Have you ever gotten upset when you find out friends have gotten together and did not include you?

It really depends for me. For the most part, no, because I said “no” so often throughout the years in going to group events that people stopped expecting me to ever say “yes”. I’m really introverted and didn’t typically enjoy doing the same kind of things that my more extroverted friends do/did.

However, depending on what the outing was, or how much I felt like they should know I might enjoy a particular experience with them, it might bother me. I still like to be thought of, even though I say “no” a lot. I wouldn’t outright get pissed at them or anything, but it might hurt my feelings to some degree.

No, I got beyond that in about 10th grade. haha
Don’t feel bad, you know she has issues, and, quite frankly, WTF…did it not cross her mind you didn’t WANT to include her? To give you a hard time about this not only shows her level of emotional immaturity but her lack or respect that maybe you wanted to spend time with your daughter and these other particular friends because, what a concept! it’s your choice!
I too have a friend that I am keeping at arms length at this time because of her emotional issues.

I’d suggest just slowly getting this friend used to you not being very available and don;‘t tell her your plans, it’s your business who you choose to see and what you choose to do and you don’t owe her any explanations.

Only if it was a regular thing to which I had usually been invited, and then I assume there are circumstances. Recently I found out from one friend that such a gathering had happened, then I found out that a person whom I can’t stand had invited herself along, so no one told me it was happening, they assumed I wouldn’t want to go. Good call, no harm, no foul.
When I was twelve it would have crushed me.

I guess I just always figure there are reasons, even if the reason is that they just don’t want me along.

Yesterday, there was a live performance of Welcome to Night Vale in town. Several of my friends went.

I wasn’t upset because they went without me, but I was slightly miffed that so many of them bought tickets and none of them mentioned it to me. I didn’t even know the show was happening.

I enjoy the podcast, but I’m way behind (like, two years), so I didn’t get the announcements that they were going to be here.

I would have liked the chance to hail the Glow Cloud in person.

never, or rather not yet

The thing about this woman is that in the 20 years that I have known her, she has not been to a concert. I know when she was younger she’d been to concerts, but it’s not something she does on a regular basis (Obviously, since not in 20 years). She’s very glum now with her issues and I cannot envision her at a concert of any kind, enjoying the music, clapping and enjoying herself.

She was on my case for not including her, but I just saw her a week ago for dinner (along with one of the women who was also at the concert). When I reminded her that I just saw her a week ago, she said that I wasn’t the one who had the idea to have dinner, she was. The dinner was her idea. She’s keeping track, which to me, is weird. Does it matter whose idea it was? I didn’t think so.

It sounds more and more like the death of a close relative tipped her over the edge into severe abandonment issues, and the concept of another loss (you) makes her behave this way. It’s not the concert, or who initiated dinner, it’s fear of another loss that seems to be driving her. How you deal with this is, of course, your business, but it sounds like you are concerned, compassion for these issues may be you’d best corse of action. You two have been friends for a looong time, I don’t imagine you’ll be OK with just dumping her.

@jca
“She is now a hypochondriac and mentally ill in other ways (anxiety, depression).”
”...in the 20 years that I have known her, she has not been to a concert…”

It’s called the corrective effects of shared thinking In the book titled Personality Disorders in Modern Life by Theodore Millon.

The best thing for a “mentally ill” brain to do is be surrounded by mentally healthy brains.

Yet we often use the illness as an excuse or reason to justify not including a friend in group activities. I know it can become tiresome, always listening to the illness speak. It’s a turnoff. It’s a struggle to be around. It consumes every conversation and seems very selfish.

But… that’s a person crying out for help. That’s a friend sending signals for help.

Not surprisingly, the mentally ill brain will continue to spiral downward if isolated from the once trusted and valued group of friends. But on the other hand, it’s astonishing how quickly the mentally ill brain will align with the mentally healthy brains, and become well again. And actually stronger than before because she’s been through the fire. Given the opportunity to socialize with trusted friends is the very best medicine that anyone could prescribe to her.

But hey, no one likes to be around sick people. Just need to decide how good a friend she really is. Does she deserve a group of friends that will share a bit of her suffering, and lead her back to health simply through good social interactions? Ones that make her feel valued? Ones that prove she is not alone?

Or is she just an acquaintance that never really was a good friend, and therefor not deserving the courtesy of shared suffering, and the power of group healing?

Only the shadow knows.

That is a running joke among my two close friends and me. It first started when I saw them post photos of themselves travelling to somewhere without inviting me. I pretended to be upset and commented “Why ya fotgot me :(” but I already knew that they were both out of the city at that tome so they couldn’t inform me about the trip. They often invite me to gather but sometimes I refuse because of different circumstances. But I still come to Facebook to comment that on their photos. After some time it became a joke. When I refuse to go anywhere they always say: “Ok, we remembered ya this time” or I say: “Have a good trip, and don’t forget to post on Facebook so that I can say why ya fogot me” or any variant of the joke. You can clearly see no one is so offended by being left behind. You can’t give someone all your time and attention.

It’s other way round actually…in many cases I am unable to make it due to busy schedule/ assignments due to which my friends get upset at me:)

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies: She is often hostile which is hard to tolerate. It makes for an unpleasant vibe and I brace myself for her aggressive questioning. When she’s not hostile, she’s glum. As for this concert, I didn’t even think of her because I couldn’t envision her enjoying it.

@jca Don’t feel bad, and do not let her guilt trip you either. She sounds a lot like the woman I know at times. You are not responsible for coddling her mood swings and hostile lashing out.
Really, I would distance from her and if she asks I would just be straight up and tell her that you are finding it increasingly difficult to put up with her moods and behaviors and that while you wish her the best you feel it’s best to limit contact.

I am doing the same thing with the woman I know. I can only be around her in small doses on occasion as she is waaay too bossy, pushy, nosy and prone to aggressive and bitchy outbursts.

It’s obvious she needs your support. She feels alone and now you deepen this feeling.
Under such circumstances, I would be really upset and feel abandoned in her place. Friends are the first ones we wait for a help from.
She is hostile and glum because she is truly unhappy. And she doesn’t aim at hurting you, she is disappointed at life as a whole. I’m sure she hopes you as her friend will help her to cope with all this pain she bears.
Try to talk to your friend and explain how hard is to support her as she throws up roadblocks. Maybe, it will make her more polite and restrained as she would know you still care about her and it’s she who insulates herself.

You’re right, @sunshine111. She texted me incessantly on Saturday, complaining about how I didn’t include her, all she wants is someone to go to dinner, movies and have phone calls with (meanwhile I just saw her a week ago for dinner), it’s not ever me who initiates the dinners (like it makes a difference), and then she emailed another friend (one who went to the concert) complaining about the same. It really makes me not want to be with her. Someone who is demanding of my time and yet gets more of it than most other friends is not someone I want to be around.

@jca Stick to your guns girl! She emailed a mutual friend and complained/bitched about you, knowing it would, most likely get back to you too! She is childish, manipulative and controlling. Gah! I’d freaking email her and say ” Congratulations, you have successfully driven me away forever more.” ” I hope you enjoy wallowing in your misery because I’m climbing out of the mud hole, wallow away, I’ve cast my pearls before swine for the last time.” lol

Needing support is one thing, being childish, unreasonably demanding, controlling and manipulative is entirely another. Nope, deal breaker. friendship breaker.