Worried he still has feelings for his ex?

Snooping into his Facebook on the first date?

Dude. That’s not cool.

Bottom line, you are the rebound girl and while casually dating 6 weeks out of a 3 yr. relationship may be fine, you shouldn’t think this might be a serious LT relationship.
The odds are not in your favor. People break up for a lot of reasons and only he knows what his feelings are. This isn’t about him, it’s about you.

You need to decide if you’re willing to take a chance as rebound girl or if it is in your best interest to put him in the friend zone and look for someone who isn’t on the rebound. It seems like because of your suspicions and snooping that this is going to be an issue for you. Either enjoy the fling without expectations or move on and find someone that isn’t on the rebound.

They’ve been together for three years and broke up 6 weeks ago. Of course he still may have feelings for her. I wouldn’t expect much if I were you.

Also, as @Seek mentioned: you look into his facebook on the first date? Really? You did say you’ve known each other for a long time, but you don’t check someone’s personal messages and social networks. Just no.

To quote a Nobel laureate: “you ain’t going nowhere.”

This ain’t gonna fly. Time to realize it now, smile, and start looking elsewhere.

Welcome to Fluther.

If I were you – aside from the Facebook snooping (and it’s one thing to look at a message that pops up on the screen; it’s another thing entirely to scroll up through weeks’ worth of conversations), and aside from getting together with a guy who you know is just a few weeks out of a fairly long-term relationship – would you feel better if you knew that six weeks after a breakup he had zero feeling for that other woman? Would you be happier to know that he can just turn it off like that? I don’t think that would give me the warm fuzzies.

But hey, I don’t know him as well as you seem to now that you’ve looked rifled through his mail.

All the above stuff is fairly valid…

That being said, I’m a little more subtle in my decision making process.

My solution to what to do in this situation, if it were me, would be to casually ask him about the ex-girlfriend and his talking to her. Mention that you saw the conversation pop up while he was in the kitchen and it’s been on your mind since then. Tell him that it’s okay, if he still has feelings for her and gently probe for information regarding how he actually feels. Use his reaction to this to decide how you are going to react.

For example, if he said something that you know to be untrue like, “Yeah, I don’t know why she messages me. lol” Ya know… Something utterly bullshit… Then move along and be happy you’re not tied to his lying ass.

If he says something more reasonable… Well at that point, the ball’s still in your court and depending on how you feel about the answer you get to make decisions about how to proceed.

The real bottom line in this situation is that what you decide to do is entirely up to you… But if it were me, I’d go on an information gathering hunt before reacting… And do so in a way that wouldn’t rouse suspicion or put him on the defensive.

Also. To reiterate… Facebook snooping is bad. Don’t do it. If you hadn’t read the messages, you probably would have already simply asked him about the thing and had an answer. But now that you’ve already looked, it makes even more sense to ask… Since now you’ll be able to tell if what he’s telling you agrees with the facts of what you read them saying to each other.

Best of luck!

@CWOTUS: Based on the details provided, I’d assumed that the loss of feelings for the ex happened gradually and culminated in them breaking up… Which implies that at the time when he finally broke it off with her they were already 0. So it’s not as if (assuming I’m interpreting the post correctly) he simply turned his feelings toward her off one day and broke it off.

As some one them commented above, you might be his rebound (or, may not be one). Most of the relationships I’ve observed took at least a minimum of 3 months for one of them to get over the relationship after their breakup. It took me 6 months. We you breakup, your heart yearns for empathy, comfort, and companionship. Even the slightest sign that your friend or some stranger is feeling sorry for you and is ready to listen to your hurt and pain, you’ll begin to lean onto them completely. This is what happens in most of the rebounds.

There are very good reasons why someone shouldn’t be getting into a rebound relationship. One of them is you begin to use another human being to make you feel better in time of trouble, and that doesn’t always go down well.

My suggestion would be to take things slowly for a time, and when you are confident that he’s over his past relationship, you may want to proceed further. Also, there’s a false notion that a guy/ girl would stick to us if we are physically intimate with each other. In most cases I’ve observed personally, they’ve ended up not trusting each other.