My grandson and his wife, who live in my house, are breaking up. Do I ask if I can help, or wait for them to ask for help if they want it?

Without any details – hard breakup or soft? Kids involved or none? Money, infidelity, abuse issues, or “just drifting apart”?? – it’s hard to advise.

At most, I think you can say to them both at the same time that if they would like your help all they have to do is ask.

If I were you I wouldn’t offer anything specific, or try to interfere (I wouldn’t think you would try) but just be there if get need you.

Helping does run a risk I think. It might be best for you to be as neutral as possible. If grandchildren are involved, you wouldn’t want your DIL to see you as any sort of enemy.

We don’t really know the details though, so it’s hard to answer with any real validity.

I assume you mean financially? If you do, I’d wait for them to ask.

Breakups are tough, when the members of the breakup are in your household then it is unimaginable.

I would say just back off and let them sort it out like adults. Just be available for either or both of them to talk to you.

Thank you for the help. It helps me feel better about staying out of it.

@YARNLADY I agree with those who say you have to stay out of it unless they turn to you. However, if there are boundaries of theirs that violate your space – loud arguing, threats of violence – you have a right to set limits and a time frame for one of them to be out.

MYOB! If they want your help they’ll ask.

I doubt they’ll want or need your input. Just your house.

@Aster Yes, I was beginning to believe that. It seems they finally got approved for an apartment, so they have made up and are moving soon. Whew!

@YARNLADY: Did the getting approved for an apartment have anything to do with their making up? I’m just wondering which event came first, and how much that played into their making up.

@YARNLADY if I were you, I’d go get the first load of boxes, drop them on the floor while muttering, “gee; I’m really gonna miss you guys” then go get more boxes.

@jca Yes, the apartment of their own made all the difference in the world
@Aster So funny, that’s exactly what I have done.