How can I tell my boyfriend to come live with me?

I reeled when I read your question, “How can I tell my boyfriend to come live with me?” [emphasis added]. Have you tried asking him?

@Love_my_doggie No Because this is something that happened quick, I was not really really aware of what was happening, I smelled something fishy but was not quite aware of any of it! and now I am caught in 4 walls and my bf thinks i’m going back, I just don’t know what to do.

^^^ It sounds as if you’re going through some difficult and uncertain times. I do hope things will be better soon.

When communication comes to a halt, more silence generally isn’t the answer; some talk, preferably gentle and patient, often works. If you’re in the U.S., you’re celebrating a long, holiday weekend. Could you and your boyfriend find some time to spend together and try to get answers?

@Love_my_doggie He is in another country(In the country we both live,we are foreigners studying there) and now I came to florida and supposedly we might stay here forever I am an adult,he is also an adult( he graduates & finishes his career in february 2017 ) so should I tell him to come live here with me? or is it better to move on?

If you’re 27 yrs. old, why is your dad the deciding factor in where you live?

But the key thing you wrote that jumps out at me is: ” there are things about him that bother me” But you give not a clue as to whether those things are relatively minor or quite serious.

So, just be honest and straightforward in telling your boyfriend what’s going on and that you’re unlikely to return.

Let him decide if he cares for you enough to move to where you are.

I have a hunch that the things you have qualms about with your boyfriend are of a serious nature rather than just trivial. If I were in your position I’d be unwilling to take the chance of moving to be with the boyfriend and then discovering the full extent of the “something” Thats bothering you about him. And most especially consider how it affects your education and future in life.

If it turns out that he wants you to move back to be with him, then you need to think long and hard about whether it’s worth the risk. Or, confront your bf with whatever it is you feel hesitant about and make sure that he is telling you the truth about it. Until then, I’d stay put. Let him be the one to do any moving necessary.

@buttonstc so should I ask him to come here to florida to live with me? I mean we almost have 3 years, what I meant of him bothering me is that he can be childish and kind of dominant.

If it were me, I’d much rather that he move to where I am rather than vice versa.

I see a huge red flag in the “dominant” part here. But that’s my personal opinion.

Nobody can tell you what to do. @Buttonstc has written some very kind and wise thoughts, which you might find helpful to consider.

You’re 27 and your parents have kidnapped you?
Seriously, if you want to go back to where ever it is you came from, just go. If you want to ask your boyfriend if you can stay with him for awhile then do that, but…if, as you said, there are things about him that bother you, well…probably not a good idea.

Do you have friends or other family members back where ever it is you have left?
If you’re not really madly in love with this guy and he does things that bother you then asking him to live together really translates to you using him as an easy way out of your dilemma. Spare the both of you the drama and find a way to live on your own or with another room mate. You are 27, you should be self sufficient, even if you need a roomie to split expenses.

You say he’s childish and dominant and yet this is someone you want to live with?

You’re 27 and your parents are telling you where to live? Is that true?

If it is true, I’d have to say that I don’t think you are mature enough to tell anyone else where to live.

__

Separately, I don’t think it’s ever appropriate for people in adult relationships to demand things of their partners. Talk/discuss/negotiate/ask, don’t tell/demand.

@Buttonstc I agree with you, I feel since he is the man he should come to where I am if he really loves me and wants a serious life with me, and also I think this could be an indicative to see if he actually deep down inside he wants to be with me, we are both adults, and yes I am old enough nobody can tell me anything. What bothers me is that there is still a couple of months for him to graduate which will be on february 2017, I wonder if we can make it til then?

@cecilia09 Being the “man” has nothing to do with it, and setting him up for some sort of “test” to prove his love is manipulative as hell. Maybe you need to prove your love and not put him in an uncomfortable position. True love is always about wanting what’s best for the other person, even if that means they are not in your life. If you really want to make this work and are not just using him as an escape route then YOU need to make whatever changes need to be made to keep the relationship alive not just sling demands on him from afar.

What if he doesn’t want to move to your area? That’s his choice, are you going to respect that or give him a hard time about it? This whole thing sounds really manipulative to me, and coupled with the fact that there are things about him that you don’t really like, I see a boat load of red flags on both sides.

I’m totally confused. If he and you both lived previously in a foreign country, is he a native of that country? If so, how easy would it be for him to come to Florida where he presumably would need to work. Also, if he is studying for a degree that he won’t finish until February, why should he uproot himself and his life plans to come to you? And what does his being the man have to do with anything?

If you want to be with him now, you should go back to where you both lived and studied. If you have doubts about the relationship, see how it fares during this separation. Meanwhile, what is it you want to be doing with your life now – at 27?

@janbb Hey, no he is from the states as well,but we both met in the caribbean studying, and well now my parents want to come back to florida ( where me and my family are originally from) and well I don’t want to break abruptly just like that, and I don’t know how to handle this because we need money and need to start working,that’s the main reason we are going back to florida, and my bf is still in the caribbean almost finishing his medical internship and graduating on february of 2017, I just feel confused and don’t know what to do.I need your humble and honest opinion cause I don’t want to screw up.

Well, again it seems to me that he has to be there to finish his degree. So your choices are: 1) Keep in touch from afar and see if the relationship lasts, 2) Break up with him or 3) Don’t go to Florida with your family (why are they still supporting you?) and find a job in the Caribbean so you can stay with your boyfriend. Nobody can tell you which of those to choose.