My boyfriend is always playing on his phone, what should I do?

Find ways to not spend time with him When he asks why, lay it on him!

Next time he does it ask him if he wants you to leave. If he says yes, leave, and don’t call or text him.

If he says no, then tell him to put the phone away and be present. If he does that, great. If not, leave, and don’t call or text him.

I know you are both teens, but that is no excuse. Better he learn now than a few months down the road that he needs to be present for you.

I now begin every in-person discussion with someone by setting down ground rules: namely, that they are not to answer their cellphone, check their cellphone, send texts, receive texts, or otherwise interact with their electronic devices. They’re either talking to me or they’re doing something else. Not both. If someone breaks that rule, they get one chance and I remind them of their agreement. The second time, I just leave.

You need to start doing the same. Make it clear that he’s either interacting with you, or with his phone. And he can’t fuck his phone. (Yet. They’re working on it.)

You should read Neil Postman’s Amusing Ourselves to Death. He predicted all of this, and that it’s only going to get worse. The book has become required reading in any post-secondary mass communications course.

Tell him you are tired of his goofy phone obsession. I wouldn’t try to sweeten it up. When yall are together he should turn off his phone. It’s rude to fool with your damn gadget when you are supposedly being company to someone. I hate the damn things and how stupid people are about them. What do you do with yours when yall are on dates?

This thread reminded me that I had been expecting a call that hadn’t come in yet, so I had to make it myself. So, where was I?

I make allowances for people who lead busy lives and can’t be completely cut off to take “some” phone calls and respond to “some” texts from time to time, depending on the relationship that we have, the responsibilities that they have, and so forth. However, when you’re making an effort to be with your boyfriend and he disappears into a game (and especially a game with someone else who’s not even present), then that is beyond the pale. He is taking you for granted. Trying to establish ground rules or the normal give and take that I described above (because sometimes it is I who “just has to take the call”, though that’s pretty infrequent), just won’t work at this point. It’s going to be seen as nagging or an attempt to control him – which is what it would probably devolve to.

My advice to someone in your shoes is to “be less available”. Don’t make it some kind of cause, or make loud and frequent complaints, because you’d be complaining about a habit of his that seems to have become a character trait. It will be up to him – or “it should be up to him” – to go back to “wooing mode”, when he was first trying to attract your attention or to date you or otherwise bind you to him and he did not treat you dismissively at all. One hopes.

So, very plainly, you have to be dismissive toward him – but not in the same way. (For you to do the same thing to him – the exact same thing, that is – would kill the relationship. Which is fine if it doesn’t mean that much to you, except that you would be “together, but never with each other”, which sounds more like a horror story – or a tale of a 50-year marriage between spouses who have grown to hate each other, but won’t divorce – and who wants that?)

Don’t be available when he calls. Have other interests, other plans, other people to see and things to do, and make him “win” you again. And at that time, when he’s in the mode that you prefer and acting to win and to keep your attention, thank him for his attention, tell him how much it means to you – and drop him like a hot rock if he starts to revert to his current behavior.

PS: Welcome to Fluther. See, after I started – when I had my phone call out of the way, that is – see how attentive I was? Didn’t leave once, I didn’t.

Next time he asks you to hang out, ask him if he wants to play games or if he wants to do something. I’d tell him that you have something else to do and if he wants to play games, that’s ok, too, you’ll be doing other stuff.

When you see him, if he starts playing games, give him a time limit in your head. When the time’s up, tell him you have to go. Leave and like @zenvelo said, don’t answer your phone or text.

Maybe he’s addicted and would rather play games then to be with you, who knows. If you leave and he chooses the games, there’s your answer.

Try this:
Next time he is on the phone…call him or text him .
Say if you don’t want to spend time with me just say so, and I will leave you.
works every
time.

@jca He’s playing games and you’re telling her to play games too. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. All that keep the time in your head. I would say straight up that the playing with the phone when we are together is causing a problem.

@jca If he won’t spend the time to look up at her, that is a sure fire way to get his attention.
ask him to talk with you .