Do you believe you can "teach" a man to be romantic or does it have to come naturally?

When many guys treat their ladies extra special nice many reciprocate in the “treating them like dirt fashion” Some are not naturally romantic but there are some who were and had it beaten out of them by an unappreciative partner. You’re not going to change the man in a positive way without positive feedback and a lot of it. Also you may have to spell out what your expectations are (I would need that) sadly this spoils the romance though. Why does it seem that one partner is always the giver and the other the receiver? I see this soo much, nice girl with asshole boyfriend, nice guy with bitchy girlfriend.

All the women I have met expected a man to guess what to do and he better guess right or get his head bit off.

Women always tell men “Just be yourself!” That means “Be perfect, and act like it comes naturally.”

Of course a man has to learn how to act. That’s what mothers are supposed to teach the boys.

Really enjoying the woman-hating in this thread so far….

As for the OP, I’m not sure – I think to a certain extent it can be learned, but definitely some men have more a natural inclination towards romance than others. One thing that can definitely be learned is what romance means to your specific partner. Someone (of any gender) can think they’re being romantic when really those actions aren’t interpreted as romance by the partner.

For example, I have an ex who seemed to think that sex is the only romantic thing in the world, when really I was much more touched by the expression of emotions through words. Our love languages didn’t match up and he didn’t take feedback well so we eventually split.

Yea, not bragging, but I’m pretty romantic and it was just kinda natural. When you love someone or are in love with someone, you automatically should want to make grandiose gestures for them.

People like to feel special and want to feel like they’re the only person in the world to their S/O.

But people can have bad upbringings or traumatic events which can make them not romantic anymore.

I think once people (m/f) are of an age to need to be romantic, it’‘s too late to learn. They either learn it through a role model early or they just are romantic by nature.

You can lead a horse to water, right? haha
First, the student must want to become more romantic and have the motivation. Without motivation nothing ever happens. If a partner wants more romance then the other partner either needs to find motivation in the reward of a renewed connection, or maybe, the motivation to avoid a divorce. lol

@Mariah what women hating?

@ARE_you_kidding_me “Women always tell men “Just be yourself!” That means “Be perfect, and act like it comes naturally.” As if he’s met every woman and every woman in the world says and does that?

As to the actual question: I think some people, whether or not they’re male or female, are more naturally inclined to be romantic. The reasons why are as numerous as the people in existence. You can “teach” someone to be more romantic by first clearly communicating to your partner the kind of things that you would/wouldn’t like. That’s where it starts. If communicated in an appropriate and mature manner, the person’s partner should be more than willing to listen and, if reasonable, accommodate. Most of us want to give our partners what they want in order to make them happy. If someone can’t accommodate, it boils down to being incompatible and/or having to find someone who can make you happy.

@DrasticDreamer Oh, well, I suppose it would help if I had read that. I’m not sure I would go as far as to call that hate, sounds like frustration on the authors part to me. I have known plenty of women that fit that mold but I know many more that are nothing like that so…

My wife certainly does not expect me to be perfect which is good since I’m not.

Easy to teach any man how to be romantic.

Just leave him for another man who is already romantic…

and flaunt it in his face how romantic the new guy is

I assure you, romance will be tops on his list for next girlfriend.

I think that a man can learn to think about romance more than he would naturally, but if he is not real romantic, he is not likely to change.

I find romance in the things he does think to do for me.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies…and I assure you he’ll say to himself “so, don’t think I’ll do that again” He’ll go find a woman who understands him and has tact and respect. There are plenty of those out there.

Sure someone can learn to be more romantic. My husband was always more romantic than me, but as I got older I became more sentimental and more romantic.

I think the trick is everyone defines romantic differently. I don’t think it’s so much being “romantic” but rather it’s wonderful when your partner knows what makes you happy and thinks of you. I don’t want flowers. Bring some girls flowers and they swoon, bring me flowers and that means you haven’t been paying attention to what I tell you. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought, but if you know me well, you know other things will show me love and thoughtfulness much better.

Too many people do for others what they want themselves, rather than doing what the other person will appreciate.

If your man is a willing disciple, he can “learn” to be romantic.
If he’s a drafted recruit, forget it.
If he’s not expressed a sincere desire to learn romance, your odds are long.

I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I had one of those Uber-romantic guys. Some of my guy friends practically worship the literal ground their wives walk on. That constant swooning nonsense would drive me bananas.

People should find a partner that meshes with them.

I have no use for Teddy bears and diamonds. Candles trigger his asthma.

My husband gives me gifts of broken furniture and dead animals and old Sci Fi novels. There’s an old man who puts his daughter through college by selling day-old flowers on the roadside. Sometimes he brings me home one. I have saved every flower he’s ever given me. That’s about as romantic as I get.

You could teach someone to be romantic but it would be like seeing a tiger in the zoo compared with meeting one in the jungle.

It’s natural. You could make a non-romantic buffoon better at being romantic, but it wouldn’t be natural.

Can we define romantic? Is randomly spending money on flowers that will be dead in two days romantic? I can set a Google Calendar alert for that.

@johnpowell Exactly. It all depends on the couple and their shared (or not) ideas of what is romantic. For instance, I can’t stand most upper scale restaurants. Totally not my cup of tea. Flowers? No thanks, unless you actually plant them. I’d rather not have poor dead things sitting in my house. Or buy me a potted plant, at least.

Does humping to the Benny Hill music count?

I dunno.

Can you teach a woman?

Romance can definitely be taught but the teacher should not be the woman. It needs to be another guy who can explain some basic ground rules. .Once you get it, you get it – and the rules stick with you for life.
It does not mean giving dead, allergen loaded flora, or sugar and fat loaded carb bombs, or bits of twisted metal body weights.
Romance is actions and acts of kindness. It is empathy on steroids with a touch of hormones added for flavor. It is knowing when to be top or topping from the bottom. It is making decisions. “I want to take you to this restaurant.” not “Where do you want to go?” It is knowing the menu before you get there. It is sitting at the table next to her so your legs are touching and no TV is in sight to distract you. It is the act of turning your phone off and never looking at it the entire evening.
It is being prepared, confident, competent, and capable without mentioning it.
It is steering the conversation, while letting her talk at least 60% of the time. It is remembering at least 30% of the details.
The list goes on.
Guys, Trust me. It is worth the effort. If, however, you find your efforts are not appreciated, end it quickly and move on. There are plenty of other wonderful women out there who will appreciate you more than you can imagine.

(Ladies, You’re welcome.)

^^GA.

My favorite is the part about taking her to a restaurant rather than asking her where she wants to go. Sometimes I want it to be my choice, but when my husband already has a plan to take me to a restaurant he knows I like or that he wants to show me, it makes me so happy. Same with going out in general. It’s mostly because I’m usually the one who has to decide and plan any outings of any sort. Restaurants, vacations, explore a new tourist attraction right where we live. Maybe it’s because I care more about exploring my world than he does, but for whatever reason, that’s how it rolls out.

Many women find “romance” in their husband doing an unexpected bit of help around the house. A chore that lightens the load for their wife. That is if the wife feels overloaded.

@JLeslie I find the experience to be far more romantic if I know her food ground rules up front and then make the decision for both of us. Often I will totally ignore my preferences and honor hers – saying nothing about the “sacrifice” I am making, of course. I just do it wit a smile.
The most important part of the meal is the person I am with, not the food.

I behave that way as a service to my date. Topping from the bottom.

@LuckyGuy I disagree about the food. I want to order what I want, and I want my husband to eat exactly what he wants.

Hubs drove out of his way to let me stop at Home Depot to hunt Pokemon this afternoon.

swoon!

So it seems the completely sexist nature of this question is going to be given a pass.

Whatever.

I find it amazing that a man can be so romantic and thoughtful in the dating, I-want-in-your-pants stage, but drops that act when Mission Accomplished. They know how to act, why don’t they keep it up?

The honest answer is because it is exhausting. Some guys can happily keep up but most can’t, especially when the goal posts keep moving. Many guys will give it their all and burn out quick. I think the key to being romantic is not really one sided. My wife has her subtle ways of keeping me in the know about what she wants without having to say a word. That’s why working on things slowly for the long-term is the best bet. Everyone likes that hot flame but it’s better for longer in the slow cooker.

I agree @ARE_you_kidding_me. But sometimes the switch is so extreme….It’s not fair.

Agreed, not fair at all especially when one party is being more than reasonable and the guy slid past home and is headed for the dugout, game over. It’s not fair when some women keep asking for more and more and… I never seem to get why so many people pair up that way. I know so many lopsided relationships.

BTW…I have to qualify, both my ex husband my my husband, Rick, are good men. I’m just thinking back to the high school / college days when they’d say and do anything. I’m watching one of my grand daughters trying to traverse that trap. She’s almost 13, and freaking beautiful. I just want to lock her away somewhere, and let her out in 10 years after she’s magically wisdom and knowledge.

@SecondHandStoke It was addressed by some of us. That’s precisely why I said “As to the actual question: I think some people, whether or not they’re male or female…”

@SecondHandStoke – my response referred to m/f. I think it’s the same q/a regardless of gender/gender identity.

@JLeslie If you like to order your own food then that would be one of the upfront ground rules and clearly understood ahead of time. Perfect.

@duchess III Darling, the answer is somewhat insulting, so please try to remember that I am giving you a technical explanation and you did in fact ask for it. It’s religious. The first concern God faced about His creation was “It is not good for the man to be alone.” He made a woman to take care of that problem. As any folk singer will tell you, it is hard as hell to find a woman who knows or cares how to take care of the lonely in a man. Many women will not give a man the companionship he needs, but they will give him sex. So a lot of men grow up thinking sex is all there is. That doesn’t work, and they don’t know what’s wrong, so they go looking for a new woman.

Well, there it is: the backstory for every broken hearted song ever.

@SmartAZ, Darling. I have been married twice, have 10 grand kids, and I certainly don’t need a lecture from you on how men think and what they want. It’s not like they’re mysterious or anything. I don’t give a shit if they’re “lonely.” That’s their problem to fix, not mine.

I said it was unfair and I wish I could protect my granddaughters from that landmine of deceit and lies some boys and men tell, and so convincingly, just to get sex.

Also, I am agnostic, as are the majority of the members here are (or atheist.) I will ignore any comment that suggests that some invisible, magic, MALE (WTF?) deity is in control of human suffering or triumph or condition, or anything at all. If there was such a boy-being who was in control, I’d say he’s an asshole.

I believe it’s not something you can teach a man but it’s possible to help him discover innate tenderness he hides deeply inside.
Some being very affectionate can mask it, unlike those who demonstrate their feelings openly. It all depends on a temper. And you can’t say these people are less sensitive. They are just different. In most cases, a person in love unintentionally strives to reveal endearment. But everyone chooses his or her own means to show it.

Why are they able to tap into that innate tenderness in the wooing stages of a relationship?