Why do people change once they come to America?

When you come to live somewhere for so long, and you have no intention to keep your culture’s value or can’t tell which aspect of the country to learn, that’s the result. It applies to all countries and not just America. It always disappoints me to see people coming back from other countries and can’t even speak their mother tongue anymore. It only takes them a change in residence to completely forget where they originally belong to. Don’t let those people get to you, they have lost their own identities.

In order to succeed in a new culture, one must adapt to certain things, one must do some assimilating. This does not mean one must give up their mother culture completely, but they must add to their cultural lives an understanding and tolerance of the new culture: the new language, a new way of doing certain things, sometimes even a shockingly different morality and a completely different way of thinkning.

One may feel that their home-culture had a better way of doing something, but in order to be heard by the new culture, one must first show an effort to assimilate. Just like as if you are a hotshot soccer player in a new neighborhood, you don’t just walk onto the field and take over—even if you are a better player than everyone else. You will find no sympathy or cooperation among your new teammates if you behave like this. You must first show respect for the new team by offering your skills where needed. They will test you. Once you find a slot on the team, do your best and you will gain respect and the others will eventually give you the ball and listen to your ideas.

This process is called assimilation. When meeting someone from backhome who is busily involved in the process of assimilation, it can be a shock. If they are succeeding, however, it is an opportunity for you to learn things. Emulate them if you want to succeed in the new culture. There is no reason why you have to give up your own culture in a free society—but you must adapt to the new environment. Your home is your castle. You reign and any culture you wish to pursue is the government you reign with in your castle. Outside, in the larger culture, is where you may have to make adjustments, but it is all a learning experience and a very valuable one. It makes for a much richer life.

Mos human beings like to fit in, so they adopt the customs of wherever they find themselves (“when in Rome, do as the Romans do”). And human beings also tend to make judgments about whole groups based on the small fraction they know (which is why your presence has changed some people’s assumptions about Africans). But what you might want to do is investigate your assumption that only your way of existing in the world is “proper.” If it works for you, that’s great. Keep on going. But why should your preferences determine how anyone else lives their life?

EDIT: 3rd paragraph above: Conversely, if these friends from the old country are not succeeding—such as those you describe in your question’s details, move away from them, steer clear of them, they are not helpful. Set your sights high, emulate the people you respect within the new culture. You will find that the moralities and expected behaviours of both our cultures have a lot in common.

I’m from France, and have lived in New York for 10 generally happy years (came back to Europe recently). To everything that has been said, and with which i agree, i would add that the American culture is strong, fun and pretty fascinating. With all the negativity attached to gun proliferation, the christian right, racism, puritanism, FAUX News, etc., comes also a huge amount of freedom and fun and smarts. It’s easy to get embroiled in it. The music scene is amazing. The TV series are the best in the world by far (GOT fan here), and even the food is getting better. And beside, people going to America tend to dream and look forward to the culture even before they emigrate there. It’s not just any culture.

Joe Dassin—himself born in Brooklyn—said it best in his cover of Yellow River :

L’Amérique, l’Amérique—America America
Je veux l’avoir et je l’aurai—I want her and will have her
L’Amérique, l’Amérique—America America
Si c’est un rêve, je le saurai —If it’s a dream, I have to know
Tous les sifflets des trains, toutes les sirènes de bateaux—All the triains’ whistles, all the ships’ horns
M’ont chanté cent fois la chanson de l’Eldorado—Have chanted for me the songs of Eldorado
De l’Amérique—Of America
L’Amérique, l’Amérique—America, America
Si c’est un rêve, je rêverai—If it’s a dream, then I will dream.

@olivier5 I think the best thing about American culture is the freedom to live and be how you want, which can include not going along with the parts one does not like. It works best when conscious and creative people create new positive culture, and refuse to parrot negative “culture”. There is a lot of negative and dysfunctional nonsense here to not parrot, to re-invent, and to replace with better stuff.

I think they’re trying to be with the group and moulded themselves in that fashion. If you don’t want to then be that way.. but it’ll definitely create some kind of barrier between you and your friends. So you should be able to live with it. Anyways you’ll definitely meet some new people who will be like you and like your company too. You can’t stick around with same set of people ( except your family) right? So just move on and start finding new friends.

It saddens me to think that well education, polite young men would come here and choose to emulate the worst and rudest of our society.
As to why they do that….I guess they don’t know that that is not the thing to do, if they really want to succeed.

I feel that I should point out, that people who act and dress that way aren’t necessarily bad people. We are fighting to have the police change the way they percieve these types of young men. It’s sad to me that one of their own sees them in a negative manor. I can understand that it’s not ‘your style ’ , but try not to be too judgemental. As mentioned above in some posts , cultural assimilation is a normal human behavior.

I live in the American south. People who live here long enough will pick up at least some of our vocabulary, like aint. Some even develop a slight southern twang.
Enjoy your roots StrongH3art. But don’t forget that your friends are following a different path of their own free will, or subconscious adaptation.

Sorry for the late response everyone. Thank you all for taking your time to answer my question. I loved your feedback and all of you have changed the way I view things. Thank you. Peace and Love.

@Mimishu1995 Well said, I completely agree with you. One thing I was told when I left my home country was to never forget my native tongue. When I went back last year after 22 yrs they were shocked I could speak and understand it perfectly. Thank you.

@Espiritus_Corvus That was a really good response, I agree with what you said. You definitely have to adapt to your new environment but you can’t lose yourself in that process. I try to take the good out of my new environment. I’ve been living here for about 22 yrs now, and I have been able to fit in and stay true to myself at the same time. Thank you

@Irukandji I agree with what you said. However the individuals I am referring to often get themselves involved with illegal activities which most people in society would deem not proper. They forget the way they were raised up to be. They would rather take short cuts in life which often lead to bad things. Not saying only my way is proper, I am just saying people should not lose themselves just to fit in with the crowd. Thank you

@olivier5 Agreed, America is an amazing place to live in and visit. It’s a place I feel everyone should experience. Thank you.

@Zaku Agreed. Yes, America allows people to live freely. Just wish people would use that freedom to do something positive and not things that would harm themselves or others around them. Thank you.

@imrainmaker Yeah, I always try to steer away from those type of people. I try and surround myself with positive people. Thank you.

@Dutchess_III Agreed, I guess most of the time they feel is the easiest way to adapt or fit in into their surroundings. I am often criticized for the way I act, but it does not bother me. As long as I stay true to myself I am fine. Thank you.

@MrGrimm888 Agreed, not everyone that dresses that way is bad. I know people who dress in that manner that are really decent people. I pick up a few things here and there from my environment however I try to stay true to myself at the same time. I guess the point I was trying to get across is people often change who they are just to fit in with the crowd. I feel that is the problem with society these days. Many people are afraid to be themselves. Thank you