Why didn't my boyfriend want me to say hi to his neighbor which is a girl and I happen to know her?

Hmmm…. I would say trust your intuition…. “Woman’s intuition” is a thing….. It does sound a little shady to me….. What do you think? Does he seem like the type that would cheat ? Has he done this sort of thing before?

If it were me (because I am a crazy biotch ha) I would go over and ask her things. I actually don’t care to look crazy or jealous :D

But that is if I only really feel something strong like he’s hiding something.

Men have also been known to cheat with women they know or are close to…... not just a random stranger….. but possibly the neighbor, a roommate, in the same school/work, etc (NOT trying to scare you, just what I’ve found out).

If he’s a good guy and you have nothing else to worry about, he could be telling the truth and you might just be overreacting or overthinking it… but if it were me (again because I am a crazy ass female!!!) I would do more investigating :D (don’t say I told you…....... lol )

Again I don’t want to be putting crazy ideas into your mind if he’s a good guy and has been faithful to you!!! Because if you are overly paranoid/jealous that too can be a turn off to him…. But then again trust your intuition sweetie. Good luck!!! Let me know if you find out anything lol.

Why not just ignore his ridiculous demands and do as you like, with whom you like, and let him get used to that idea?

If you follow his orders now in everything that you do, then it’s only going to get worse. When he makes stupid rules for what you should do, then my recommendation would be that you not only break them “a little bit”, but break them wide open.

Invite her to dinner.

@FlutherBug Lol, you are right! I owuld love to dig deep, but I feel like if I was in between a sword and a wall, cause I don’t have the sufficient amount of proof to say he is doing some shady shit.we have seen this girl other times and he does not care,BUT one time I said hi to her and he saw that and he was like’’ oh your know that girl’’ and I was like yeah!! I see her in the gym and met her there, and that’s it, but yesterday he reacted weird, I do admit my boyfriend is the type of guy to get heated out of creating things so I don’t know!. maybe complex issues, god knows

“Why not just ignore his ridiculous demands and do as you like, with whom you like, and let him get used to that idea?”

Yup this is very good advice too !!!

If you invite her to dinner, or are friends with her, then that will let him know you are friends with her ;) and you are onto him ;) hehehe… (okay crazy female coming out now… I’ll just stop writing now lol).

Lol @CWOTUS my aunt always says’’ sometimes we have the enemy in our face and still we dont see it’’ I will have to believe that. I need to figure out whats her facebook and see. they say that if a person searches he/she will find.

@pami16

A little trick here…. Okay this is somewhat mischievous…. But I used to make friends with my boyfriend’s friends….. family….. Be good friends with his best friends….... That way, if anything happens, his best friend will let you know if he’s cheating or acting shady…. always works….. but again don’t say I told you anything lol…..

Then I was reading a book on politics / war and apparently men use this same tactic too :P

(being friends with alliances to gain favor, or get information).... lol… Yes I’m sneaky :D ha…

Ha….

“Sometimes we have the enemy in our face and still we dont see it’’

Your aunt is a very smart lady….. Very true…. Happens in all life….. Business, politics, relationships….... etc…....

@pami16

Yeah true who knows….... I would just say to keep your eye out on it…...

@FlutherBug At times I feel that I get blind due to love and keep up, until I react and see shday shit and then I think to myself ’’ I don’t want to end up like a dam fool’’ I need to have the power, I CANNOT let him have it other wise I will become his sheep. I need to educate him because he was brought up differently. Lol

Maybe he wants you to know (or think) that he is only interested in you (which may well be the case). Talk to her and find out what their history is, if any. Otherwise, play it cool, don’t think anything more into it, see what happens.

“Otherwise, play it cool, don’t think anything more into it, see what happens.”

@pami16

Yes play it cool :D

Pretend this is like war, politics, and you have to be like Machiavelli… lol…. Trust your intuition, trust your gut feeling, play it cool…....... but be friends with her too….. That way you can gain her favor and trust… your boyfriend will see you are friends with her….

@pami16 Let me know what happens!!! But I wish things r good and well otherwise and you have nothing to worry about !!!!

@FlutherBug You know what the good thing about become her friend is, that she lives in front of his building she sees everything that can possibly be going on in there, if he brings girls, guys or whatever the heck goes around there KNOW, I have to admit she is somehow slutty, not in an open way but I see how she acts in the gym with guys and she seems too all over the place if you get what I mean. Also she has good body, big butt and wide hips (she is black caribbean girl) and I like to be thin and my boyfriend likes curvy girls, like I was before with a fit body, But I like to be thin and look elegant, he says I cannot lose more weight ,that I should not do it in an unhealthy way blah blah, anyways the point is I love to be thin in a normal way not abnormally.

@pami16

I wish you the best of luck hun, keep your eyes open and peeled!!!

Funny, same here. I like to be thin in an elegant way as well.

As a follow-up to what I wrote earlier, I suppose, the question reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite authors:

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should just get used to the idea.”

It’s great advice, but if this is your same boyfriend of the past few years, it may take a while to get him used to this new idea, if it represents a change in the power dynamic between the two of you.

Is this the same boyfriend that never kisses you, that you think is gay and that has 2 fake facebook accounts? If so, you should have dumped him a couple of months when you said you were going to. If this is a new guy, you seem to keep going for the same type. Those that keep secrets. Life is too short to play mind games with other people. Date someone that is fun and loving and without a secret double life.

@chyna

Well I feel for her if it is the same guy…... I understand….. Patterns repeat until we learn the lesson that we need to….. I agree life is too short…. I agree with you. But usually if women date abusive guys or losers, has to do with childhood/daddy issues (not saying that’s the case for her)... and childhood traumas are hard to get over, if the parents have issues with cheating, abuse, neglect, etc…..

If this is the same guy you’ve been asking/writing about in your previous questions, I say you kick him to the curb !!! @pami16 But I’ve been kind of in the same situation with men, so I’m not one to talk lol.

”’’ I don’t want you to say ’‘hello’’ to…” That’s ridiculous. It’s up to you to decide whether or not to say hello or more than that.

@flo You are right!, she is actually not my friend to be honest, but I know her from the gym, and I talk to her there and that’s it, but its still my life and mouth so yeah LOL! I am starting to believe my bf is extremely paranoid/anxious/ and neurotic.LMAO.

It’s not about why he forbade you, girl. It’s about why you want to follow his orders when he couldn’t even give a plausible explanation. You have your freedom to converse with anyone you want and he has no right to control you.

He probably had a history with the girl/neighbors. If he can’t trust you enough to be honest with you and tell you the truth then obviously there’s something fishy behind the matter. Next time you see the girl you should try to chat with her, and perhaps telling her about your boyfriend’s weird action and ask her if she might know something.

You should speak to whom you’d like, whenever you like. The fact that your partner tries to prevent you from saying “hello” to a neighbor is weird and somewhat controlling at best and suspicious at worst.

I know this sounds like too much for the little details I provided since you don’t know how our relationship is, but deep down inside do you guys think that he f***ed with her and cheated on me, or that perhaps she has seen what he has been up to,if he brought someone that was not me while I was out of the country and maybe since I know her she might tell me what she saw!! I don’t want to be the Fool and I love all of you guys real and honest opinions.

Did you mention you were friends and maybe he misunderstood the look he got? Even if he didn’t cheat I would hesitate to be in a relationship where he wants to control who you know.
It’s possible it just is that he got a really nasty look or if they are from different races, that something was said. There is a woman down my block that I once chatted with and she seemed very nice until the most racist view popped out of her mouth. And she thought I would be understanding because I was being viewed as one of the better ones of that race. Although she wasn’t nasty to me personally, I thought her ignorant enough to avoid for an eternity.
It is possible he said something to them and that maybe he doesn’t want to admit that he started something.
If I were you, I would tell him that the look may have been a misunderstanding. Some people just have resting b_tch face, or maybe they were annoyed because they planned on using the spot he parked in for a visitor that was on the way.

Tell him that you hope to broker a peace between them. If he is still against that, then he isn’t being totally truthful and has cheated on you with her or someone else that they may have seen or at the very least wants to control who you know. Or he’s worried you will find out that he is a douche neighbor who may be prejudice or thinks he’s better than his poor neighbors.

My husband cousin who dated a woman who was a douche neighbor. I think they had a block party when she moved. She always gave dirty looks and called the cops for every little thing they did. She called if she heard a dog barking during the day. She called if they had company and the company parked too close to her driveway, or if the kids were outside playing and making noise too early in the morning. Boy did she hate kids. She always had a sour resting b-tch face to match her horrible personality.

@pami16

If he didn’t cheat on you with her, then maybe he doesn’t want you to say hi because he’s thinking of doing it, or likes her, or is wanting to cheat?

Is he really worth it to be thinking so much about this and causing you grief ?

Is he the one you want to marry and spend your entire life with?

Is he the man you really want to be the father of your children?

Your heart, mind, body, soul, vagina is extremely precious…. I wouldn’t give it to a man whom you have to worry about.

@pami16

My honest and real opinion is that if you have to worry so much about this, it is not worth it.

Honestly look. It is causing you so much more pain, wondering , thinking, what if ??? To me, if it were me, I wouldn’t even bother guessing about this bullcrap. Because it is beneath me, and it should be beneath you too.

Because you are too busy with your own life, your own dreams, friends, family, happiness to be dealing with nonsense….. Wondering if you are worthy enough for him to NOT cheat on you….......

If it were me and I was worrying so much, I would let them have each other. Move on to a better guy whom you know & trust in your heart would be faithful to you….......

Just my opinion.

@Pandora Yeah I got you!,My has a different idiosyncrasy, And I forgot to mention she is not my friend, I just know this girl from the gym we say hi, talk 2 or 3 things and thats it, and a few month back I discovered she live in front of my bf apt.and I was surprised, then one day she said hi to me and I asked her if she lived there and said yes.and my bf saw me talking to her and asked me oh you know her, I was like yeah we go to the same gym’’ I feel dumb for telling him it would have been better to not say a thing, that way She could have gossiped me stuff and he would not know. but know perhaps his guard is up. I mean she lives crossing the street from his house,if there is someone who knows who he brings or what he does behind my back is her.

Do you plan on marrying this guy?

@FlutherBug possibly yeah, we don’t have plans for right now,but in the future perhaps, if shit don’t splatter everywhere LOL..

@Unofficial_Member @CWOTUS I feel as if (’’maybe I am wrong’’) that he has something perhaps to hide that she knows or has seen and he doesn’t want her to tell me cause he is afraid, in less words he is f up. cause in any moment I can try and contact her and ask her.

Honestly I feel some weird shit and I can’t get it out of my head, when he was closing the entry to his apt I felt as if he was trying to distract me from even looking towards her. when he was trying to close the main door to the building the lock fell down he said wait for me and grab my computer case,I sensed nervousness not in a very direct way,but since I do know how he is, his Behaviour was odd there. then we I was about to get in the car i was going to go behind the car to get in the front seat and he told me to go thru the front since the floor was wet and dirty, and the GIRL was more close the other way around. and then when we got in the car he had to do Reverse to ge out of that closed street and I saw him stare back at her and I told him ’’stop staring at her thats rude’’ and he said ’’ well I have to look back to reverse’’. Lol this sounds like a movie. anyways I need to do something fast before its too late.

I was only halfway joking when I suggested that you invite her to dinner.

If you “sort of” know her, and you have any nagging suspicions, doubts or wondering about your boyfriend, then you should absolutely befriend her. That way – if you become friends – she is more likely to let on to you if there is any history between the two of them that you need to be aware of before you make a deeper commitment.

But I wasn’t joking even a little bit when I suggested that you ignore his unreasonable demands. (If he’s telling you information about the car in order to improve your experience and comfort, then that’s one thing, but if he tells you “don’t look at her, don’t smile at her, don’t talk to her”, that’s unreasonable control. We’ve had a lot of discussions in this forum before about (mostly) young women with overly-controlling boyfriends and husbands, and from where you are now to where you will be in a few years if you let this kind of thing continue unchecked … it’s easier to nip this thing in the bud and stop it before it gets a chance to start than it is to recover from it years later.

@pami16: Maybe I missed it above, but did you say this is the guy you had suspicions about with his sexuality and other things?

@pami16 the last 2 posts of @FlutherBug and the last post from @CWOTUS

Maybe he did not want that neighbor in his business?
If one feels paranoid with their partner then he is the wrong person and you have become territorial and possessive towards the relationship..all not good signs for a trustful relationship built on honesty and truthfulness. A loving relationship is being close enough to want each others happiness in the relationship or out.
Also be careful of partners whom try to keep their mates in line by suggesting another is in the wings waiting?
Take some time away from him and see if HE wants to be with you.

@pami16 @Inspired_2write
To quote @Inspired_2write “If one feels paranoid with their partner then he is the wrong person and you have become territorial and possessive towards the relationship”
How about:
If he feels paranoid with your neighbourly relationship with the woman, then he is probably the wrong person because he has become territorial and possessive towards you
And the other thing:“Maybe he didn’t want anybody in his business” is an excuse, for acting possesive toward a person.

@Inspired_2write: Even if he wants to be with @pami16 after she takes some time away from him, would it necessarily mean he would have changed?

@flo I still have not been able to reach this girl, the other days I was going to say hi, but then she walked back to her house and closed the door.since she was cleaning and we left in the car. my bf took me back home.

And now even worse I had this accident and I have to stay home for a couple of days. Ughh will I ever know.

@pami16: You didn’t answer my question above.

@jca I sended you a private message read it.

@pami16
If she takes the time away from him..she will change, not necessarily him.