@chelle21689 I don’t think he is cheating, I think your ex was.
He is a liar in that passive aggressive way of too often saying he is doing something, or going to do something, and he doesn’t do it.
“I’m on my way.” The fuck he is. He is on his way, it takes 30 minutes to get home, and an hour later he isn’t home and he didn’t call to say he got detoured. Is that right? And it happens constantly? My husband would say, “I’m heading back, but I might stop at X, if I’m not home by 4:00 I’ll call.” He would pad in time thinking about the stop he might make. If he’s early that’s great.
Also, if he perceives you as being controlling of his time he might be being passive aggressive, which is ironic regarding what is said above. He doesn’t want to have to answer to you maybe, and he thinks you shouldn’t be so uptight about it, and so he doesn’t respect you enough to simply say, “I won’t be home until X” (some late hour) and not play this game. He knows you prefer he come home early. He does care about your happiness. So, he tells you the earlier time either to make you happy or shut you up. Let’s think positively and go with the former. But, if he is doing that to please you, but constantly doesn’t follow through that’s either being immature, irresponsible, or it’s a lie. I call it a lie, but that’s my terminology after dealing with cultures with men who look at lies very differently than how I was raised. Anyone on this thread who has never dealt with lying, cheating, macho, selfish men would have no real idea what that is like. It’s almost impossible to know without experiencing it.
Now, your guy might not be that extreme of the macho, lying, cheater. I believe you that he is not, but he has these little things about him, like his inability to give you a reasonable estimate of time, how he sometimes treats in regards to his family, as far as I know he hasn’t asked you to marry him (maybe you don’t want to be engaged either, and that would be a different story altogether) and I just worry a little. After saying all of that, this might just be a little blip, and overall he might be a great guy. Of course here, we tend to ask questions about things we are concerned about, and it gives a one sided view, not the full picture, so I hesitate to say anything too negative, while on other Q’s to other jellies I have said to drop an SO like a hot potato.
Constantly not giving a reasonable time frame is a function of either culture, passive aggressive activity, or something fun comes a long and the person doesn’t care about anything else.
Here’s the thing. It seems to me two things are going on. You feel he should not be out past a certain time, and he can’t give you an accurate time he will be home. If he tells you, “I won’t be home until 6am,” then is it ok? If he gets the time right will it be ok? If not, then how will you both be happy on this topic? You will be controlling his time if he doesn’t do what he wants to do to please you. He doesn’t want to fight with you as he walks out the door, or even during his fun, he lets the fight happen afterwards.