The love of my life broke up with me. What should I do?

Move on,. His actions are pretty clear – you are doing all the giving and he isn’t reciprocating,

Quit blaming yourself (I could have been a better girlfriend). Lay out responsibility where it goes, which is to both of you. A relationship is not just one person, it is two.

Don’t grovel. Don’t whine. Don’t be a doormat waiting for him to step on you again.

Move on. His ship sailed.,

I don’t know why you are sorry and apologizing to him for being yourself. You do not give any indication you did anything wrong or hurtful to him. Relationships are a 2 way street, takes 2 to Tango and he is equally responsible for the slow burn distancing that has taken place over the last year. Where was his efforts to add to your relationship.

Stop blaming yourself as it appears for whatever reason(s) he punched out of your relationship a year ago and you have been simply strung along. A year wasted in a go nowhere in a relationship is way too valuable time for you to invest anymore energy in this relationship. And shame on him for blaming you for “neglecting him”. That is a weak tit excuse especially for a man to use. Move on do not look back and continue to enjoy your hobbies and your work. Plus IMHO if at the 3 year mark you are not talking marriage or similar life long commitments then it is time to read the handwriting on the wall and move on. Sorry about your heartache…as hard as it is now…time to move on and be nice to yourself for a change.

I am assuming the “NC” means “no communication”? If so, you are correct.

Don’t expect a straight answer. People don’t give a straight answer- they either try to make it easy and not too harsh, or they are angry and go completely into blame mode.

Give your self 3 to 4 weeks for every year to “get past this” and mope around. So sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you don’t get to complain to your friends or moan anymore or wallow in despair.

Remember, all relationships end, even ones where people are married for 60 years and then someone dies.

::Elsa klaxon:: Let it go, let it go, let it go-oh-oh…
Brutal, but true, you don’t wanna be…(ahem) Frozen in time, now do you?

I am sad for you.

I empathize; my husband of nearly forty years walked out one day. It’s hard to get over someone. I think the ball is in his court right now and you have to give him space. you’ve shown that you’d like him back, now let him decide. Silence may be his answer.

The only way to move on is to move through. You grieve for a time but keep being active and as you can, throw yourself more and more into activities. Talk to your friends but as @zenvelo after a time it will be time to stop wallowing.

I don’t know quite what to think. Is the boyfriend dejected because he felt himself a “spectator” restricted to watching you live your busy life? What about his own life? Apparently you were getting what you required from the relationship. The fact that you were unaware of his unhappy take on the 2 of you is rather bizarre.

It’s a shame that the two of you weren’t able to talk about this a year ago. Not that it would have made it a better relationship, but so you could have both moved on already.

I’m glad you’ve stopped the bombardment of the first days after the break-up.

__

A piece of advice for the future. Make sure that whoever you are in the relationship with is someone you like as a friend , first and foremost. After break-ups, it’s great to still have the person as a friend.

@quintessence : This is going to sound like what a lot of other people here have said, but… I feel like adding my voice to the throng, because I know how difficult it can be to accept something like this and move forward.

Let’s start by looking at the title to your question… “The love of my life broke up with me. What should I do?” It might be more accurate for you to have said, “The love of my life (so far)”. My reasoning for this is that you are only 27 and, of those 27 years, you only knew him in this way for three years. It seems like a lot, in the heat of the moment, when your emotions are still running quite high… But I assure you, this is actually a fairly brief relationship compared to what is possible between two or more people.

Next, I’d like to look at your description of the situation. You were trucking along, doing what you always do, which included hobbies… Work… And being in love with him. Suddenly, according to him, there is a problem… Not only that, but there’s been a problem for at least a year. He feels neglected by you, because of your emphasis on work and hobbies in your life or rather, perhaps, your lack of emphasis specifically on him. It is possible that he didn’t know how important these things were to you before you two started seeing each other, but surely within a year he was aware. Probably much earlier than that. So I have to wonder… Why would it only become a problem two years into the relationship?

It seems more likely to me that he was looking to end the relationship, and this was a convenient excuse that you would easily accept because it’s something you already believe about yourself. Ya know, that you “can get engrossed and carried away with hobbies and work.” Certainly, if his concern about neglect were the genuine reason for his wanting to part ways, then your change in behavior should signal to him that he ought to stick around. Maybe this is what has him confused… Or maybe he’s just telling you that, because again, it’s easier to lie than to simply say, “I don’t want to be with you anymore… Because I’m not interested in you anymore.” Notice the difference between the reasoning he gave and the reasoning here… The reasoning he gave, puts the blame squarely on your shoulders and points to an aspect of your personality that you’ve already accepted. The reasoning I proposed just now doesn’t lay blame on you at all.

I understand caring for someone who may or may not deserve your affection in reality, but… Don’t you think you deserve to be with someone who can be honest and direct with you? Someone who knows enough about themselves to identify what problems they might have with your behaviors early enough that something can be done in the way of a compromise? Someone who cares about you enough to be willing to compromise, especially at the point where you are going to great lengths to demonstrate your sincerity?

I hope this has helped in some way… And I hope that you eventually feel better about all this. Live long and prosper.

Gosh. It hurts. I know.

You also know that continuing to pursue him is exactly the wrong thing to do. If you can find the strength to do it, you just need to disappear. No more calls, no more showing up unexpectedly at his place. Let him start wondering.

In time the ache will recede….and you’ll meet someone else.

I feel sorry for you..but you’ll have to move on with your life. Don’t blame yourself for this as relationship is two sided affair. Give it some time to get back to normal and engage in other activities / friends more.

Accept it and move on.

@quintessence He has put you in a lose lose situation. He ended the relationship saying it’s not tolerable for past year. He does NOT want a relationship with you! You must pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on with your life knowing that for whatever reason he doesn’t love you the way you thought he did. Hugs.