Does it help you when someone else has been through something similar?

Only if they have a better solution than I do. Otherwise, I never believed misery loves company. Another miserable person just doubles the misery in my book. I’d rather be miserable alone if they have on better solution.

@Espiritus_Corvus The people I described in the situation above were not miserable. They already had come out the other side. That was part of what helped in that particular case. Some people wanted me to snap out of it, those who had similar stories gave me realistic expectations for how much time it might take to work through it, and that it does get better.

I don’t like being around people who are constantly negative and depressed and in a constant state of life is horrible either. I’m talking about specific situations. Not an overall negativity.

It helps some people, I suppose, just not me. I prefer to get things right by myself.

It depends on the thing, of course, context is everything. In some cases, it has helped me immensely, knowing that I am not alone, that I’m not crazy, that I’ll get over it.
In other things, like @Espiritus_Corvus, I just want to do the work and move on.

If you share your experience and want to do the work alone, then why not keep it all to yourself to begin with? You just want to vent? Do you want people to say or show any form of sympathy?

It helps me immensely. The company I’m at now is all about patient-centric healthcare, and it appeals so much to patients that I’d say 50%+ of our employees are themselves patients. Last month I learned out of the blue that one of my favorite coworkers also has IBD (UC). It was awesome. We went for a walk and chatted about our respective stories. I found myself saying, “Not that I’m happy you’re on this miserable train with me, but It’s so good to talk to someone else who has it.”

The phenomenon of “misery loving company” probably comes from our need to see that we’re not lunatics; if something in our lifestyle caused this situation, then at least it must be something fairly reasonable that other people do too, otherwise I’d be the only one who has it.

The one thing I’ve learned though is to never go into the conversation expecting the person to have the same story, attitudes, or reactions to anything. As much as I’m always ready to draw conclusions about Crohn’s disease in general from my own observations of my own body, I always am shocked to hear just how different somebody else’s experiences with the same disease have been. Sometimes it makes me feel like we’re not in the same boat at all.

@JLeslie, if your comment was directed at me, please reread my post. I said ”It depends on the thing, of course, context is everything. In some cases, it has helped me immensely, knowing that I am not alone, that I’m not crazy, that I’ll get over it.
In other things, like @Espiritus_Corvus, I just want to do the work and move on.”

ETA, just in case you need more clarification, different and separate situations call for different and separate reactions/responses.

Sharing experience strength and hope is a well regarded therapeutic method.

Where it gets unproductive is when the person who “has been there” devalues the other persons experience as “not that bad, I had it worse.” Or, “it will make you stronger”, which invalidates people who are depressed or suicidal.

@canidmajor Not directed at you, or anyone specifically. Just another question adding on to the Q. If jellies new to the Q, or ones who already posted, read through the answers hopefully they will address it.

When I went through an early-term miscarriage this month, it was very helpful to have a friend who had been through it herself to talk to. She was able to compare and contrast her experience with mine, which was not only emotionally therapeutic, but also helped ease my mind about my own health while going through the process.

Many issues of women’s health are divisive, politically, which leads to such topics being spoken about in the abstract normal, and speaking personally taboo.

No one blinks an eye when you say, “I have the flu”, but “I just lost a pregnancy” isn’t something you can just say because even though it’s a normal instance and it’s believed that more women have them than not, no one ever talks about it. As a result we have eight billion folk cures for feeling better then you have the flu, and a person having a miscarriage is basically left with a doctor who just realised they’re not getting a birth fee and are ready to move on to the next patient.

So, yeah, I’m glad there was someone to talk with me about it.

I think it helps too. It makes me feel like I can relate to that person, like we have something in common.

Yes.