In memory of gailcalled, tell me what you are going to do with your one wild and precious life?

Two answers: In memory of Gailcalled, when I garden or enjoy the New England fall or a walk in the woods, I often think of her.
My one wild and precious life? I’ll keep winging it, with an emphasis on quiet joy and loved ones. GQ, Little Penguin.

The best way to honor Gail is to do the things she loved. We both loved country living, nature, cats and gardening. I have enjoyed the wild side of life and now I am content to just be, in peace, and appreciate the simple pleasures.

To be the best husband to Mrs Squeeky I possibly can be and enjoy our time together on this rock called earth.

Every time I look up at the stars I think of Gail. I think of her often and think of things I wish I could tell her. To honor her, I just keep living the best I can.

Gail quoted that line to me several times after my marriage ended. The answer is I paint, I have become a Unitarian, I have taken charge of my finances, and I try have as much joy in my life as possible.

Would you share the poem, @janbb?

http://andreas.com/poems/

If the link works right, it should be the first poem. Otherwise, Google “The Summer Day” by Mary Oliver.

Not easy. I suffer bipolar and have severe depression at the moment. However, I think of this often. This summer I was in the garden clearing away leaves and stuff, each time I’d think of her.
When I was addicted to fluther, she’d often say things like ‘Go out and live life’, or tell people what she had done that morning. Which, often included chatting to a neighbor, clearing away something (snow) leaves, whatever.

I miss her so much. It’s crazy how someone you have never met, put things into perspective so much.

I often want to send her a message saying I miss her. I can’t believe it’s a year.

I’ve pretty much done it. I’ve picked out the things I’ve done that I enjoy doing best and do them. I don’t see a lot of new things over the horizon that I could get excited about.

It looks like I’m destined to spend my life as an agoraphobic hermit with crippling depression and anxiety.

Well that was uplifting.~

@AnonymousAccount8 Have you heard about self fulfilling prophecies?
I hope you find a way to heal yourself.

yes, @Coloma, I know what a self fulfilling prophecy is.

I’m working on improving my writing skills and remembering to react with kindness first. I think the first part is going better than the second.

@AnonymousAccount8 i hope you find a way to heal.

@janbb thanks. It is ever the uphill battle.

I understand that.

I took yesterday off from work. I awoke quite refreshed, but then I scrolled through the Internet and saw The Donald’s face everywhere and got anxious. My meditation didn’t really help, and I was generally irritated at the world, so I took the day off. I am very glad I did. I was able to get a last minute appointment to see my therapist, and it helped a great deal to hear myself give voice to my feelings.

In my session, I was able to talk about my life’s greatest challenge: releasing my control issues.

I have overcome much in this life. I grew up gay in a small Oklahoma town where I was abused by family and others. I overcame active alcoholism and have been sober for 17 years now. I survived coming out and the resultant divorce from a woman. I was diagnosed with a mental illness and lost a very high-paying job. I have since healed with the help of daily medication and meditation, exercise, sleep, and therapy. I have hope once more.

Through it all, I have struggled with a seemingly innate need to control. My stomach tells me I need to control the variables of situations in my life in order to make sure I get the outcome I desire. My head knows this is impossible, but my stomach tells me it’s so by churning and churning. My head knows that all I can control is where I step next. I can only put one foot in front of another, one at a time. I cannot control farther than one step at a time. My head knows this, but my stomach is unhappy not knowing where the steps will lead me in a mile. I want to know the outcome, because I have the mistaken belief that I have to have certain things to be happy and avoid pain. The reality is that I have survived enormous pain, and I can survive more, if it comes.

With this one wild precious life, I am becoming more fully me.

***

@AnonymousAccount8 Healing is possible. I did it. I did it through using medication, which I take daily, through meditation (I sit still and go to my happy place in my mind), through exercise, through sleep, and through therapy. Those are the things which have worked for me. I don’t know what’s going to work for you, but I encourage you to reach out to your doctor to start the healing. While you wait to talk to someone you trust about your difficulties, do one nice thing for yourself. That one nice thing might be ice cream or it might be a movie or it might be sitting in a park or it might be washing the dishes. You get to decide what that one nice thing is. Do it for yourself. Be selfish about it. You deserve it. Do it.

***

@janbb, thank you. @Gail, thank you.

@Hawaii_Jake Yep, that is the purpose of life, to become as much of our true selves as we can. :-)

What if you don’ t know who your true self is?

The journey is all about finding out.

Life is about whittling away who or what isn’t you. It’s a continual process.

I think…housework isn’t me.

This made me remember how I enjoyed reading The One and Magic Life by Ann George. I think the wild that may have ever been inside me has found its way out. I live quietly and happily in the presence of my few family and friends. I’m in a very nice place.

@MollyMcGuire That’s lovely.

I was thinking yesterday that one of my current goals is to try to remove as much distorted thinking from my mind as possible – that is to live without delusions and illusions. Not easy.