Why does it feel like my boss is afraid to be alone with me?

Any person in a position of authority would be an idiot to not be at least circumspect about being alone with a member of the opposite sex under their authority, IMO.

If there was some sort of “connection” or “spark” there at one time, doubly so. Most of the time those feelings we believe are special only between two people are picked up by others, and tongues wag.

Perhaps he senses you are in lust with him and he feels uncomfortable but doesn’t know how to tell you nicely.

From the details you have provided this sounds like the opening to an erotic thriller.

If he values his position in the company and community, if he values his relationship with his wife and family, and if he has any sense at all, then he would have to be an idiot not to realize the risk he runs while you two are playing – and apparently escalating – this game.

Like the question you asked last summer, he is most likely a bit smitten with you, and in other circumstances might act upon it. But he values his job and his marriage, And because there may be a chance that others pick up on his crush, he does his best to always avoid being alone with you.

He sounds very smart.

So best for you to smile to yourself, know that he favors you, and leave it at that.

You are playing with fire. Stop flirting with this married man that is your boss. If things escalate someone will definitely get hurt. Not only by losing their job but by losing their family, friends and self respect. Find a single man to gaze into his eyes with.

@zenvelo

Its a different boss

I was above average in beauty when I was younger. I never had the kind of “problems” you seem to have with every boss and every male co-worker, even though there was no end to the passes being made. Maybe that’s because I didn’t actively encourage it the way you do. I valued my job and I respected myself.

You asked a similarly themed question last winter.

In my opinion, only two things are likely to be true.

Either you work in a place that is a hotbed of sexual intrigue or…
Your insecurity/inferiority complex is manifesting itself as vivid fantasy.

Given the current legal and political climate regarding sex and the workplace, it is not likely the former.

That leaves the latter in which case your boss is right to be afraid. Very afraid

I SO relate to what’s going on with you right now, so my answer comes from a place of caring, not judging. You seem to be in the grip of an obsessive crush or a limerence. Throughout my life I went through a ton of these, especially for older authority figure types. Eventually it interfered with my daily life enough that I started taking a hard look at my behavior and figuring out how to get better.

A big part of crushes like this is romanticizing the other person- embroidering on your image of them until they seem way better than they actually are, or imagining that your connection is a lot deeper than it actually is.

I believe that this is a form of escapism. It basically does the same thing for your life as being addicted to drugs or alcohol, which is that it gives you a way to avoid an uncomfortable reality. Our pop culture is full of stories where women get rescued from shitty lives by powerful men. The most recent examples I can think of are Twilight or 50 Shades of Grey, but this goes back to Cindarella and fairytales and probably even earlier. We all kind of grow up with it so much that it becomes part of our subconscious.

If anything happens between you and your boss, it could be very destructive for both of your lives. But if you look at examples of famous scandals, like Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, it’s almost always the woman who loses more. He gets on with his life, she becomes a punchline and a pariah.

To outsiders, it might look like your boss is giving you special privileges because of a romantic connection. You don’t want that. If at all possible, I’d recommend being very careful and professional around him and finding another outlet for your romantic feelings. Reading up on codependence and love addiction helps a lot too- same with cultivating strong female friendships.

The good thing about dealing with these kind of crushes is you get a chance to figure out what’s actually going on underneath them, start fixing it, and have healthy romantic relationships and a drama-free life.

Reading all these responses, makes me appreciate how I am even more. Now I know how great and caring a person I am. Sad that there are people with a concrete block build around their minds with no intent to understand and put themselves in someone elses shoes. I know myself and what I think and feel. And no amount of words that anyone can type in response can ever change that. I am to hard a worker to find the time to fantacize and throw myself at any and every male that I see. I know the things I do and the things I don’t care about. So when I see people still making unqualified judgements about what I think and feel, it fortifies the fact that I am the best me that there will ever be. And jealousy over something that’s not real, is evident of other people’s own insecurity. Prople don’t like to hear other people talk about something they wish was happening to them, even if its not really what the person is talking about. Guess this reply will spark another cement block response from someone who just needs to be contrary.

Putting your boss, and other male coworkers, at risk for a sexual harassment lawsuit, or divorce, or trouble in the work environment, or whatever, is neither kind nor caring, @Heather13. It is selfish. You’re doing it to feed your ego because you are insecure.

Every woman on the planet has the opportunity to play flirting games with virtually any man. Every. Single. Woman. You choose to to take advantage of that opportunity. It certainly doesn’t make you special, in any way what so ever.

You also say you wouldn’t “do any thing because you’re not that type.” Then you’re a tease, because your behavior is suggesting to your boss, and other men, that you would. Again, that is certainly nothing unique or special in the world of women. It’s underhanded, actually.

I know, Jak. I’m going to stop following after this, but I can’t get over the fact that she is so amazed at the attention she’s getting from men. Most girls figure out at about 12 or 13 that something has changed. It’s confusing at first, but slowly you learn that it’s all about sex, and that there is quite a bit of power there. Some women abuse it, and trick men into commitments. Some simply use it to get something (which is fine, if they’re fine with getting new floors laid in return for getting laid true story, but not mine then go for it,) but they don’t act all astonished that they’re getting the reactions they’re getting.

Maybe the question underlying all of her questions, which all follow the same theme, is, “Is it possible that I am so beautiful, so amazingly attractive, that men just can’t help themselves and all the women are insanely jealous of me?”

It’s like, wake up. “It’s called boobs, Ed.” We all have ‘em. We ALL can get the kind of responses that she works to get. It’s a piece of cake, and nothing special.

OTOH, there are some high quality men who won’t fall for it, because it’s cheap. Of course, we won’t hear about them from her.

@Dutchess_III, given the number of similar questions the poster has asked, we can’t be sure these men are so enamoured with her. I’m not sure they are at risk or are being tricked. As @Haleth has suggested, perhaps the problem is more with her interpretation of their interactions. Apparently, multiple men give her these strange, lingering looks. If they are looking at her and avoiding her, perhaps it’s because they recognise something isn’t right. Given she often says they’re avoiding being near her and acting strangely around her, and given we know how often she has these fantasies, perhaps these men are anything but enamoured with her.

Yeah, pretty sure it’s all a product of her fevered imagination and more wishful thinking, Walter Mitty type stuff. Yawn.

@Heather13: You’ve asked for advice and then gotten mad at the Jellies for advising you.

Just a quick glance at your profile page shows that the majority of questions are about men and their reactions toward you: http://www.fluther.com/users/Heather13/questions/

It seems something is going on because most women that I know have not reported the same issues with men, at least as far as I know. You are either insanely beautiful or there’s something about you that is driving men wild and making them all question their loyalty to their significant others and their employment. This is fascinating. ~

***Like I said, cement block***
If it eases the minds that I am a strange woman with a wild imagination and looking for male attention, then ok, I acquiesce. Since you are all in agreement, the only logical conclusion is I am a crazy ego maniac scaring of men, while assuming their attraction in my vivid “imagination”. Especialy because of my “flirting”. (I chuckle to think I even know the meaning of the term much less to put it into action). None the less, I think we have exhausted the issue. A grave dug. Burried.

Because you “act” like an attention whore. I didn’t say you are one, you act like one. So don’t accuse me of a personal attack.

You are one of those young ladies, and we all know at least one, who thrive on drama. You want us all to know how “irresistible a beautiful and intriguing” you are, even if you aren’t.

Most of your questions involve one man or another staring at you, and then avoiding you, and all of these smoldering looks, and pulling apart. Puhleeze! How old are you? This is the stuff of teenage romance novels.

I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that you could do with a few sessions of counseling to figure out why you feel the need for this kind of attention.

I’m guessing that you will be incensed by what I just said and try to tell us again how “above board” you are with all of these men at work. You know, and so do the rest of us, that you want to appear to us (and to these men you work with) to be this madonna/whore type. You know, the good girl who is sexually irresistible to men. And then you feign innocence to your behavior. We know you, or at least we know your type. You’re in the workplace, you’re in the universities, you’re all over Facebook, or at least your type is, wreaking havoc, crying and lamenting, unfriending and gossiping and telling everybody of your woes.

To answer your question exactly as you wrote it Why does it feel like my boss is afraid to be alone with me? He’s not, he’s getting tired of your silly game playing.

@Kardamom

Ok God the Almighty.
You know all things.

@Heather13 No, not all things. Just your type. Girls like you are all over the place. Just look at Facebook.

@Kardamom

Do you know why doctors, including mental health professionals don’t try to diagnose nor tell a person what their issue is without first meeting with the individual in person?

None of you here are mentally and psychologically qualified to pass judgement about my character. This “type” as you say is based on your own misguided understanding. And you refering to these “types” on facebook. Where are you getting this garbage? It really does take one fool to make many. You have no knowledge of my moral and ethical views and upbringing. My full life experiences, nor the type of mind that is required to even begin to listen to what I said. These things you would need to know for sure before making an accurate assesment of another person’s behavior. If it was do simple, the proffessionals would need not spend countless years and money to become qualified to try. “Girls like you”. That’s such a pumpus position to take. Have I told you or anyone else about me or my life? So that you would know who are girls like me?

For you information, I am a grown woman. With a life. Not some teenage nutcase. I asked a few questions based on incidences. I didnt spill a bunch of nonsense about my life. Perception is reality. I don’t believe I should excuse you nor anyone else for talking to or about me in the fashion that you have. If I find it unacceptable, I will respond at will. Its MY post. And if I feel attack, I refuse to fold my hands and take it. I would advise anyone, yourself included, to do the same for yourself. If you disagree with any of my post, fine. Of course. But trashing me, No. No ma’am. Utterly unacceptable. It takes a lower kind of mind to do this to someone. That’s why cyber bullying is so rampant.

@Heather13: You keep asking the same question over and over, words slightly changed.

If you feel like you don’t want to hear what people say, you shouldn’t be asking. All of the responses you gave here, except for one where you said “it’s a different boss” have been you being very upset and hostile toward everyone. Like @Kardamom said, manufactured drama.

Peace unto you all. Let the girl sort the issue out herself.

@ZEPHYRA

I am trying. I definitely won’t ask about these day to day issues on here again. It was certainly not the place for that type topic.

Long, lingering stares?

He’s a vampire.

Is it incense like the kind you would burn while smoking weed, or incensed like being enraged when you’re being called out?

All I know is that the more men that stare at her, the worse her spelling gets. Yep, you all know the type.