Gay flutherites. Are you ever attracted to the opposite sex?

I’m not gay, but if you’re attracted to both sexes, that is bisexualism, not homosexuality.

My roommate I mentioned identified as homosexual…

There is an ex-wisdm member who has always identified as a lesbian, not bi. But she recently entered into a relationship with a male and seems deliriously happy.

@MrGrimm888. He can identify as a potato for all I care. It still wouldn’t change his bisexual behavior. I’m sure you already know that an action defines you, not your words.

Indeed. Just saying that there are people like that. Nothing more.

@merkin A one-off attraction would not be enough to qualify one as bisexual. This is especially true if actions are what defines us because sexual orientation is a pattern of attraction and cannot be decided on the basis of a single data point.

Furthermore, sexuality is a spectrum (see, for instance, the Kinsey scale). Not everyone is exclusively heterosexual, exclusively homosexual, or perfectly bisexual without slight preferences in one direction or another. Those who don’t fit into those three categories may choose to identify with the one they feel is most accurate.

Finally, the question isn’t about @MrGrimm888‘s roommate. It’s a question aimed at jellies who self-identify as gay. So whatever we might think about the roommate’s self-identification, it doesn’t really have any bearing on the question.

^correct. Not about my roommate. And we’ll said as always @SaviorFaire. I was just looking for perspective.

@SavoirFaire Hmm… the phrase “gay with an exception” gets a lot of people hot under the collar these days – as does “bisexual erasure”. I have no idea why there is such a stigma attached attached to bisexuality, but it seems some people will bend themselves in knots to avoid the label.

I just noticed that there seemed to be a fair amount of gay flutherites. I don’t really have any gay friend’s brains to pick. Actually my current roommate is also gay, but she is not a person I have a close relationship with yet….

I think this would probably be better if this question were phrased something like “did you ever think you were a Kinsey Scale/Klein Continuum 6 but actually turned out to be more like a 5?”

Put an end to people jumping to “oh, that makes you bi!” No, no it doesn’t.

Why does EVERYTHING have to be quantified? I learned in an earlier thread I asked about atheists that atheists like to consider themselves ‘certain types ’ of atheists. I think I’ve stumbled upon my ignorance here again. There were different types of atheists. I should have assumed there would be fracture in sexuality as well….

You have to ask exact questions for the opening questions.

Apparently I should have asked If you consider yourself attracted to the same sex, have you ever been attracted to a person of the opposite sex with great appeal? I work close to a beach. I see women sometimes in bikinis and think ‘There must be some men who are gay who would even find her attractive. ’ Or wow, that girl has girls looking at her and saying she’s hot.

I know how people in my region are. Sexuality seems very elastic. I was interested in what flutherites around the world would say.

I know so many same-sex couples where at least one of the parties were previously in a serious relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I do think sexuality can be elastic. I’d tell you I’m straight, but I’m certain that if I met the right person of the same sex I could find them attractive. As @SavoirFaire wrote, there is a spectrum. I don’t know if anyone has done any research, but I suspect our place on that spectrum can be subject to change.

Paul Ryan makes me question my sexual orientation.

@dappled_leaves Everything gets someone hot under the collar. I really can’t get worked up about it unless I have reason to think their objection is justified. If someone has been exclusively homosexual their entire life and then sees one person of the opposite sex who pings on their attraction radar, I’m not going to immediately reclassify them as bisexual if the experience doesn’t make them reclassify themselves that way.

Dan Savage sometimes tells the story of the lesbian firefighter who pinged on his radar once upon a time. Granted, he says she was rather mannish. But she was definitely a woman. Should I now doubt his self-identification as gay because of a single attraction that never led to anything?

As for bisexual erasure, the problem arises when people try to hide the existence of bisexuality (such as by denying it exists or by forcing bisexuals into other categories). But if the person you aren’t calling bisexual isn’t bisexual, then it can hardly be bisexual erasure. Nothing about “this person isn’t bisexual” entails “nobody is bisexual” or “bisexuality isn’t real,” so it only counts as bisexual erasure if the person is actually bisexual (or at least identifies that way).

As for the stigma, I also have no idea why it exists. Though I do understand why it causes some bisexuals to be hesitant to come out, despite that being one of the most useful things they can do to fight the stigma.

@Earthbound_Misfit in psychology, that spectrum is referred to either the Kinsey Scale or Klein Continuum. They both range from 0 to 6 with 0 being completely heterosexual, 6 being completely homosexual, and 3 being more or less perfectly bisexual. Psychologists admit the scale nor continuum are perfect and we’ll probably see a more graph like function and measure of sexuality in the next 5 years or so with something like the X axis measuring sexual preference and the y axis measuring sexual desires/interest to compensate for individuals who identify as asexual. And that will definitely still need further work.

@Winter_Pariah, yes I know about spectrum and particularly the Kinsey Scale. My question was whether any research has been done as to whether and to what extent the place we sit on the scale is subject to change. I suspect as we age our position on the spectrum may be more fluid. It really was more of a musing than a question I can be bothered researching.

Ah yes, forgot about that, but to answer that, the Klein Continuum was created with fluid sexuality in mind. Although they did find that adults by the age of 25 (I may be off here, it’s been a few years) who identify strongly as either homosexual or heterosexual are far more “rigid” than anyone falling between 2–5 on the Continuum. However, everyone is equally as likely to become asexual.

Thank you @Winter_Pariah. I’ll look for some reading (just out of curiosity).

I am a straight woman. I have no desire to have sex with women. But most of you know, I find at least a couple of women extremely sexy, which is a slightly different phenomenon. You all probably already know who they are.

For those of you who don’t, let me share

Her and Her

@Kardamom. I feel that fits in the thread. And it’s kind of what I was talking about.

Well,of course we recognize sexy and beautiful when we see it @Kardamom. Doesn’t make me want to jump in bed with her.

@MrGrimm888 what does this mean, regarding your room mate: ”…but she is not a person I have a close relationship with yet….”

^I have several roommates. I just haven’t had the time to get to know her because we work opposite schedules. So I don’t know her comfort level when speaking about personal things.

I think sexuality can be very fluid and can absolutely shift over the course of one’s life. As for myself personally, I identify as heterosexual, but I have felt sexual attraction to other men before. It’s never led anywhere, but I don’t rule out the possibility. I suppose I’d peg myself at around a 2 on Kinsey’s scale.

@Darth_Algar ”I suppose I’d peg myself at around a 2 on Kinsey’s scale.”

Phrasing!

Nope. I can find women good looking or cute but not sexually attractive. At least, I never have before.