Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
ON YOUR KNEEEEEEEZ, BROTHAHS AND SISTAHS!
I GOT YO’ GREEN JERUZALEM PRAYAH CLOTHS! JUST SEND ONE DOLLAH TO REVEREND JIMMY, JUST ONE DOLLAH! JUST ONE DOLLAH FOR THIS HOLY SCRAP OF GREEN PRAYER CLOTH I HAVE TAKEN TO THE WAILIN’ WALL IN JERUSALEM WHERE IT WAS BLESSED, I TELL YA, IN JERUSALEM WHERE IT WAS BLESSED IN THE NAME OF THE LODE!!! SAY THANK YOU JEEZUZ, THANK YOU JEEZUZ!!! —- OH, GREAT GOD ALMAHTEE, THANK YOOOO JEEEEEEZUZ!
THEY ARE GOIN’ FAST! GOIN’ FAST! GOIN’ FAST!!!—SO GIT YOSE NOW!! SISTAH EUNICE IS MANNIN’ THE PHONES!! CALL NOW AND GIT YO’ PRAYAH CLOTH OF JEEZUZ FO’ JUS’ ONE DOLLAH—ONLY ONE DOLLAH!
ARE YA HAVIN’ TROUBLE PAYIN’ THE RENT? IS BOBBY JOE IN TROUBLE WITH SATAN AND DRUGS? OR DO YA JUST WANNA CADILLAC LIKE MINE? JESUS WILL PROVIDE—ALL YA GOTTA DO IS BELIEVE, BROTHAHS AND SISTAHS—AND SEND YO’ DOLLAHS TAH JIMMY FO’ THE LODE! ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS BELIEVE AND THIS PRAYAH CLOTH WILL GIT YOU THAT CADILLAC! IT WILL PAY FO’ THE BOBBY JOE’S REHAB! IT WILL PAY THE RENT FO’ EVAH! IT WILL ALL BE YOSE!!! I’M TELLIN’ YA, THAT GOLDEN CADDY OF THE LODE WILL BE YOSE!! ALL YA GOTTA DO IS SEND BROTHAH JIMMY YO DOLLAHS!!!
NOW JOIN ME AND SISTAH EUNICE IN REJOICIN’ IN THE LODE!!
[* Ahem *] If ya’ll will tun tah pay-age two hunnid and twel-yev of yo’ hymn books:
Drop Kick Me, Jesus!
Drop kick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life!
End over end, neither left no’ to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life!
Make me, oh make me, Lord more than I am
Make me a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptations below
I’ve got the will, Lord if you’ve got the toe
Bring on the brothers who’ve gone on befo’
And all of the sisters who’ve knocked on yo’ door
All the departed dear loved ones of mine
Stick them up front in the offensive line!
Oh, drop kick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life!
SEND YO’ DOLLAHS TAH REV’RUN JIMMIE! NOW ALTOGETHAH NOW: THANK YOU JEEZUZ!!!