How do I respond when people ask if I have brothers or sisters?

“I don’t have any full siblings. My father had a bunch of kids.”

If they press you on it, tell them they’d have to ask your dad.

I’m the only child of my parents but they both had children with their first marriages. I have four half-sisters and a half-brother. I had difficulty describing my siblings as well.

If you aren’t close with the people asking I don’t see any harm in not sharing the specifics.

I’m close with my siblings so I do tell others they are my siblings. I only explain the dynamics when I’m trying to get to know someone better.

If you want to keep your private life a secret then a simple “no” and no more explanation is fine. Seriously do they need to dig more with that answer? I won’t mention the people who try to exploit your life without you knowing.

And have you ever met any of the siblings in real life? Have you had any interaction with them? If you haven’t then you can pretend that they don’t exist in front of people.

By the way, you, the celebrity, have revealed a big secret to us that could make a big headline ~

You could say you “grew up as an only child, but have half siblings you don’t know well.” Or, just leave it that you grew up as an only child, and don’t even go further if you don’t want to.

@Mimishu1995

Yeah that is what I was thinking if people asked about certain things I can just say “I don’t talk about my private life” but then that might seem kind of mean or like I’m trying to “hide” something.

And yes I know…..... That is why I had my assistant create an email and I’m using someone else’s computer to write this. (Not from my IP address and I’m in a different state at the moment).

I guess it depends. If you are or become famous the truth will probably come out eventually.
Maybe you just say, “I was raised an only child” and if they push it just say I have a few half siblings I never knew.
That way you’ll never be caught in a lie but you’re not ratting your dad out for being a player
Edit: I should have read the other answers before responding. @JLeslie great minds think alike :-)

@Mimishu1995

I don’t know if it is necessarily a huge secret. I am sure if someone really wanted to look into my father then they can see him listed on different birth certificates….. However that has not happened yet and my dad is very private as well. If you look him up online you’ll only see his achievements. But I am confused on how to answer the question properly….. and be politically correct in this day and age without pissing so many people off. The media can be cruel. If I say I have a bunch of half brothers and half sisters from all parts of the world then it will give my image a bad name. But If I say no I do not have any siblings….. and then the media finds out I have half and long lost siblings/relatives then it becomes a “family war” and I seem like the bad person. I’m also scared of my siblings trying to ride on my fame or selling stories. So it’s kind of a big deal to me, I feel really confused on how to answer certain things. I want to come across as diplomatic as possible.

You’re a “working professional actor” in Hollywood with expectations of keeping your personal life private? As you must certainly know, no one cares about you or your private life until you achieve celebrity status. I assume that you have yet to arrive at that checkpoint; otherwise you would certainly not be soliciting advice in a public forum. At least you have the sense to be thinking about the issue. Were I in your shoes, and it appeared that I was going to crossover the line of fame, I would put the facts out there and deflate the balloon of sensationalism. In the event that it becomes necessary, you will certainly have the means to acquire the services of experts on spin and subterfuge.

@stanleybmanly

Yes I am a celebrity. If you Google my name you will see, however I am not going to list my name on here. I am on celebrity websites, IMDb, Wikipedia, etc. Do you think that celebrities are not online at all or using fake names? You must be truly clueless if you think celebrities or people in the spotlight are not online or using an alias. I try to keep my personal life as private as I can however my question was asking how do I respond if people ask if I have siblings.Just because someone is famous does not mean that they don’t use the internet, it just means we have to be much more private about it or use different accounts.

@stanleybmanly My public profiles are all verified by the way. Someone told me about this site to ask questions privately so my assistant created this for me and I am not using a computer that can be traced back to me. Just because someone is in the spotlight or media does not make them any less human than you or that they aren’t online either using their real name or fake names for privacy, in fact you would actually be surprised… Thank you for the advice though.

Would you like to give an honest, straight-forward answer or a smart-assed come-back?
You could just say “no.”
Or say, “No. Do you?” or “Are you writing a book?” “Does it matter?” “Why?” “Who wants to know?” “Are we playing Jeopardy?” “Not since I last checked.” “Is there any beer?”

LiveLearnLove My point is what possible use can we be to you when you work with and are surrounded by people who handle these situations for a living? This is the sort of question I would expect us to be asking YOU!

@stanleybmanly My agents and team don’t really give me advice such as this. They handle the business side, finances, work, marketing etc…... In fact I was thinking of hiring a lawyer to ask these things (which I probably will still do). It can be lonely sometimes when you don’t really have anyone to speak with about certain personal issues that’s why I came on here. I am going to delete my profile now or tomorrow. I feel like I’ve gotten honest good advice from everyone thank you. Sometimes talking to complete strangers feels much better than people who know you.

@JLeslie Thank you

Good luck, and I mean it

@stanleybmanly Thank you that really means a lot and I appreciate it very much. Everyone gave insightful and great answers thank you.

First of all, no need to delete your profile unless you want to. Nobody knows who you are.

But FWIW, what would I do in your situation? The answer is it totally depends. I could see it both ways. If you look at someone like Jodie Foster, she keeps her personal life extremely private. There are others who are “out there” and use the negative publicity as publicity, as it’s still publicity.

So here it is:
1) Whatever you do, don’t lie. Ever. You will be caught.

2) It’s okay to be vague or to not answer. Whenever Keanu Reeves is ever asked about his sister he just doesn’t answer. If you don’t want people to know, just say, “Yes, but I prefer not to talk about it.”

3) If you want people to know, or don’t care, then be open about it.

@LiveLearnLove I can just say “I don’t talk about my private life” but then that might seem kind of mean or like I’m trying to “hide” something.

I didn’t tell you to say that. I told you to say “no” to the question. In your scenario you blatantly drop a hint that you are hiding your secret, but in my scenario you give a straight answer and give no chance for people to push further.

And I was just joking about the news :) But seriously, you have revealed a bit too much to us. You could just have said that you are “a celebrity” and we could get it. You didn’t need to say you are “a Hollywood celebrity”. Not to mention your age, and your status on Google and such. It may narrow down the possibility for people to find you. Fortunately this site isn’t so well-known and there are not so many people here and few of us want to steal your sensitive infomation so you are safe here. Just a reminder for you to take more caution if you want to discuss something so sensitive.

If you don’t want anyone to know about it, the simple solution is not to tell anyone about it. They may be your biological siblings, but you didn’t grow up with them and don’t know them. It’s not lying to say “I have no siblings.”

And, I guarantee you, anyone who asks you whether you have siblings or not is not looking for the dramatic story that your life has turned out to be. They just want to know if you’ve experienced similar family dynamics to what they’ve experienced. You know, whether you grew up as the middle child, or the baby of the family. The revelations about your father’s other children, who you never knew, don’t affect any of that, and will not answer an acquaintance’s question when you are asked.

Edited to add: Sorry, I only now read the responses in which you explain that you’re a celebrity. That does add a different dimension here, in that there is the potential for someone to investigate your private life, and you won’t want them to think you’ve been lying. If it comes up in interviews, my advice would be to keep the discussion focused on you. If they say “Do you have brothers and sisters?” say, “I grew up an only child” or “It was just me growing up,” both of which are true statements, and will stand up to scrutiny later. But they will preserve your half-siblings’ anonymity for as long as possible, which appears to be your top priority. But I think you need to be prepared to tell the truth if you are pressed on it. Because if someone does discover the truth and find it interesting enough to expose, they will not be direct about this with you. Instead, they will likely try to catch you in a lie.

Maybe you should hire a publicist?

@Mimishu1995

I’m using an unknown email that is not mine, I’m using a different computer and I’m out of state currently so this can not be traced back to me.

I also changed a few minor details (like my age as you mentioned, etc) so that if someone on here did want to research they would not be able to find out who I am.

That’s exactly the reason why I chose to be anonymous on here and ask a bunch of strangers who do not know who I am instead of in person.

@LiveLearnLove ok. It’s just that you don’t really need to put the Hollywood thing here too. It isn’t that necessary. Anyway, it’s nice to know that we have a celebrity here on Fluther <give out hand to shake>

And my answer is still the same: give the answer of “no” instead of “I don’t want to talk about my private life”.

Well, they’re half-brothers and half-sisters, so perhaps that’s enough of a distinction for them to not be brothers and sisters. Or not. But who cares. Just say “no.” You don’t really know them anyway.

I have half-sisters and brothers, but I don’t know them, (or you don’t know them well). We didn’t grow up together. And leave it at that. It’s nobody else’s business.

And welcome to Fluther and you can certainly ask questions here privately. There is no reason for anyone here to know anything about you that you don’t want to share. I doubt we could identify you from what you’ve said.

You could always say “Not that I know of” with a little chuckle.

Your answer sounds like it should be a big belting show tune, an impro one obviously

I have two biological siblings and three step-siblings. The step-siblings are all much older than me and we were not raised together.

When I’m asked how many brothers and sisters I have, I say, “one of each”.

If pressed, I’ll say my stepfather has kids too, but if you didn’t grow up fighting over who has to sit in the middle seat on a long car ride, they’re not really siblings.

I agree with @JLeslie, casually saying that you grew up as an only child should cover it, especially if you don’t emphasize anything about it, and have a “next question?” Attitude. You’re not lying, not hiding anything, merely treating the subject as a non-issue in your life (which it kind of is, in this context).

Recognize, however, that if your half-sibs know about you, the more famous you are, the greater the likelihood they might make the relationship public.

Good luck with this!

Your dad’s kids are biological half siblings. The goal of people asking if you have brothers and sisters is to know if you grew up with siblings, not to find out about your father’s escapades. I’d leave all that out of the conversation unless you are particularly close to the person. That info is personal to your father’s information, not yours.

I have 2 half siblings that I did not grow up with. When I’m asked how many siblings I have, I never include them. A few of my close friends know that I have 2 half siblings, but in the grand scheme of life, they have never been in my life, so I don’t feel that it is necessary to include them in the count.

Welcome to Fluther and I hope you stay around.

Yes and welcome to Fluther. We are a mixed bag here from around the world. Eggs of all sorts.

Sibling questions are common icebreakers and getting-to-know-you small talk. “Do you have siblings?” is right up there on the list with, “Where did you grow up?” or, “Where did you go to school?”. The questions aren’t meant to be intrusive, and they’re no cause for offense.

If the answer’s sensitive, however, the simple solution is to avoid oversharing. Nobody’s really asking for a person’s entire, intimate life story. In @LiveLearnLove‘s situation, I think I’d simply respond with, “I’m an only child.”

Here is what struck me from what you posted:

You grew up an only child.
You subsequently don’t feel an attachment to your siblings (understandably).
You feel very conscious about explaining your private life to, “other people”.

You are not a, “jerk”, for wanting, or holding this information private. If it’s easier on and for you, continue telling people you are an only child. Should they ever warrant a more detailed explanation (development through friendship/romantic interest or otherwise), share it when you feel comfortable.

Before you discovered your siblings, were you not an only child? Factually your responses were incorrect. Have you experienced any backlash for this? In my opinion, most people will be able to understand your course and why you generically label yourself an only child.
The risk of your siblings airing their laundry is another topic, but in my opinion relegated to the same vein. You don’t have control over it. If they are hungry for a piece of your pie, would your answers be enough to satiate their appetite all together?

“Oh, I’m still without his money/fame, but because he said I exist, I won’t try to get anything from him.”

That doesn’t sound likely.

The past events are out of your control. Holding of the information for all of eternity in secret, is out of your control. The choices of your siblings are out of your control. How the media will spin it should they discover it, is out of your control.

Control what you can; feeling at ease in carrying on simple conversation with, “other people”.

What the first person stated (@zenvelo) who answered your question seems the best, if you don’t want to seem combative; grew up with no full siblings, father had others. Or any of the variations given by others afterward. My inclination is less diplomatic, but that’s not what you’re looking for.

How about, “I was an only child.” Afterall, you were until you became an adult and found out about the half siblings.

I would like to ask if you are trying to protect your dad from an invasion of his privacy due to your status? Why not try to have this conversation with him and see what he thinks?

I think the important part of this is that all of what happened prior to you turning 21 was totally out of your control. And is mostly still out of your control. There is nothimg you can do to change the past. But it is clearly your fathers past, not yours.

As @Rarebear pointed out, the worst thing you can do is lie because that will blow back on you. But stating that “I was (past tense) an only child” is absolutely true. You’re simply leaving out anything after age 21 and the average person isn’t going to pick that apart because there’s simply no logical reason to do so.

If a nosy reporter lets you know that they’ve discovered your fathers past indiscretions, then that’s a different scenario. But until then, simply stating that you were (not are) an only child should be enough. And it’s not a lie.

The master of this, Bill Clinton, gave the perfect example on how to use the past or present tense of the verb “to be” with great care. This is a large part of why the accusation of lying didn’t stick. He kept saying there IS NO inappropriate relationship, avoiding use of past tense like the plague. Do you remember the famous line “it depends on what the meaning of is is.”

People laughed, but it worked.

So you want to do something similar but opposite. I was rather than I am, avoiding the present tense like the plague.
If you just simply offhandedly say “I WAS an only child” and move naturally on to the next question or the rest of the conversation, there really shouldn’t be a problem either now or in the future. Even if some reporter eventually ferrets out your fathers past, you weren’t lying.

And if that day ever comes when a reporter lets you know that he’s on to your fathers past, THATS WHEN a lawyer or publicist will be needed to help you craft a statement to preempt the tabloids making a big deal out of it. If you put the info out there it robs them of the opportunity to make you out as a liar and create a scandal around you. You had nothing to do with your fathers conduct. Only if you try to cover for him by lying directly will you then become involved. Indirect avoidance by using past tense isn’t lying. It’s simply not offering extraneous information.

The thing you need to keep in mind is that the situation was caused by your fathers actions and actions have consequences. There’s only so far that you can go to prevent that. It’s admirable that you don’t want to trash him unnecessarily, but there may well come a day when you can no longer protect him without making yourself look like a liar.

And you are not obligated to do that. If your current discretion can forestall that day, then all well and good. But if that day comes you cannot try to cover it up or lie for him.

But until then, the general rule of thumb is that the less said the better. And I think that “I was an only child” is a very simple statement that gets the job done nicely.

Good luck and hopefully that day will never come that you are confronted by a nosy reporter who has unearthed your fathers dirt. Celebrity or not, you deserve all the same privacy and courtesy as anyone else.

@Stinley Protect the OP’s dad? I never would have thought of that. I’ll be curious to see what the OP says about that. 9 half brothers and sisters that she knows of. When I hear that it makes me think the father has kids with a lot of different women. Not something most children are proud to say about their dad. I might be way off, but it looks like the dad spent a lifetime making bunches of babies. If it was just with one other SO I think the OP would know exactly how many half siblings exist. Protecting the dad? I doubt he cares or he wouldn’t have been so “careless” if he was being careless.

@JLeslie I know, I was thinking that too. I was wondering though if by thinking about this or discussing it with him, she could put this aside and be able to think about it in terms of how it affects her only.

@Stinley I just reread the original Q and I see why you asked your question now. When I first skimmed the Q it just didn’t register with me that the OP would have any worry for the dad’s reputation. I don’t know if when the OP wrote about protecting her family if she meant her immediate family, meaning her nuclear family, including her dad, or not?

@JLeslie I would say that it is always about the parents. The whole question deeply involves the father and what he did. To find this out is huge and warrants the OP to deal with this, what must feel like a massive betrayal from dad. Dealing with that will surely make the answer to ‘what should I say?’ come more easily and without fear.

Looks like the OP has left