Interesting that Attachment Theory teaches that children naturally bond to abusive parents even stronger than non abusive parents. A biological imperative, a child who is neglected or abused was forced to bond to their abuser even stronger than normal because they could not be secure with the idea of knowing that parent would protect them.
Children who rejected parents, any parent, were selectively cut out of the gene pool millions of years ago in the animal kingdom. It just doesn’t happen naturally without an external catalyst to promote the detachment.
Attachment Theory is one of our three primary human motivators, akin to hunger and sexuality. It cannot be denied without consequence.
I worked for a extreme abuse foster care home in California. My job was to photograph the children for newsletters. The abused children were literally being hidden from their parents because of the severity of the abuse they suffered. My job requirements mandated photographing the children from behind, or silhouette, never showing their faces to ensure that a family member or parent would never find them, and potentially kidnap them.
My talks with the children were revealing, and backed up all the research I can find on the matter. In asking them, what do you want for your future… the answer was always the same… I want to go home. And that meant home to the abusive parent. It is a biological imperative that must be acknowledged, surveyed, and learned to cope with in a healthy manner with appropriate firm boundaries.
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I also have empathy for the predators among us. First and foremost, none of us would be here right now were it not for the predator nature in every one of us. Another biological imperative that has served our species well to survive. Evolution demands it of us to one degree or another. We’ve all competed for that perfect parking space at the mall. We’re all capable of cheating to get it. The truth of comedy rings loud with depictions of two women wrestling for the last big sale item on the shelf. We all relate to this at a very primitive level.
But, as I’m sure you will agree, the predator mentality, as any other dynamic, can be overindulged, and become harmful to society as a whole. Even love can be overindulged, and become possessive.
I suggest that there is nothing inherently evil about the extreme predator any more than an extreme lover can be viewed as evil. I suggest that we as the middle grounded of society should also look within, at the plank in our own eye, and concern ourselves more with how we engage with any extremist mentality. Instead of reacting, and fueling the fires, perhaps we could do better enacting and interacting with extremists, and provide them an example, a guide, a pathway towards the peace of middle ground, without hurling the weight of extra label baggage upon them. Their journey to conformity is difficult enough. Let’s not weigh them down further with armchair judgements.