When it comes to dating, some people say "Keep putting yourself out there", and others say "Stop trying so hard, it will happen naturally".....Which one is true?

You won’t like my answer: both are true.

One has to be active and putting oneself in a position to meet people, be it in a church group, a singles meet-up, a hiking club, or online dating. That is how you meet potential partners, not staying at home reading a book and hanging on Fluther.

Yet at the same time, one cannot be trying so hard that one projects any kind of desperation. I had a friend who so wanted to be married that his typical first date conversation opener was about how many kids he wanted. Women would run from him as fast as they could. So, when one goes on a date, don’t try so hard. The whole purpose of a first date is to see if you would enjoy a second date.

Like @zenvelo said, both are true. You have to keep yourself available but you can’t try too hard. Just be yourself.
My motto was, “If it’s gonna happen, it’ll happen. If it don’t, it don’t.” If you assume that you can only be with another to be happy, you might just set yourself up for a major disappointment. Get used to the idea that it might not happen.

What @zenvelo said. Get out there, meet people.

What @kritiper said. Don’t try too hard. Be prepared for dating someone who is bad or even pleasant enough but still not for you.

You’ll do well. There are many ways to succeed in life.

Fire up the pitchforks.

I would say “Keep putting yourself out there” applies to females. And “Stop trying so hard, it will happen naturally” applies to males.

@zenvelo is of course correct, but you certainly know this already. The only thing I’ve noticed is that those geared to “try too hard” rarely bother to ask questions or seek advice, and they have no time to waste hanging out here.

Different answers reflect different people’s experiences. There’s no reason to think it would be the same for everybody when none of the other factors—age, sex, culture, personality, etc.—are the same.

In my case I think I ought to have made more of an effort to choose instead of waiting to be chosen. But that’s how young women were raised then. It would be another game entirely to be in the dating phase now.

Yeah. I think it’s both.

I’m talking to a girl currently, who is probably out of my class. She’s beautiful and has a kind of rich family. I waited a LONG time to ask her out. When she said yes, I had to do a mental pull back to stop from being too excited. I’ve been trying to find that delicate ’ balance ’ between trying to seem interested, but not infatuated. It’s just plain difficult. We haven’t gotten to the point where I can just say what’s on my mind. We may never…. Hopefully she starts to like me more and we fall in love and live happily ever after. But that’s not always the case. In fact, dating usually has more failure than success. But with each date I become more familiar with interacting with females, and increasing my own confidence.

Dating can be a numbers game. I know a guy that tries to have sex with every girl he’s ever met. Mostly he’s thought of as a creep. But he understands that it’s a probability thing.If he asks enough girls, eventually, one says yes. He had sex with a girl who called the wrong number once.

Each person needs their own style.

Keep hope alive.

Get out there, and stop trying so hard :)

Yep, @zenvelo nails it. Your dream person isn’t going to parachute out of the sky and land in your back yard one day, so “putting yourself out there” means just that, get out and engage in fun and interesting social events but don’t look at everything you do as some sort of potential relationship wrangling situation.

GAs from respondents above.. just to add to that don’t blame yourself for not having a bf if all your friends are having one except you. It’s ok not to have one until you meet someone whose company you can enjoy. Peer pressure is the top most contributing factor for this anxiety. Just keep trying and wait for the right moment to happen..and it will happen eventually!

Both:

“Keep putting yourself out there naturally” is the proper advice.

@johnpowell is wrong.

It’s Two Thousand Fucking Sixteen.

Different methods for different genders is a hopelessly outdated concept.

Join us, we the Young Moderns.

Sorry, I didn’t read the answers above, because I have a definite opinion here.
Both.
#1.) Stop trying so hard
#2.) Put your real self out there. Notice I didn’t say “Keep putting”. If you’re feeling blah, ignore the posts.
The more true to yourself you are in posting, the better your chance of finding someone to share your life.

Finding a successful relationship shouldn’t be a task.
A quest, perhaps?

You can listen to all the advice you want, but it’s up to you to realize your limits.

If “Keep putting yourself out there ” means keep prowling, then no.

But if it means keep busy in an activity or hobby that interests you, then yes.

In the the of enjoying an interesting hobby, or sport or whatever, you meet
another with the same interests , then one has something in common with
each other..a good starting point.

And IF one does not pair up while in an interesting hobby,or sports or
theater etc , then one has a good time anyways and less anxiety in the
process as the emphasis is on your interests not on getting someone to notice you.