Should I attend my brother's court date to support him?

I would first tell him, “we need to have a conversation about this. Did you physically assault them? Did you throw things at them? I know you are capable of this, since you did it to me. Did you?”

From that, you can see if he is taking responsibility for his actions or not. And you can ask him what he expects out of you in the way of “support”. Be honest and tell him if asked in court that you know he is capable of being abusive.

Two things: 1) if you have a serious PTSD episode like this at home, imagine how awful it would be sitting in court? And 2) your visible reaction could influence the judge (or jury if there is one).
I must respectfully disagree with @zenvelo here, I don’t think you should go, and you don’t owe him an explanation or apology or anything. The thought of this has ratcheted up your anxiety level so much, and it’s likely to take a while to dial it back down.

I say again, you don’t owe your abuser anything. No compassion, no support, nothing. And I know how hard that is, I have estranged myself from most of my family, I still carry some guilt, and therapy helps.
Look after you and yours.

Be strong, I send you all the good thoughts and support I can.

My dad was a drunk. He used to beat up everyone. Near the end we were told to sleep with our shoes on so we could leave quickly. And we did a lot. My mom probably spent around 10K for hotels. My dad would say that if my mom ever left him he would have all of us killed.

So one night he was all irate and making my sister get on a scale since he thought my sister was getting fat. He slams my sisters head into the bathtub for putting on a few pounds. A few hours later my mom shoots him in the head.

Soo. Maybe it isn’t bad if your brother gets a time-out. It will allow his family to come up with a plan and get away.

And I am really sorry you are going through this. Nobody should have to.

I was abused by my brother and it has been a long process of healing and distancing myself from him. You don’t owe it to him to be sweet or peaceful; do what’s right for you. As @canidmajor says, if you were triggered into panic by memories at home, how would sitting and listening to the litany of his behavior in court make you feel? You probably should get some good therapy if you haven’t yet and when you feel like you can, it might be healing to bond with your SIL and your nieces or nephews.

I wouldn’t recommend going but it’s not my family.

Can you talk to your husband about this – have him let your brother know you won’t be going to court with him?

It does sound like you need some supportive counselling yourself.

Wishing you strength and ease of mind.

Not having been in an abusive relationship to the point of being traumatized, I withdraw my post above, and defer to the experienced responders to stay the hell away.

And I agree with @janbb about therapy, and with @BellaB about talking to your husband for assistance.

I would not go.
You’ve broken down about this once already. It’s not going to benefit anyone if you go to pieces in court.

Here’s what I would do. I’d tell my brother that I think he should ask his lawyer to postpone the hearing as long as possible, and hire the best counselor/shrink/psychiatrist that he can afford. From free to $100’s an hour. See them as frequently as he can afford prior to the hearing.
He doesn’t stand a chance unless he goes into this understanding that he’s been an asshole bully all of his adult life. If he can see that, and apologize to you, you should go to court with him.
Maybe you can see a family counselor that specializes in adults, together. But you’re going to have to be truthful. And that’s going to hurt him. And it then might make-or-break him in court.
As it now stands, his ex-wife should subpoena you as a star witness.
He has no business being alone with his kids, and you know that better than most.
He’s in a tight spot, and he knows that. Try to use your leverage as the family peacekeeper to everyone’s advantage.
I’m sorry.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Sorry for the crap you took as a kid.
I can relate, if you couldn’t tell. BUT, I’m a generation removed from you. YOU have hope. At your age I had the status-quo.

What is he going to court for? Domestic violence? Does he just want you there for emotional support?

Thank you all so much! Back story. On Thanksgiving while my brother was working my SIL gathered the kids and what they could take and ran. She didn’t tell my brother she wasn’t coming back until they were safely with her family. My brother cried and at times thought of suicide but his family tried to hold him together.

He’s going to court tomorrow for what he thought was an easy visitation case. Until he read her response. He’s blaming her saying that she is the one that made him angry and caused him to lash out. If she didn’t push his buttons he wouldn’t have been angry. He’s been diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD and Anxiety. He asked me to go with him for emotional support. Which after talking to my husband and reading everyone’s answers, I agree it’s probably not healthy for me to go.

@dubsrayboo: It’s classic abuser logic to say “she made me angry” and “she made me do it.” “If you didn’t do what you did, I wouldn’t have done what I did.”

With a set of diagnoses like that, I hope your brother will be taking along documents confirming he is in treatment with good doctors and therapists.
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Your priority has to be taking care of yourself at this point.

What stands out for me here and is a red flag if indeed it is what you say it is and that is that the soon to be ex wife…” She said that their children had told her and counselors and even DCFS (dept. of child and family services) that my brother had abused them.”

This doesn’t sit well with me in that if your brother indeed was abusing the kids as is being alleged, his wife/soon to be ex would have first hand knowledge of this. The fact that the wife if using her kids to bring testimony of alleged abuses smacks of a setup by the ex to get custody. I agree with @zenvelo that you should have a conversation with your brother and express your reservations based on your past experiences with him growing up and let him know you cannot lie on his behalf if you do go to court.

My position is to always protect the kids and do what is in their best interest, but it is not unusual for parents in divorce cases to use their kids to attempt to manipulate the custody outcome. Hopefully your brother has a good lawyer who is giving him good counsel at this time.

Thank you all. As an update his ex said she didn’t know about the abuse because she was at work.
My brother now has supervised visitations and can call his kids two times a week.

It was a relief to not go, but now I guess I have issues that I need to work out. Wish me luck.

@dubsrayboo , take good care of yourself.

G’luck, @dubsrayboo!
Take care, and don’t be a stranger.