How does one find companionship and love as an asexual homoromantic transgender?

There are plenty of websites for those with not-so-mainstream interests/qualifications.

I am not saying it will be easy, but I will tell you the same thing I tell anyone else: go out looking where the people you find desirable hang out! Join meet up groups, go find groups that do what you like to do, And, find the dating sites that are popular with people who have interest similar to yours.

Good Luck.

@zenvelo : Good advice… Thank you for that and for your wish of luck. I’m sure I’ll need it.

It sounds like you understand yourself pretty well after a lot of potentially difficult introspection. Congratulations on that.

With the understanding that we may be very different in our approaches, I’d probably take one more look at myself and see how important some of those conditions are. You’ve recognized them all as possibly limiting your search and compatibility in finding a relationship. We all go into relationships with “wants” and “needs” and those aren’t the same thing. So I’d see what my “must haves” are and go from there.

If most of your “terms and conditions” as you call them are needs, then as a practical matter I’d probably seek out highly educated groups and see where that takes me. That can be general education and exposure to the world at large, or specific education and exposure in the areas you’re specific on. You want an environment that strips away some of the labels and lets who you are as an individual shine through. That’s what people fall in love with.

To do that I’d try to find places where those labels don’t define me. Online can be great, but I’d probably actually shy away from places that the labels become nothing more than data on a person. You want somewhere to lay out what needs you’re looking to fill in your life, and that may come from a surprising place rather than someone who knows they are specifically looking for an asexual homoromantic transgender. Does that make sense?

For example, you may want someone to confide in, hang out with on weekends, and possibly build a life together with down the road. There are types of people you’ll be comfortable with to fill those roles, but if we focus too much on the specific characteristics we’re looking for, we lose sight that the needs we’re really trying to fill don’t have a lot to do with that.

In short, I’d look at the roles and actions I’m looking for a partner in and then make those understandable from the other person’s perspective. Then I’d open it up and let my personal preferences sort out my interest, but not act as a gatekeeper.

Good luck, and again, congrats on the clarity.

@funkdaddy : Thanks… It took me quite some time to come to terms with and understand who I am.

That’s some fairly sound advice. I’ll look into various academic groups and groups that share interests of mine. And yes, you make a lot of sense.

Ideally, I’d like someone to share my days with… Someone to snuggle up with and watch Star Trek… Someone to go camping with… Have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with… Cook for… Go for walks with… Someone for whom I can play guitar, who might enjoy it… I’d like someone I will feel comfortable speaking my mind to… As well as someone who isn’t afraid to challenge my perceptions and assertions… I’d like to spend time with someone intelligent… Someone interested in philosophy… Someone who is already established in life, and is looking for someone to share that life with… Other things, too, I’m sure, but those are some of the main ones.

Thanks for the advice and the luck. :) I’m sure I’ll need both.

I’m having trouble finding anyone as a cisgender straight but older female. You have my sympathies.

@JoyousLove – that’s quite a list. A good list but long.

I think I’d start by establishing a good group of supportive friends, who within the group, have the attributes you’re looking for. Then consider if any of those friends meet several of your requirements. It might be one person who suits or a combo. Perhaps a poly relationship would suit you best. There really are options out there.

__

On a light note – many years my contractor thought he’d like to help me find just the right guy. I told him that after years of thinking about it, I’d decided that I wasn’t looking for Mr. Right but Mr. Not Annoying. His response? Girl, you know you are asking for waaaaaaaaay too much.

I think the key is finding someone else that is asexual. The other parts don’t really matter, because finding love, whether you are male, female, transgender is not easy and finding love within an asexual relationship probably harder.
Find other people who are asexual. Asexual people are more common than we think and also come with different gender identities and sexual identities, just like regular people who are not into asexualism.