Anybody have any amusing jury duty stories?

I just mentioned my time on the grand jury in another thread. Nothing funny about it. I don’t go to certain parts of town because of it. While spending weeks upon weeks doing this sucked I can’t recommend doing it enough. You really understand your community after doing so.

Yes, thank you, I appreciate that, but did you read the details?

I’m not providing details. They had a reported from the local newspaper serving though. I thought that was sort of sketchy.

I was on a murder trial. Drugs, fire, murder. Facinating right? I fell asleep twice. Once with drool starting down my chin.
The court room I was in had no windows so it was only lit up by over head lights. We came in with a guilty verdict. The minute the judge read the verdict the criminal banged both fists on the table and the lights went out. It was pitch black and scary as hell. Just as I had decided to try to find the door the lights came back on. Then the judged polled all of the jurors. This means he asks each jurist if they agreed to the verdict. Instead of calling us “Jurist number 1”, etc., he said our full names! What I didn’t know at the time was a bunch of his friends were outside waiting on us to come out. They took us out another door. I was nervous for weeks.
I know this doesn’t sound funny but looking back it is all so cloak and dagger, it seems funny.

@ARE_you_kidding_me Did you just see the word “jury” and launch into your story? Then, in my post you saw “details” and responded to that? Did you miss entirely the word “amusing” both in the main question and the topic tags? Or the last sentence before “Thanks” in my details? Really, truly, I don’t want to hear about your grand jury experience.

@chyna, the whole thing with the black-out and back door exit does sound rather melodramatic! :-)

Jeeze, sorry. Nevermind then.

Just prepare yourself for the monotony and fatigue that you know is coming. Not much else you can do, and try to reserve judgement. I wouldn’t want to be an attorney under all that pressure.

My amusing Jury Duty story is that I have been summoned at least, a half dozen times in the last 10 years, and every-single-time my group is cancelled at the last minute, the night before when you phone in to hear your instructions. Now, they seem to have completely forgotten about me for the last 5 years or so. Looks like I’ll never have the experience at the rate it’s been going all these years and, quite frankly, that’s just fine with me.

I served on a Special Grand Jury for about 8 months. No, it wasn’t a daily activity for all that time; we convened 2–3 times per months. The experience was fascination and very rewarding.

That’s about all I can say, even anonymously.

This Q was prompted because when I mentioned it to a friend, she told me about a civil case she had been on the jury for, where one party sued the other for alienation of affections…of a small fluffy dog. Who actually came into the courtroom as evidence, and promptly pooped.
That’s the jury I want to sit on!

@canidmajor, I share your frustration. One of the reasons I post so few questions is that it’s so hard to get people to answer the question you asked. Many jellies just seem to be looking for an audience. They’re careless readers who think they’re exempt from normal courtesies. I drive the freeway with them and stand in line behind them at the grocery store all the time.

I don’t have any funny jury stories. My jury experiences were all emphatically unfunny and made me declare that I never wanted anyone I cared about to be at the mercy of the criminal justice system (a hope that, unfortunately, did not come true).

But my husband was thrown off a prospective jury for laughing when the prosecutor asked him if he’d be uncomfortable hearing testimony about male body parts. The case involved an incident in the women’s lingerie department of J.C. Penney’s.

@canidmajor I read your whole post and the details. I did not give any icky criminal details. There is just nothing really funny about jury duty and you’ll be hard pressed to find humor in it. Sorry if that’s not reassuring.

As for about as much humor as I can offer: a couple of months ago I got a summons in the mail for jury duty. I’m thinking “crap, how should I go about getting out of this” guilty of carless reading there, it had my wifes name on it. I offered her my best eric cartman ha ha ha ha, na na na na you got jury duty ha ha ha.

She was not as amused.

Sorry, thats all I got.

And yet, @ARE_you_kidding_me, my friend’s experience with a fluffy dog case was amusing.
I wasn’t picked one time because an attorney thought I could not be impartial in a wrongful termination case where the plaintiff was an abnormally tall woman. Again, fairly amusing.

I’ve been to a civil trial for pain and suffering, auto accident. During the “voir dire” selection of the jury, the judge ask if there any people that knew the parties involved, their doctors and lawyers or the judge. Six out the twenty people stood up; One was related to one of the lawyers, two were patients of the doctors, one went to school with injured people, the last two had pending cases using the lawyers on the case.
Next step was to start the interviews and the first one was a lady using a walker and on oxygen. The judge sent her home without any questions asked of her. Long and short the rest of us were waiting for the continuation after lunch recess, we were told to continue waiting. The two parties lawyer’s came to an out of court settlement. Off I go home.

@Jeruba: I have only been seated on civil cases, I’m hoping that holds true this time. As incredibly boring as they can be, they’re not likely to give me nightmares.

^Or come after you!

Well, they don’t want me, guess I’ll be doing yard work.

No but I have found a sure fire ,legal way of never getting picked for jury duty, want to know how??
It worked for me and have never received another jury duty summons again.

Actually, @SQUEEKY2, I don’t mind jury duty. I believe in the system (if not always the execution of same) and I don’t grudge the time or the energy. Sappy ol’ me, I really do believe it’s my civic duty.

@SQUEEKY2 “No but I have found a sure fire ,legal way of never getting picked for jury duty, want to know how??” Yes, I’d like to know how.

Show up in clean work clothes, work boots jeans and work shirt, they seem to only want to pick the people that are dressed to the hilt.

They want uneducated, dim and gullible jurors so the lawyers can make their case however they want and the court can handle the case how they want.

Gosh, thanks guys. I usually get picked. :-P

I’ll be going the end of October – will try to find some humor for you if I actually have to go in.

I was a juror on a felony robbery case. The gentleman was found guilty and sent to prison for a while. Years later after his release I read that he died, overcome by toxic fumes released while illegally dumping toxic chemicals in the canal.
Taxpayers paid a fortune for this guy.

@canidmajor you say you believe in the system and it’s your civic duty, all nice and nice but the system has been broken for years, if you have enough money you can buy your way out of anything.
As for my duty it is my duty to go to work and pay a shit load of taxes, so the rich can get richer and the working class can pay all the countries bills.
Example : winter road maintenance they treat sand and road salt like gold dust hence put very little down, due to government cut backs.
The idea of the “system” is good it’s just to bad it’s been totally broke for years , by the greedy wealthy blaming the poor and the working class for wanting and getting to much.
While they ship their profits and jobs over seas.

Oh, give me a break @SQUEEKY2, and do read my post with actual comprehension.
I get that you can’t be bothered to address the question as written (see @Jeruba‘s post) but it’s just rude to try to turn it into another driving rant.
And maybe they don’t pick you because they just don’t want to, maybe they are not sure you can get past your bias enough to be fair. My friends in BC are educated professionals and have both been picked to sit on juries.

Ah, @Jeruba, you are so spot on. Some definitely do only want an audience. Next question, I’ll employ that technique mentioned in the PM. Wanna bet it makes no difference?

Wow this thread went unfunny fast.

Here is an amusing tid-bit, why don’t we ever hear of anyone really wealthy or famous pulling jury duty??

@SQUEEKY2 Why don’t you start a new question and ask this?
@canidmajor asked for humorous jury stories.

In my case the police responded to a silent alarm at a store in the middle of the night. They came screaming up to the front of the building using lights and sirens, while 2 cruisers silently waited at the rear. The guy came running out and was quickly apprehended. There was a pile of goods stacked by the rear door ready for pickup.
His attorney said there was poor police work since they did not take fingerprints.
For a short while one of the jurors was swayed by that argument. The rest of us agreed with the prosecutor that fingerprints were not necessary since they got the guy!!!
He was not a nice guy.

@SQUEEKY2 : please stop derailing this thread. Please. Just. Stop. As @chyna suggests, ask your own question.