Would you tell your husband/wife about an affair?

Oh, well. I don’t think I would do that. But if I did, I don’t think I would tell him. Why would I?

I wouldn’t cheat on Mrs Squeeky for anything or anyone, but to answer your question while it would kill me on the inside ,I would rather it kill me slowly than cause her any grief or pain.
So no I wouldn’t tell her.

You need to look and compare the pluses and the minuses.

if you were going to admit anything, you shouldn’t have waited four years. The waiting (the hiding) is even worse than the actual act, because it means that you hid something from the spouse for that amount of time.

What’s the advantage to admitting it now? How will this benefit either you or the spouse? I can’t see any positive at all.

I hope I never have to make this decision.

However, if I cheated four years ago and didn’t own up then, why would I ruin his happiness now and tell him what I did back then? What has happened to make me feel he needs to know now? If it’s just I feel guilty, I’d give myself a strong talking to and remind myself it’s my guilt and I’ll just have to live with it. Telling him to resolve my feeings of guilt seems utterly selfish.

If something else has happened that necessitates me telling him, then I’d weigh up the pros and cons and make a decision based on what is best for him (not me).

I’ve never been married, but I don’t see the point of revealing the affair to the spouse if it’s just going to cause pain – pain which is unnecessary since there’s really no need to confess.

If you are at a point where an affair is ‘necessary,’ you don’t deserve your spouse, or you should already be separated.
Cheating while in a relationship is one of the lowest things someone can do.

Trust is the framework of any relationship. Without it, there is only a lie.

Cheaters are cowards. Many do it in hopes of getting caught, or out or spite.

If I went out of state to visit a past lover, I should just stay out of state. Telling them about it 4 years later only pours salt in the wound, and adds insult to injury.

I think cheating is like a form of rape.

Cheat away… But you are the worst type of pathetic scum.
Have the sand to leave the person who cares about you,or at least converse about your issues before you step out.

Hopefully cheaters these days get STDs. Or worse.

Those of you who would keep this secret are SACKS OF PATHETIC SHIT, who don’t deserve their SO, or any partner at all.

If you think otherwise, you really are pathetic. Break up, or kill yourself. You’re wasting my oxygen, and that of other decent human beings, of which there are few.

I have Always wondered why, if one spouce, partner, etc., screws up with an affair, what is there to gain by “coming clean”? I think it is sometimes an incredibly selfish thing to do, if it was a one-time, quick, boy did I f-up, event. It is as though the guilty wish to not only ease Their guilty conscience, but also appear a martyr to “Total Honesty In Our Relationship” hooey. In actuality, you only ruin the other person’s balance and love- for Your five-second literal fuck up. Why destroy them? A scorched-earth campaign because You feel guilty?
If the affair be longer running, or a family member/best friend taboo, then write your confession, take the due blame, sign over assets and get the hell out. You are an asshole.
Those that think that therepy will heal old wounds? It does – until the first argument, and the one after that, and the one after that…
The time to feel contrite over what you want to do with someone else, is to do it beforehand, and stop yourself. // IMO, experiences, watching others, etc., for any ready to leap with fangs.

Edit

Oh go ahead…in your mind, just for something to do if your bored.