Is it mean to go on holiday with your husband 5 weeks after giving birth, leaving the baby with Grandma?

As long as the baby is safe and well cared for, I don’t see the problem.

It is entirely your choice whether to take a trip or not. Don’t let anyone shame you for your choices.

Mean to whom, the baby or to Grandma?

Apparently, Grandma is all for it so I’m sure she would find it delightful rather than mean.

It’s been shown that babies and young children benefit from the occasional absence and return of the parents because it fosters a sense of independence and confidence in themselves that they will be all right.

Mom and Dad may leave but they will also return. The more this pattern repeats the more they know that it can be relied upon.

Of course it’s imperative that the person responsible for the child has your absolute trust but that seems OK here.

I think the main question is whether you will find the time at the conference to be relaxing for you or more stressful.

You’ll have many more months ahead of sleep deprivation while adjusting to your new baby, so take a break when you can.

Your mom managèd to get you from infancy to adulthood without catastrophe so I can’t think of a better person to be in charge. She’ll love bonding with her new grandchild.

No problem, the kid won’t notice you are gone at that age, and you’ll be back in less than a week anyway.

Go!! and have a great time.

You won’t be a bad mum for doing this, but how do you feel about it? In the end, that’s what really counts here. I remember with my children, the last thing I would have wanted was to leave them with anyone else, this was especially true with my first baby. So what do you want to do? Also, are you going to breastfeed? You can’t leave a baby for five weeks if you’re going to breastfeed. And without wanting to give you guilt, breastfeeding really is the best thing for your baby, even if you only do it for a couple of months or so.

The baby will be fine with your mum. I’m sure of that. You may find it very hard to leave your baby AND it may affect settling into a routine with your child. And you don’t know what your child is going to be like personality-wise. My first baby was so easy. She slept for hours and I almost had to prod her to wake her up. My second still doesn’t sleep through and she’s 28! She just cried and whinged constantly and I was exhausted. You have no idea what sort of personality your baby will have.

I don’t think it’s bad. I think maybe it’s going to be hard for you to do it. If you can go and have a good time and this is a good opportunity to have a vacation that I’m guessing won’t cost you much, then I think it’s fine. If you are going to go, and worry about the baby, and desperately king for the baby, then I say don’t go.

It’s up to you.

Those first half dozen weeks are hell. I think if grandma is up to it, it will do you a world of good.

I think you might be better making the arrangements with a get out clause if you change your mind about going once the baby is born. Who knows how you will be feeling at that time. Or all four of you go and let grandma baby sit while you go out for dinner. You’d be by yourself most of the day if hubby is at the conference so some company might be nice.

Us parents are forever checking ourselves on wether we’re doing the right thing by our children, all this shows is that we worship our kids & the bond is unbreakable.
That is why you even contemplate if what you’re considering is mean, bad, perceived as just wrong. No, you’re a normal, standard, loving parent, be proud of that & make room for perfectly reasonable events beyond that to take place.

Before ‘object permanence’ develops which is at 7–8 months a baby thinks you have gone forever when you go.

That’s why when we hide under a blanket they get so amazed when we reappear.

However, if the baby feels loved and secure with the grandparents all should be OK!
I did the same thing with my son and all went OK.

I assume you’re not nrsing the baby?

You might feel this way now but once you give birth, you very possibly will not be able to imagine leaving the baby for five days.

@jca She hasn’t given birth yet?

@JLeslie, it’s not clear whether she has or not. I had the feeling she hasn’t yet given birth.

Oh, if she hasn’t had the baby yet then I think making a commitment to leave at 5 weeks after the baby is born is not wise, unless there is an easy escape clause. I don’t have children, but I can’t imagine leaving my young infant for a full day, let alone 5 days out of town.

I’d love to hear from the OP. If she hasn’t had the baby yet, I would be loathe to advise her to plan such a trip. She doesn’t know how she will feel about it emotionally or physically. If she is nursing, five days away will dry up her milk, even if she expresses it. A better plan might be to have Grandma – if they get along well – move in with her and help out so she can get some rest while hubby is away.

I hate to assume, but this sounds like a husband who doesn’t want to accept things are about to change.

This truly your decision. But based on the mixed signals in your question I can tell you are truly torn over this decision…

“Is it mean”
“5 weeks after giving birth”
“In another country”
“my husband wants me to attend a conference with him ”
All these statements tells me you are a reluctant and or undecided here. You end with the comment…“would it be a good break for the two of us?”

Yes it would be a great break for you two provided you can handle the separation from your new born. You tell us you have the support of your mom to take care of your child so I would take advantage for this possibly rare chance to have some down time with your husband. Will you have some things to do while your husband is attending the conference?

I’d suggest letting your husband know that you won’t be able to make a final decision on this until after the child is born.

Hopefully he understands that there are a lot of variables that will need to be taken into account.

The baby might have issues that will make it hard for you to leave her/him and it might be difficult for Grandma to handle the issues. Also, not sure how old Grandma is but I’m sure she realizes a 5 week old baby is probably waking up around the clock.

Mean? Of course not. In modern Asian culture babies are mainly the responsibility of grandparents (if they’re still alive and capable) as both parents will be focusing on work (this is especially true since the grandparents were the ones who kept begging for grandchildren). Otherwise, baby sitters will be hired and they’re like wildfire these days among young parents.

It makes life easier to delegate some of your responsibility to others who can deal with such thing and I don’t think anyone should feel guilty about it.

^^Yeah, but usually the parents come home at night, and I’m not so sure the parents are both back to work and away from the baby just after 5 weeks in your culture? Is there maternity leave?

Plus, if the baby isn’t born yet and she goes overdue by a week, it will just be one month old.

I just can’t imagine being ok with leaving for 5 days straight. Meaning, the mother feeling ok doing it. I think she will have a hard time enjoying herself. She will still “feel” post pregnant I think. Her body will still be readjusting. It sounds like she is doing it for her husband not herself.

New mothers often don’t leave the baby in the hospital for a day or two if the baby can’t come home when the mother comes home. The mother will miss the baby so much she’ll stay in the hospital around the clock, despite there being the best care there, too. I can’t see leaving a new baby with a relative to go to a conference.

Those 5 days can do a world of good for your marriage.

@LuckyGuy Not necessarily. If Mom is still physically tired and probably not ready for “intimacy” or emotionally torn about leaving her newborn, it could be a very stressful time.

I wish the OP would come back and give us some more info or responses.

The baby will be fine, but I agree with Jca. YOU probably won’t be so fine. When I had my first i6 was surprised at how desperately I wanted to get back to her after just an hour or so.

@janbb I wasn’t thinking of “intimacy.” (although being a guy I am supposed to be thinking of it every 10 minutes.)
I was thinking of it as a break where they both can share an experience just between the two of them. We all know that will not happen for a while.
I am guessing grandma is really looking forward to this as well.
Everyone can win.

^Well you do have that prostate thing~.

LOL!

@LuckyGuy I think if Grandma can give an evening out once a week that would probably work better – as least it would have for me – for the marriage than going away for 5 days with my husband to a convention and leaving my 5 week old.

This Bubby is gearing up to give a few outings to the new parents when I go to visit in a few weeks.

People, this is a first baby and it’s five weeks old. They’ve had up until this time to do things together and work on their relationship. While I totally support having a night out and finding time to spend together when you have children of any age, if a couple need a week away from their baby after only five weeks, it doesn’t bode well for their future!

I hope the OP comes back and confirms whether the baby has arrived yet.

^^I know you are responding to people who are saying grab the time off from the difficult infant stage, so I’m not questioning what you wrote? I basically agree. I was just going toads that I don’t feel the OP was really talking about needing a break, but more seizing an opportunity to travel.

We don’t really know why she wants to go with her husband. Perhaps they’ve always travelled together and he would like her to be there. Perhaps she’s sad not to be able to go with him? Only she can explain that.

However, they’ve just waited months for this little person to arrive, so the idea that they’ll ‘need’ a week long break from the baby after only five weeks seems ridiculous. They might well be tired and young babies can be hard work, but it’s also a joyful period as you get to know your son or daughter.

They can always travel in the future, even the near future, with their baby.

@Earthbound_Misfit The baby hasn’t been born yet, as far as I can tell, so this is not a question of “needing time away from their baby.”

It is about a conference that has been scheduled 5 weeks after the due date.

I sense a hesitancy in the OP about leaving the baby so early, again, not an issue of “needing time away.”

It sounds to me like neither one is aware of how strong that bond is going to be when the baby is born. But it sounds like the OP might have an inkling, more so than the father.

I suspect that she’ll have a completely different outlook about leaving within a day after the baby is born.

I’m pretty sure I’d have that baby in my sight constantly for many weeks if it was mine. You know, watching it breath. I mean you’re not only in love, you’re responsible for it staying alive! Seems like it might be a little nerve racking at first.

I do know women who had post pardon though. Family members stepped in for a week to a few months to watch the baby.

@Duchess_III, some of the posts above are suggesting it will be good for the couple. The OP didn’t say this.

I couldn’t even imagine leaving a 5 week old baby for 5 days. That doesn’t mean it’s not right for you but I would have a panic attack just thinking about it. I had a hard enough time going back to work at 6 weeks

The other thing to consider is that the baby might be late and be even younger – possibly just 3 weeks old.

OP – I wonder if you can explain a bit more about why this is the situation. We are asking about why you have to go, why you have to leave the baby, who is making this request. If I am reading right, these things are being pushed on to you by your husband/partner. Is he feeling happy about the baby? I don’t know your culture or his but is this a normal thing for you, as @Unknown suggests?

It that context then, I agree with you @Earthbound_Misfit.

Something else I thought of saying in my first response, but decided against it because, well, no point in scaremongering:

5 weeks postpartum is before the typical 6 week checkup, where your doctor gives you a look-over and assesses any questions or concerns you might have about your postpartum body.

Is your postpartum bleeding normal? Are you breastfeeding well, with a good latch? Any mastitis or nipple-cracking? If you have a tear or an episiotomy, how is it healing? If you had a c-section, how is that incision healing? Are you experiencing postpartum depression (used to be called the Baby Blues)? Has your uterus shrunk appropriately? Are you OK to have sex again? What are your birth control plans going forward? etc. etc. etc.

I’d, personally, wait to travel until after I’d seen my doctor. It might be feasible to move up that appointment a few days.

^^^ Good points.

okay. thanks.. no i haven’t had the baby yet.

yeah i can back out if i want to .

I would suggest that you do. I think you’d strongly regret going.

If you can back out at any point then good. Maybe discuss with your husband you feel unsure and you just want to know if you back out he will understand.

Forget about people judging and just concentrate on what you feel ok doing. You. Not your husband, or your friends, or your relatives, just you. Right now I don’t think you can for sure predict how you will feel.

Baby finally arrived. Not going on trip :) haha..

Can’t imagine leaving my little baby behind. He will miss mama and her breastmilk. LOL

We told you so! :-)

:-) Congratulations. Glad you are all well. So do you have a boy? Girl? What’s the little person’s name? Is everything going well?

A Fluther baby! Congrats!

Congratulations @chinchin31 . Welcome to your baby boy!

@chinchin31 I was thinking of you when I went out to see my new grandaugter at 7 weeks old and her Mom would barely let me hold her! I thought, “No way is that new Momma going to want to leave for five days.” It’s nothing you can imagine until it happens, is it?

Hearty congratulations!

Was your husband understanding?

@JLeslie asks a good question ^^^. That’s kind of what we’ve all been wondering.

yeah husband was understanding…..

Happy babymoon @chinchin31!

It’s really hard to understand how life changing having a baby is until you have done it – for both mums and dads. I hope that you and baby are well and that your relationship with your husband is good too.

You’ll know when you’re ready to go away without baby but it may take some time.

^^^^ Took me 30 years! I’m still not ready, to be honest. I want my children back. But these days they come with children of their own so….nevermind.