How do you control an agile, gifted ,child?

I wore a leash when I was young. My mom had a hard time keeping up with me when I was two or three.

No sugar!

Wild eyed kids are either bored, hungry or have learned they can manipulate their parents. A good smart parent will always be prepared for all moments of disruption a child may throw their way. Snacks, toys other items that may momentarily occupy the child are cruicial to a succesful outing. Keep choices to an either or option….bribing kids or too many choices is a recipe for disaster. Stick to your guns and be always prepared to bail at a moments notice if the demon seed child goes nuclear…never ever give in to petulent behavior.

There are child leashes…

But I would suggest trying to understand what’s going on with the kid, and figuring out how to manage and interact with that, rather than overpower it. In an age(?) appropriate way, talk to the kid and ask them why they’re doing that, explain that you need them not to act in certain ways in certain times and places, and figure out with them what’s going on and what you both can do about it. I think usually surprising wild behavior calls for more attention and communication.

And less sugar. ;-) And more energy use when not in adult places.

I think if it the child is being way “wilder” than is normal, a doctor should be seen and/or counselor. Just to make sure the child is healthy.

Read up on giftedness and personality theory. Often very bright kids exhibit a lot of behaviors that average, not very bright parents/people try to control. High energy, high curiosity, high argumentiveness, challenging, do it my way, don’t try to control me, are often signs of giftedness. Trust me, I know, I tested gifted as a child and forever was battling my parents uber conservative and authoritarian traits.

You don’t “control” children, you educate yourself as to their personality types and work with them. it took me 43 years to quit trying to stuff my square peg into the others round hols. Bah!

I have a son and two grandsons who are diagnosed ADHD.

When they were younger, we went home when they didn’t behave, immediately, no second chances. When my son was a babe in arms, one of us would stand outside the restauant with him while the other ate, then trade places, or similar with family dinners. It often took Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt and Uncle to get through a meal.

We made sure my son had as much exercise as possible, including buying a house with a pool and letting him swim from the moment he woke up until sundown. He did his school work at night.

If it was a bedtime issue, I remember lying in the bed with my arms wrapped around a kicking and screaming child and singing to him for up to 20 minutes, until he calmed down.

For school lessons, I home schooled my son. We have both my younger grandsons in a charter school that tries to work with them. At home, I allow the oldest one to take a break every 10 minutes until all his homework is done.

When shopping, I park far away from the entrance and have them run around the outside of the parking lot before we ever go in the store. If they act up, I ask them if they want to go home or run around the parking lot again. They usually choose running.

@YARNLADY Congratulations on one of the best thought out approaches to the “busy” kid that I’ve come across.

@stanleybmanly Occasionally, the circumstance isn’t the best. My grandson was expecting to see the fireworks at Disneyland last year, but the family chose not to. He screamed and cried and tried to run away, but we had a harness and leash with us, which we had to use. He was 6 years old at the time.

If you have to ask, it’s probably too late. “Give ‘em an inch and they’ll take a mile.”
Kids take control like a dog takes control. If you don’t watch out, they become the dominate “alpha.” Then if you attempt to take the “alpha” role away from them, the fight will be on!
Be the Master!
A firm application of a rolled-up newspaper at the appropriate time in their mental development assures that you will be, and will remain, the “alpha.” But you have to start early while the newspaper has it’s initial loud effect. Once they learn that there is no pain involved, you’re screwed. Get their attention early and keep it! Doing this, once they learn that there is no pain, you will have supplanted yourself in a permanent, dominate, respected, “alpha” role.

@kritiper I do not advocate hitting a child for any reason what so ever.

Kids aren’t that different than energetic pets. They respond to lots of activities, a firm approach and rewards. Problem is people today reward even when they misbehave, and don’t take kids outside to play enough, and hardly ever mean what they say. Why because it is inconvenient.

@YARNLADY “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”
Obviously, you are not in control. But you beat ‘em your way and I’ll beat ‘em mine.

@kritiper I do understand “your” way. It is the same as “survival of the fitest”. We do not live in that old fashion way anymore and the sooner mankind can accept the path that leads to advancement, the better.

@kritiper Actually, “spare the rod and spoil the child” does not mean to beat children into submission. I am not religious but know enough theology to know that this saying is misconstrued. The “rod” was another name for a shepherds staff, used to guide his flock. What that saying really translates to is, spare guidance you spoil a child, as in you deprive them of guidance not indulge bad behavior from a lack of discipline.

I remember probably the first and only time I spanked my daughter. She was about 24 months. Very active. She was a good girl and very loving but to much of a danger to herself. Although I did most house chores as my children slept, there are some things that could not wait. Like making meals or changing bed sheets. She listened well and would stay put playing alone but when she got something in her mind to do, she did it without asking.

Well she loved to climb and jump. So climbing a table to jump or squeezing behind a chair to the point where the chair flipped was no big deal to her. Even if she got hurt she would do it again till she conquered this great feat. So one day when she almost busted her head, I spanked her. She never attempted it again. I did the talking thing. I did the punishment thing and time out. But it wasn’t till I tanned her hide did she stop. She was the kind of kid, that the more you told her no, the more she wanted and needed to do it. She had no concept of danger.
I had a friend who had a child and she would talk and bribe and plead with her son. But when he had a fit, there was nothing she could do. One day I went out with her and her son. She didn’t have money to buy him a toy he wanted but bought him something less expensive. He would push her and bite her and kick her. He ran out of the store into traffic in the parking lot. In the car she was able to strap him in the car seat but he knew how to get out. I tried holding him in the seat as she drove but he was pretty strong for a little guy and was trying to bite and kick me. He got lose and tried to open the car door. Luckily it had the child safety feature but then he got so angry that he was pulling her hair as she drove on a busy road and hitting her face. I pushed him back in his chair and told him I would spank him. She said to me. Oh, I don’t believe in spanking. I told her I don’t believe in letting a child endanger themselves or other people. I told her if she doesn’t get a grip on his rage, one day he will either harm himself or someone else.
I told her I would never go shopping with them again. Next time he will cause an accident that may kill them both or someone else on the road.
It wasn’t till her husband spanked him that he learned not all bad behavior will be dismissed.

@Pandora I do not believe that the only way to teach the child was to spank. They can learn not to repeat the behavior in front of the spanker, but the behavior will still occur. You need to teach them not to repeat the behavior, NOT TO FEAR SPANKING>

I didn’t say it was the only way. What I was saying is that after trying to educate, punish, or a host of other things, at certain ages, children will still not understand or may be so stubborn that the will not stop that behavior. So I rather have a live kid that is temporarily cry, more out of hurt feelings but won’t do it again, than a dead child that adored me till it’s demise. She eventually learned to fear doing risky behavior but not when she was 2. And it was the only time I spanked her. She was not afraid of getting hurt and it wasn’t that I didn’t take the time to try to explain that she would get hurt, but she wouldn’t grab the concept. She would get hurt and actually while crying (like an anger cry because she wasn’t successful) she would attempt it right in front of me even as I was telling her no. No to her meant go.

And as for my friend. The excuse that she didn’t want to spank her child wouldn’t have meant squat one day if he was the reason behind a car accident. He even killed their pet hamster one day because of a fit of rage. Up to that time he had never been spanked. Why would he be allowed to hit, bite and injure and kill but he shouldn’t be spanked? It wasn’t like he was learning violence from his folks. Dad was not allowed to hit him because mom threatened to leave him if he ever did. Till one day he couldn’t take it. Yes, the kid feared spanking and learned respect for his dad. He learned that everyone wasn’t going to let him get away with being brutal. Mom got mad but she stayed and the kid grew up quite well, and more in control of his feelings.

@Pandora I certainly agree that spanking will acheive the desired results in the long run. What I am trying to acqure is the abiltity to achieve that result by non-violent means. Respect is not the same as fear.

It can be achieved. I really never needed to spank my daughter other than that one time. Most of the time, all I had to do was seem upset with her and she would cry like I did beat her. She wanted to please so much. I always made sure to let her know the behavior was undesirable but I would always love her. But at that one time, she was not focused on me or making me happy or even listening to me. She was intent on having her way at any cost that day. The best way to describe it, is like she was blinded by her rage of not being able to complete her task. She was fixed on satisfying her curiosity. And I agree. Respect not the same as fear. But I needed a healthy dose of fear to keep her safe from herself. I didn’t need her respect me. She certainly wasn’t respecting gravity. I didn’t spank her because I wanted her to respect me. I spanked her to make sure she stayed alive.

When they were older time out was more sufficient. But that doesn’t bring respect either. What wins respect is keeping your word. Never tell a child something you are not going to deliver on. That means promises and punishment. Respect also comes from years of love and care. But breaking your word, teaches them something worse than any spanking. It teaches them that you are a liar.

@Pandora We also need to realize that each child will respond to different actions. One will change his behavior based on punishment, while another will respond to hugs. We must recognize what our reaction will be, based on past experience.

I assume you meant children that can already comprehend human language. My advise is to never take them outside the house for fun until they can behave themselves (those who stay too much at home will become shy individuals, and shy individuals won’t misbehave in public). Eventually they will become desperate enough and come to ask you to take them out, this time you can actually make them promise to not misbehave in public. This way you don’t need to control them as they’re already controlling themselves.