Do you find cemeteries peaceful?

I have always found them to be solemn, peaceful places. I used to enjoy walks through the cemetery.
Now that both parents are there, it’s harder.

I find them very peaceful actually and have all my life. This includes cemeteries where I have loved ones buried and those where I don’t. I grew up across the street from a cemetery, so that may well be part of why I feel comfortable there as I used to go in there all the time.

There are often little to no people around me at all, that is quite peaceful for me. Also, I feel I can totally be myself there. I can feel any feelings I want/need and display them and know I won’t be judged.

My father died when I was 13. Once I could drive I visited his grave a lot. I could talk to him, out loud in full voice (not whispers) with no one around to hear me. I would sing to him too.
These are things that are harder to do at home if you live with other people or share walls at all. I found that very freeing.

Depends on their location. Actually they are peaceful places. It can be heartbreaking to see loved ones of the deceased standing at the grave or sitting crying over it.

I like the ones that are like public gardens with graves mixed in. We visited one in Germany where a couple of my greatgrandparents are buried. The gardens are so beautiful that tour buses go.

I also enjoy walking through some of the older, abandoned cemetaries in the country.

I guess it’s the walking part I like. Sort of like an educational take on golfing.

One of the best places for a peaceful walk in Oakland CA is Mountain View Cemetery; it has been in active use since the Gold Rush and is large, hilly, and has plenty of trees.

I have always been comfortable with cemeteries, they are generally the epitome of serene.

I find them very peaceful, not scary at all. I live across the street from one.

I love visiting cemeteries. I find them peaceful, but also fascinating from a historic perspective. I sometimes take photos in cemeteries. Not of visitors or of grave details. However, it’s hard to capture the beauty and serenity some cemeteries have. I keep trying, but I’m never entirely happy with the results. I’ve visited a number of military cemeteries. Incredibly sad places, but such a reminder of the futility and waste of war.

Why are you uncomfortable when visiting cemeteries?

^ The biggest reason is probably the grave right next to my friend’s. It’s that of a 13-year-old girl who killed herself. My friend died during a time which was very difficult for my teenage sister, and the story of that girl hit way too close to home. The other reason, I suppose, is just conditioning. I’ve never gone to a cemetery just to relax or enjoy my surroundings. The handful of times I’ve been, it was to mourn a loss. Maybe I should make a point of just visiting cemeteries once in a while.

I love cemeteries. I like thinking about the people in the graves from the information on the gravestone. I think about what their life must have been like, based upon the time period. Women during the colonial era, doing lots of chores and taking care of the kids, sewing clothes, giving birth without much medical intervention, perhaps dying in childbirth. People living during world wars and what sacrifice was like for those who stayed home. All the history – I’m a history major.

A really great cemetery is Woodlawn in the Bronx. Lots of famous people there, lots of people from industry (people who started the big department stores, people like Armour from the meatpacking industry). Lots of beautiful mausoleums, some by famous architects, for example the architect for St. Patrick’s cathedral. Many mausoleums have stained glass, like little chapels.

When I visit cemeteries, I try to think about the people and I try to feel their souls.

@longgone That is really tough about the young girl, that would bother me as well. Maybe you could try going to the cemetery but at least starting out in an area that isn’t where your friend is buried. If there are any areas that are grave free and somewhat pretty that can be easier. You can still talk to your friend from that area or pray or whatever it is you need.

Living in the city, cemeteries are actually some of the more “natural” treesy places around. So while I never really enjoyed them before when I lived in a more rural area, I appreciate them now. There’s one I go to around here for birdwatching.

I’m sorry about your friend. :(

Cemeteries are peaceful when you do not know the dead who are buried there. If you were close to someone seeing their grave could be upsetting. But they aren’t really there, they are in all the places you remember them.

When i worked at a small library, i would take my lunch and a book to a nearby old cemetery for a break. I would suggest taking a book of poetry or something you both liked and reading it there.

I find silence peaceful, yes. Cemeteries are always quiet. I don’t believe in the supernatural so the dead body/spirit thing doesn’t bother me.

I absolutely love old, historic cemeteries. Wandering around to read inscriptions and imagining the back-stories, finding truly old headstones, seeing the diverse memorials left for loved ones….

I actually had a statistics course in which we went to a really old cemetery and teams of us counted dates and ages of death and then were able to correlate with historical infant mortality rates and average life spans. Fascinating. I also enjoyed touring cemeteries in New Orleans and Key West.

Newer cemeteries strike me as cold and sterile places of business.

I have to go to the cementery every New Year to pay tribute to all our ancestors, yeah, the old tradition. I have the most neutral feeling you could imagine, probably because I always go with my big family. The process is always the same: go to one grave, give the dead flowers, stay for a while chatting, give the dead’s “neighbors” flowers if we can, repeat until all graves are visited. Except for visiting the grave of my grandpa, I feel like the whole thing is a chore, mainly because I never go alone and have to follow the adults’ direction everywhere. Oh, and I have no real emotional connection to most of the ancestors too. I can never go alone though, the cementery is too far away.

If you feel too uncomfortable, can you bring another person with you? At the cementery, apart from listening to the adults’ chatting and yawn, I comfort my grandma on the way. She seems to be as distressed as you around the grave of my grandpa, and she loses it sometimes and cries when she sees his face on the grave. So I think if you are too uncomfortable, don’t force yourself to go alone. You can ask someone who understands you to go with you, at least for some emotional comfort. And if it makes you feel any better, give some flowers to the girl next to your friend.

While the adults busy chatting, I also have lots of fun figuring out the Chinese letters on the graves. Often they have the modern day’s reading under each letter, but in some cases there is none, and I love reading them from scratch like that. Usually the Chinese letters are about family and things like that, which are references to amcient moral teaching and things that I’m not so familiar with. So even with the reading below, it still takes brain power to understand the meaning. I find it a good leisure to pass the time.

What’s a cemetery but nature and memories.
Our First Public Parks: The Forgotten History of Cemeteries

If your friend was along on a picnic with you, what would you pack?
Pack a basket.
Whether you unpack any or all of the stuff is your choice.
Next year will be easier.

I like to think of them as historical sites. There is so much to learn by looking at each headstone. Each person has a story to tell.

Pondering this question, I realize I’ve never much cared for cemeteries, probably because I was taught—and still believe—that markers and tombstones are cold substitutes for warm memories.

Way too peaceful.

Not really. I feel uncomfortable walking on someone’s grave and try to spend as little time in them as possible.

Locally, cemeteries are becoming a popular place for people to exercise by walking laps.

It seems vaguely disrespectful to me, but I don’t really object.

I actually learned to drive in a cemetery. It was the one that I lived across from for 18 years.
It worked out well.
Some may feel that was disrespectful. I dunno. I didn’t have a problem staying on the road paths though.

Thanks, all. It’s over. The day went better than I thought it would, and a few of the suggestions on this thread helped a lot. I spent some time on the cemetery by myself (an absolute first). Read my book and listened to the birds chirp. It was peaceful.

@longgone I’m glad to read it was a peaceful experience. Hopefully you found some comfort being there.

@BellaB I did, surprisingly. My perspective changed. I assumed cemeteries were about mourning, and just quiet as a byproduct of that. I am now thinking that they’re quiet and full of flowers to give the mourners some comfort, and I was able to appreciate that without thinking about death. It was a beautiful day, which helped a lot.

@longgone , are you familiar with the Jewish tradition of putting small stones on/by gravestones ?

I learned about it about a decade ago when an online friend died. I was one of the people who was local to him/his family and I represented our online community at shiva/funeral/tombstone unveling . After hearing about the stone tradition, a number of members of our group mailed stones from their homes for Bo and me to place on Paul’s memorial. It still makes me happy to know they’re there – and I have returned to add stones over the years.

My father now takes a small stone to my mother’s grave every week when he visits. He picks them up at parks/beaches he walks at so the connection between them remains.

We have benefitted from learning of this lovely tradition.

@BellaB Yes, I really like that, too. Flowers die way to fast.

Sometimes people in the family or friends will buy or pick up souvenirs and gifts and bring them to the grave to leave as a memento.