Ever lived very close to your inlaws and what issues if any did you encounter?

I can only imagine what an invasive nightmare that would be. No fucking way.

All of my mother’s sisters lived within sight of their mother. By the time she died, pretty much nobody was speaking to anyone else. It was awful.

One aunt lived in what was in effect my grandmother’s backyard – the property had been split in half. In the early happy days, there was a much-used gate between the yards. By the end, I believe it was padlocked from both sides.

Family can be too close.

My mother was smart and moved to another continent.

For most of my relationship with my wife, we’ve lived pretty close to her mother, within about 15 minutes or less. My parents are 2000 miles away.

It’s ok. I have trouble understanding her motivations, but I think she’s mostly just curious and plays off snooping as “just wandering” pretty poorly. So we try to set clear boundaries and usually that works. She’s nice enough, and has some really admirable traits, but is very earnest and wants to know what’s going on in everyone’s lives. So she has her own little tricks.

She used to just show up at strange times, but that was a long time ago. She also used to just walk in the house “in case someone was sleeping”, and didn’t stop when my wife asked her to knock, so I just started hanging out in my boxers before she’d come over and that fixed it. Usually we don’t have to get passive aggressive though.

Parts of having her close are also good. She loves her family more than anything and I don’t think you can have too many people that really care. She’s been awesome with jumping in to take care of our kids when things come up and is genuinely interested in all the little milestones they go through.

I think most of the problems for people come in when there’s a feeling of being owed something, or a battle for who is more important. She’s always surprised when we do even little things for her, and I think those little things keep everything a couple steps above civil.

When I was married, we lived 11 miles (15 minutes) from my parents. We lived about eight miles in the other direction from my in-laws.

It only hot “bad” about once a month when they would demand visits. That happened more when the kids were born. My father in law died a week before my son was born, and my mother in law transferred her codependent focus onto my son.

I felt we lived far enough away. Plus early in our marriage we set boundaries of no unannounced drop ins.z

@BellaB, pretty much how I would have expected things to turn out after so many years! I guess there were times when your poor mom felt isolated and far from family but absence often makes the heart grow fonder. Phew, and in your case they were sisters, imagine how strangers must feel living so close. Funny thing is one doesn’t even have to argue on a daily basis to ensure that an icy atmosphere is always present!

@funkdaddy a fifteen minute distance could be ideal for both sides as one can be there for the other in times of need. It’s when things get too close and privacy no longer exists that life becomes unbearable. Strange thing is WOMEN are usually involved in such issues. I have never heard of father-in-laws being the pushy, curious or strange ones. Women, always women!

@zenvelo, good if boudaries are respected, in many cases you have the mother(on either side) wondering why her child would even dream of setting boundaries! I mean is mom not entitled 24 hour access to her married child’s home? :)

@ZEPHYRA nope, and none of the grandparents had a key!

Nope, but my daughter and my S-I-L live about an hour away. Our visits average about every 6 weeks or so and it’s usually planned way in advance since they both have very busy work schedules and only have the weekends to actually spend together alone or socialize.

I think this works out better. There are no sudden visits because they are in the neighborhood. I mean, I would love to see more of them, but sometimes I have plans with my hubby or I just want to sit back and watch a movie or do something alone that would be a problem to do with company around.

@Pandora but you DO both keep in touch on the phone, right? I agree, perhaps every 3 weeks would be better, but I guess they are consumed by work, kids etc.

@ZEPHYRA Yeah, my daughter calls me at least once a week and she also communicates with me usually daily on facebook. So much so that, at times we have nothing much to communicate new when we do meet. They have no kids yet but they have two dogs. One is a basket case and the other, until recently was always going to the vet for stomach problems. Oh, and my S-I-L is working full time and taking on line courses. So there are times on the weekend when he is very busy catching up with school work.

Have you seen the show “Everybody loves Raymond”? He lives on Long Island across the street from his parents. Hilarity ensues.
It’s on Netflix .

@LuckyGuy my mother in law is just like raymonds mother lol. I have made that comparison with her many times. They live 10 min away.

@ARE_you_kidding_me Did you ever give her a gift of Fruit of the Month ?

IMO this is one of the funniest skits in the whole show. In 3 minutes it showcases the family dynamics and each persons’ personality. Very well done.

@LuckyGuy yes! ” It’s a club? ” The mother yells out in horror upon hearing Fruit of the Month Club!

@ZEPHYRA , 99% of the time my mother was happy to be detached from the family. She didn’t like being part of the family politics/dynamics. Preferred to not even hear about it.

My parents didn’t tell family the real dates of their trips to Europe after one situation where a sister and brother-in-law thought they’d join in on part of their pre-family-visit travels. My parents liked their time alone as a couple and did not appreciate the company. On one trip, they were in Vienna for a full month before they let anyone know they were on the continent.

My parents live 10 min away and are not pushy/intrusive at all. We have to reach out to them to see them. My mother in law though… she is a drama queen with empty nest syndrome. Whatever it takes to get her the attention she needs she will do it. She still makes us have birthday parties like we are 12 just so we all will come over and visit. If she does not get her fix every week or so we know the drama is on its way.

@ARE_you_kidding_me, poor soul must be lonely and miserable but that is certainly NOT the way to win you over, on the contrary.

Sigh. No she’s not lonely, she’s super controlling and un-medicated bipolar. The immediate family grew up with her that way so it seems normal. The four of us that married into the family all agree: bipolar. It’s a type of controlling behavior that is insidious, overwhelmed by niceness and generosity but guilt trips and drama when it’s refused. Usually it’s given in a way you can’t say no like “Your wife told us you like to go to such and such, we bought all of us non refundable tickets to go this weekend.” Fuck, I had other things I needed to get done.

@ARE_you_kidding_me: Someone like that, when the day comes that you say “I can’t go, I have this other event I’m going to” and she can’t get her money back, she’ll learn not to do it again.

@jca Yes, I know in theory that works but it does not take into consideration the fallout which is considerable, like measured in megatons. Avoidance it better here, we just make sure weekends we don’t want messed with are filled and make it known well in advance. sometimes we mess up and get invaded.