What would you suggest for this situation?
My daughter dropped the twins off for a bit today. They’ll be 4 in January.
It was great. We hung out in the RV which was in the driveway, which we took to Oklahoma last week.
They discovered a Rollo candy roll that I’d left on the console. I had only eaten one. They wanted to eat the rest.
Well, it was melted into one solid log, pretty much, so I unwrapped what was left and told them to share.
They’re very used to sharing and for the first 3 bites they were perfect. Take a bite, hand it to the other, who would take a bite, who would then hand it back.
Well, got down to the last two bites and Savannah….stuffed the whole last two bites in her mouth and ate it with a triumphant grin.
Kale’s face just fell in shock. He got tears in his eyes. She is so mean sometimes! So helpful and protective of her brother at others.
I gathered Kale in my arms and told him I’d buy him his own one day, then looked at Savannah and reproachfully said, “Savannah! That wasn’t nice.”
Her smile disappeared.
So, I shall buy them both a Rolo, but I’m thinking of making a point of taking one of Savannah’s and giving it to Kale to comp, or telling her she should do that.
This is a small thing, I know, but it could be a learning experience in making things up to people you have wronged.
What do you think? I’m trapped by football tonight! That’s why I’m dreaming up these questions!
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5 Answers
(Dis)approval can be a good natural feedback, as long as people respect you and value your approval. You could ask the offended kid what he’d like as compensation. Kids also like getting some agency/choice/influence/input. Then not only could he get some fresh Rollo, he could choose to get something he likes even more (which can also help not get them fixated on candy as currency, and get them thinking about other things they might like).
I might even offer a favor which he can hoard and think about what he wants for later… though all this territory wants a bit of caution. It’s best if it can be quick and natural, and if it isn’t showing that causing an upset can lead to a bunch of attention and action that the adults wouldn’t normally do.
I would avoid making the offender make a forced offering of his Rollo. I would either not get that kid another Rollo, or deduct some pieces and give them to the victim myself (probably adding at least 1 more piece to compensate for the injustice).
It can be used as a teachable moment. Taking someone else’s candy is easy and profitable, and you will get away with it. That’s capitalism, and it’s the culture we’re born into. There’s no sense in pretending anything else is the case, because everyone eventually learns the truth, that it’s the greedy, soulless, sadistic, reptilian, sociopathic scumbags who become rich and successful. The important thing is to teach them why being a greedy, soulless, sadistic, reptilian, sociopathich scumbag isn’t a good thing, even though you will be showered with Rolos and Rolexes as a result.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? [Mark 8:36]
You did the right thing by showing disapproval for what Savannah did. I would let it go. At four years old, I am not sure that concepts like justice and retribution would be comprehensible.
My mother would probably try and make me think about how it felt to have the last pieces taken from ME (if I was the one who stole it.) If the situation was reversed, I’d feel shitty. That imagined pain,through empathy, would at least cause me pause before another such action.
She has always been instrumental in how I see the world. Trying to see things in the eyes of others is ,I think, a good trait.
I really like @SmashTheState ‘s answer. But those kids might be a little young for that to make sense to them. If you can articulate his idea in a way they understand that would be great.
I’ll just let it go. At their age, leaving a huge gap of time between the deed and the consequence is non-productive. I think just saying her name in disapproval made my point. But I did promise Kale I’d get him some Rolos of his own. Hey….Halloween is coming up! I can give him Rolos and Savannah something else. If she makes the connection, fine. If not, that’s fine too. But I will have kept my promise to Kale.
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