocol, which I ignored. It was my bad, obviously, but it was the first and only cleaning I had done where it had mattered, because I always do a really good job, and most people aren’t fratboy fuckheads, I guess.

It’s funny because while I was there personally, they were nothing short of polite to me. They even offered to take out the trash when I asked them where the dumpster was. Then they go and leave a 1-star review and make up a whole bunch of bullshit. Apparently they were upset that I wasn’t able to turn their literal shithole into a sparkling palace in the 2.5 hours I was there.

If it weren’t for the self-evident fact that the apartment had never been cleaned in the time it had been lived in by these tenants, the fact that these unmitigated assholes thought that I should be able to completely clean 2 bathrooms, a living room, and a kitchen in only 2.5 hours is evidence enough that they have never before cleaned in their utterly privileged lives.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

What you have to keep in mind, @trolltoll, is that assholes will be assholes – in or out of your presence. They would have done it to someone else if it hadn’t been you. What you need to realize is that you shouldn’t allow them to make you feel that bad, or bad about yourself, because of it. They’re bound to do the same thing to who knows how many other people throughout their lives. Rest easy knowing that you are, by far, a kinder and more honest person than any of them.

You define you – no one else. What they did doesn’t reflect on the job you accomplished at all. Sorry you had to deal with them, though. Unfortunately, you’ll encounter more at some point in your life. They’re everywhere.

Cruiser's avatar

I think it best you take assessment of the situation. You say you did not keep a checklist that is truly your responsibility and the fact that you are escalating the situation by characterizing the customer as a bunch of Trump a-holes sends me a signal you mismanaged the situation and your emotions. I don’t think it would have mattered if you had clean Sanders or Hillary’s apartment because the outcome would be the same.

These are teachable moments that require inner strength to pick yourself up and move forward….make better choices…make better efforts and learn to love yourself and see yourself as someone who is loveable. Razor blades are not the answer….inner courage is.
There are people out there that are there to help you…do not be afraid to make that call.

kritiper's avatar

This happens to me from time to time. And you never get over it. But try this:
Type up a letter to them stating that if you aren’t paid within a certain time limit (like, 30 or 60 days) you will turn the matter over to your collections agent.
Sometimes this works.
(You don’t actually have to have a collections agent, but they don’t know that.)

trolltoll's avatar

@Cruiser you weren’t there. Trust me, they are fucking assholes. They straight out lied about what I did and didn’t do. But thanks for judging me, and implying that I lack inner strength.

trolltoll's avatar

I owned up to my error, so please don’t feel the need to point it out to me again.

Cruiser's avatar

@trolltoll I was not judging you in my answer to you far from it. You need to lighten up. If you truly owned up to this event you would not be here on a social forum chastising me….you would be out having fun somewhere.

trolltoll's avatar

I asked for help on how to get over a situation in which I was hurt and am still hurting, and now you are chastising me. Thanks a lot, being told that I need to lighten up is really helping me lighten up.

trolltoll's avatar

Please resist the temptation to chastise me further. I already feel bad, and you’re making me feel worse, and the impulse to self-harm again is increasing. I would appreciate it if you just left the thread.

Cruiser's avatar

@trolltoll I hope you can find a moment that will bring a sense of calm and security. You are obviously hurting….I can sense that. Not a pleasant place to be and know it has to be tearing at you. At this hour not sure what to tell you that will make you feel better other than these things do pass and better days are ahead.

Yes I do not know you but I do know what you are going through…Perhaps log off…read a book, take a hot bath….relax and don’t beat yourself up and moreso do not give any more currency to the duochebag A-holes who were that heartless to criticize you that way. Do not give that moment anymore power over you….that is in the past. You are here in the now….try to separate yourself from that and have a nice night…you deserve it

dxs's avatar

Weed.

trolltoll's avatar

weed makes me super anxious, so that’s a no-go.

I have his resume before me and I am contacting the advisers and presidents of each fraternity and club he is involved in, to inform them of their member’s ethical conduct and representation of their organization.

jca's avatar

If I were you, I wouldn’t conduct the fraternities and clubs that this person is involved in. I’d let it go and move on. You don’t want to escalate the issues further by getting into a “he said, she said” and you want to move beyond the anger and upsetness that you have now.

I’d take it as a lesson learned that next time, next job, be more careful about doing thing according to the protocol of the company.

Also, talk to other professional cleaning people about how they handle customer requests and things like that, so next time, next job you are more prepared with how to handle the work and customer requests.

Another thought is going into another line of work. Cleaning has to be hard on your back and legs, and you may be breathing fumes from cleaning fluids. If you’re young, it might be do-able but probably it’s hard when you get older.

Jak's avatar

Seriously make the effort to distract yourself and think about something which gives you pleasure. Listen to uplifting music, watch a comedy. Whatever raises your vibration. The longer you remain in that vibration, the more like vibration you will attract to yourself. Stop dwelling on it. Don’t even read this thread anymore.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Send the frat boys a bouquet of flowers and thank them for getting you fired and left without a source of income. Praise them for their cunning and manipulative ways. Hope (sincerely) that none of their mothers suffer such humiliating smearing. Basically, offer them the compassion and love that you would have hoped to receive (but didn’t) in return.

Proverbs 25:21–22
21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
22 In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.

Confucius said:
“When I am amidst honorable people, I make them my equal. When I am amidst fools, I learn from them”.

trolltoll's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies you are obviously a better person than I am because it hadn’t even crossed my mind to turn the other cheek as you suggested.

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