Would you put your own life on hold because of your elderly parents?
There are elderly parents and then there are sick and frail elderly parents.
The question I ask to clarify is this. If your parents lived in a particular town and you really needed to move, say for reasons of work or because you wanted to live further south, north, east or west, would you not move because your elderly, but healthy parents might need you?
Or, if they are ill and frail, how would you deal with the situation above?
I’m really curious as to how people see their elderly parents and their needs when it comes to aging.
People are living longer, so there is perhaps other family members needs to consider. Perhaps because of this your spouse or children’s needs come second? Would this be a reasonable request to ask of a spouse? Or, your kids for that matter? Perhaps too, you have a real life dilemma or have had in the past. Would you care to share?
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I took care of my mom for years. And still don’t think I did enough. It’s up to each individual as to what they think they need to do for their parents. There is no “one parent fits all” plan. You have to do what is right for your family.
In a heartbeat. They put their life on hold to look after me past adult age.
I was lucky (not the right word) because my parents died when they were fairly young. My mother was in her 40s, my father in his early 60s. I had also moved countries before my dad died. So I was never put in the position of having to make this decision. However, had they lived longer, and had i been in the same country, I would have made sacrifices to ensure they were taken care of. Our parents don’t give us a choice to be here, but they often make many sacrifices to ensure we have a good life as children. I feel reciprocating is the right thing to do.
Interestingly, while I would have made sacrifices myself for my parents, I don’t want my children to have to do that for me. I am very aware that one of my children is probably going to have to take on the lion’s share of caring for my husband and/or I when we become older. It isn’t fair. I don’t really want them to be put in that position. However, I doubt there will be much of a choice. Until one or both of us reach the point where we really need around the clock attention, I’d say financial pressures will mean we will need our children to help out.
Doing in now for Mom as her POA. Just put her in a full-scale nursing home and the money just ran out so am trying to secure Medicaid.
@kritiper I wish you the best. Our family has been through the exact same thing.
Yes. And did. No regrets. They were good people and it was a duty and a pleasure.
The oversimplified answer is yes. It would depend on the situation exactly what I would do to help them. I don’t know if I would move or move them. I would care for them, visit, or maybe have them live with me.
Yes, it has to be done and somehow planned, managed and carried out.
Yes. I would do what I had to do. It obviously wouldn’t be a situation that would last forever.
I wish I had the chance to do that.
I quit a job, gave up a super awesome apartment, and moved half a world away for 9 months to help my mother. She didn’t ask. An older sister did.
I uprooted my family and moved 2000 miles to help out aging parents. I did it for 8 years until my Dad passed. My mother then alienated me to the point that I stopped bothering. I have two sibs, my mother is very wealthy, it’s someone else’s turn.
There is a story about three baby birds and a father helping them cross a ledge in a storm. The first bird gets halfway with the father and the father asks ” In my old age will you care for me?” the baby bird says “Yes my papa.” and a gust of wind hits them and the father lets go and the baby bird dies on the ledge. The same happens with the second bird and the bird answers the same way and the second bird dies on the ledge . The third and final bird is asked “will you take care of me in my old age?” the bird says “No! my papa I will be caring for my own babies like you are doing for me now”, just as a strong gust of wind strikes the pair, and the father bird grasps tightly to the baby bird more than he has for the other two birds and the baby bird survives. It is a story in the National Film Board of Canada, if you can find it and share the link please do. It took me 20 minutes and three rewrites to write this it kept deleting on me.
^^I’ve been looking, but without success so far. It’s a tough one. In the meantime, would you mind telling me what the moral of that story is? I’m not getting it.
@Espiritus_Corvus That the purpose of life is to be a stepping stone for the next generation.
My mother’s already dead and when my father goes I expect it’ll be rather sudden instead of a long, slow decline into old age, illness and frailty.
I would, and I already have. Five years ago, my mom became gravely ill, and she became the focus of my life. I even took a job, in addition to my self-employment, to help cover her expenses.
None of what I say is a complaint. I haven’t had a single moment of regret. This is the first truly selfless thing I’ve ever done, and it’s a privilege. As bonus, my mother is my joy.
Not for my folks because my father died at 62 and my mother chose not to be in my life, but…
My wife and I have been doing just that for years for her parents. Now just her mother as her father died two years ago. We handle almost everything in their life. Financial, medical, house-related — you name it. I’ve spent hundreds of hours in hospitals with them over the years.
I have reserved a treehouse in a tall oak tree on the west wing situated in a shaded corner of the garden, mummy will have specialised staff (minimum wage) to attend her every whim
She alone will decide when the day comes she feels it necessary…i’m the son that keeps on giving
I would help my parents get well.
Well, sometimes it’s just to help them until they pass, @YoungAndBeautiful. Somethings you can’t get well from.
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