Why are emotions uncontrollable?

Whose emotions are uncontrollable? If you can’t control your emotions, you’re in big trouble and will have a difficult life.

What you can’t do is deny the existence of your emotions. They exist and just like the existence of your appendages—which you agree you can also control—you cannot deny their existence either. Be happy you do have emotions that allow you to feel the impact of the world around you.

There people who are either born without the capacity to feel joy or sadness, or circumstances in their lives have caused them to go numb and that is tragic, because their lives do not have the richness and fullness that emotions provide..

There are also people who lack impulse control either congenitally, through poor parenting or they’ve damaged that part of the brain that enables impulse control through long-term substance abuse and their lives are more difficult as well.

Emotions are not uncontrollable. It’s just that we don’t typically expect people to be able to control their emotions as well as we expect them to be able to control their hands. And since we don’t expect it, we don’t teach it. Expectations matter when it comes to learning.

I’ll try to give a neurological point of view after I’ve slept a bit. Bad night sleep here.

I think the OP could use a few hours as well.

yes, our amygdala has a lot to answer for.

Some people are better than others at controlling their emotions. If you can reframe a situation in your mind you can attempt to control your emotions.

If you watch an actor in a scene, they attempt to put themselves in the emotional state of the character. This can be done in real life to some extent. You can fake it til you make it, and sometimes, over time, the fake becomes real.

I think grief is one of the hardest. Going through the stages of grief is probably not a great idea to bypass. I’m not sure the current thinking on it.

I know when my thyroid problem isn’t medicated correctly I’m am way more out of control with my emotions. Hormones make it harder.

Feelings need to be processed. One deals with it in a healthy manner, or in a not healthy manner. But the body wants it addressed.

Maturity is learning to process feelings and express emotions without harming others. So, we learn to control our voices when angry. We temper our expression of love to be appropriate.

I’m convinced that they’re not, but I sure as hell haven’t learned the secret to doing it yet.

We feel our feelings, there is absolutely no doubt there. Humans have developed a very large amygdala and some research seems to reveal that this is where our brain’s emotion storehouse is. There was always thought that controlling it wasn’t something we did, but we used our higher functions, in our frontal lobes, to process our feelings. But we know better now.

Some drugs, chronic alcohol use and poor sleep have all been shown to have extreme affects on the part of our brain where our emotions are centered. Our bodies also produce drugs naturally (hormones from sex organs and others that are part of the endocrine system) that affect this part of our brain and to some extent, we can train ourselves or take drugs that help reduce their affect. Beta Blockers for simple example.

We developed these large emotional centers for a reason and we are in good company in the animal kingdom. We are social creatures and we care and cooperate and nurture. You can thank your emotionally developed brain for that.
Feeling feels isn’t bad. It’s everything that is good about us in many ways. But, in the end, it is what we choose to do with those feelings using our reasoning part of our brain that make us who we really are.

Well, like I tell my husband ‘You know, you don’t HAVE to get mad. There are a lot of other emotions to choose from but you CHOOSE anger.’
No one can make you angry. You choose to get angry.

@Dutchess_III Um… No….. angry is an emotion. Situations can make a person angry. It is what we do with that anger….... that’s the choice…. so…. try again.

We can train our selves out of knee jerk, emotional reactions. My husband has. He’s chilled a lot.

@cazzie is right I think. Eloquently. I can’t choose weather something makes me feel a certain emotion. I can only choose my reaction. Well said .

Controlling your emotions is pretty hard though.

I had two of my guys fired the other day because they got in a big fight while on the clock. They fought several people that they had a personal /outside of work issue with. It was a disaster. We almost lost the account over it.

I usually do well in the anger check area. But after losing all my stuff again after the hurricane, I found my anger trying to run me the last couple nights I’ve worked.

I haven’t hurt anyone. But my temperament has been off. I’m very sad, and angry that my stuff is gone again. It’s taken all I have to be professional the latest two nights.

I guess it’s normal to FEEL emotions, but harder to control my reaction to said emotion.

Hmm….

@MrGrimm888 I can chat after work my time, but the time zones are different. I’ve been told I’m good to talk to. Let me know. Tomorrow is Sunday, so I’m pretty free. I’m just an old lady with some life experience, but maybe I can help.

When my kids were little I found myself getting angry all to often. Then a counselor friend told that it was a choice I was making. I realized she was right and things changed from that moment.
I’m not saying getting angry is always wrong. It’s not. But when you react to every annoyance with anger it’s a problem. It’s also learned behaviour.

@MrGrimm888 That is classic PTSD. Look into it on the net. I suggest sites like the Mayo Clinic. There are things you can do yourself to reduce the symptoms and quicken recovery. Everyone who has lived any kind of life suffers at one time an another from PTSD to varying degrees. Check it out and take care of yourself, buddy. You’re a good guy.

@MrGrimm888 think about talking to a counselor. I think within a few sessions you will feel better. Another options is some Xanax as needed for a couple of weeks, just to take the edge off when you feel out of control, if you want to bother to actually see a doctor. I usually avoid doctors myself. Obviously, if you have any troubles with addiction don’t go the Xanax route.

It’s understandable that your temper and emotions are on edge, I’ve been the same lately. Too much loss, disappointments, and change to deal with.

Also, I remember you said you work in bars. If you take any sort of testosterone or steroids, lay off the stuff. Higher T can make it more difficult to control anger.

Anger often comes from things falling below expectations. You have an idea how things should be, or how people _should_act. Adjusting expectations can sometimes help.

Sorry to hear you lost much in the hurricane, @MrGrimm888 .

@olivier5 . I’m good bro. Just sucks.

My friends / family already gave enough stuff to sleep on, and helped me clean the water and debris out of my home.

You know sometimes you feel cursed.

Then your family and friends (same) get your back and help you. I never even asked for help. They just helped my clean up and reset.

I’m not wealthy. Probably won’t ever be.

But if I get the support I get from my friends, flutherites , and family that I’ve received lately, I’m the richest man on Earth.

THANK YOU ALL. SO MUCH.

@cazzie . Special thanks for your ear. I might take you up one day.

FYI , if someone here called you “just an old lady,” they would be incorrect. But I appreciate your humbleness. I don’t deserve it.

I did get into some physical situations Saturday night, but I don’t think it was me being a jerk. My staff said I didn’t do anything wrong. I always ask after I have such a night. We self evaluate often .

Most blamed our full moon.

I’m gonna start a thread about that.

I was crying when I wrote this, thanks again everyone.

@MrGrimm888 It’s gona be okay. You just need a week or two to get back on your feet, with some help from your friends. I wish i could help too.

Seriously, I know your timezone and if you want to talk I’m available your mid-late morning.

((((Hugs))) @MrGrimm888.