What type of boundaries do you have in your relationship?

The most boundaries, currently, are in the shape of map boundaries. He lives 7,853 km away.

As for when we are together, my BBE is very polite and nice and has excellent manners. He puts me to shame, I think. I think the only thing that sort of crosses the line sometimes is I feel he is too generous sometimes. I’m almost afraid to mention I’m thinking I need something because suddenly, he is sending it in the mail, or he comes with it his next visit. He spoils me (us.. both me and my son) so sometimes that feels awkward for me.

You should tell the boyfriend about rifling through your purse, but the reason I meddlle in your affairs is because I’m hoping you will ask him how he acquired so peculiar a habit, then tell us. When we were kids, my aunt had a habit of sending my cousin to fetch things from her purse, and if he wasn’t within earshot, she would enlist me or one of my siblings to the task without batting an eye. The requests were endless because they were usually about fetching the pack of cigarettes. Both her & my mom (her sister) smoked like fiends.

Simple, don’t touch my stuff *.

* 95% is our stuff, so really, we’re very little stuff is my stuff.

Hubby’s more finicky about not going into my handbag than I am. I think he honestly thinks I have something to hide. I don’t. He can be all the paranoid he wants to. Whatever. I’ve jut got a wallet and maybe some lip gloss in there, and some old grocery receipts.

If I ever ask him for something, he kind of picks my purse off the hook with one finger and flings it at me.

Weirdo.

That’s why I find the question so fascinating. Most men are reluctant to peer into a woman’s purse, and I believe it’s due to the powerful fear inducing ju-ju of viewing some artifact associated with feminine hygiene.

Oh please. Tampons go in the zipper pouch, all by themselves.

How would a man know such a thing?

I didn’t like my ex-wife opening my mail. It felt intrusive to me and I wasn’t comfortable with it at all. Another bugbear was that she would regularly get up and bang and crash her way around the house in the middle of the night when she couldn’t sleep ensuring that I too got a lousy night’s rest. I might add that she was a hoarder and her personal junk was everywhere even crammed into my room. I could go on but I must draw the curtains across that episode in my life.

I don’t really mind if my husband goes in my bag looking for my phone or something, I’d be a bit upset if I thought he was just snooping though.

Similarly, we don’t read each other’s mail (digital or snail mail).

I wouldn’t take money from his wallet and he wouldn’t take cash from my purse without asking.

We use each other’s phones (mostly me using his), but we don’t snoop.

Other than that, we just try to treat each other respectfully. I don’t assume he’s available to go places I want to go. I don’t make plans for him without checking first. If he’s waiting for me, I try to hurry up and not keep him waiting.

I’m a weirdo about my home workspace and my computer. I know it and try to stay polite when the invaders I love most cross the borders of my tiny kingdoms.

Part of the workspace aversion is practical; my notes are out and they really don’t need any 3-year-old family portraits on them, I have reminders here and there that I don’t want to disappear, and occasionally I’ll have a gift or something stashed in a drawer. But 95% of the time there’s really nothing to hide or that I don’t want people to see. I think it’s just that it is really the only 30 square feet that are exclusively mine in the house. Just give me this nook of the universe, please. It’s silly.

The computer is similar but I think more understandable. I need it every day and usually have multiple projects open in some way. One too many well intentioned “I shut your laptop down and put it back on your desk” moments have just taught me the value of a community machine that isn’t my livelihood.

Other than those two, everything is up for grabs.

@stanleybmanly I did ask him again after posting this question and it led to an interesting discussion. He was brought up that way, in many ways this has been his challenge in putting up his own boundaries, including emotional boundaries.