Were you a popular kid back in school?

Nope, and nope next question.

Sort of. I was somewhat popular in middle school. Mostly it was vicarious; I was friends with really outgoing popular people and through them I became more well-known and well-liked. I also think the fact that I was very tiny and adorable (ahem) had something to do with it. I was like this shortest kid in my class every year of middle school, yet most people found it endearing rather than something to tease me about. That said, I was not popular in a traditional “jock” sense (in fact I was a bit nerdy in some ways), so it was kind of a weird unexpected thing looking back on it. (I wonder if I had been openly gay in middle school if things would have been the same. Somehow I doubt it).

In high school my group of friends switched around a bit, and the “popular” group became more jock-like and ditzy and these were no longer the people I associated with the most.

Despite what all the movies and TV shows about adolescence show, I never remember anyone talking about people being “popular” or envying them outside of one instance in middle school where a girl in my group of friends was called “popular” by another girl and she took it as a big insult and said to her: “I’m. Not. Popular.”

Yeah.. they’re too far away from reality.

No. All my life I’ve believed my feelings of inferiority and “outsiderness” throughout junior and high school began around the fourth or fifth grade when I switched elementary schools.

At some schools somewhat at others not so much.

I was in the vast middle group – not the popular crowd but not an outsider, with enough friends to feel comfortable and have a good time. I was in the drama club group but with other girlfriends as well. I didn’t envy the popular kids because they weren’t as smart but I did envy their expensive clothes at times.

In elementary school, I was bullied.
In middle school, I was ignored.
In high school, I gained more confidence.
In college, I made real friends.
In graduate school, I rocked that joint.

It was a real slow burn.

And no, I never envied the popular kids. They always seemed so hollow.

No, I was almost universally disliked. Almost. The teachers liked me, and I could usually find some band of rejects to eat lunch with. When I couldn’t I’d spend spare school time in the library.

I didn’t envy the populars because to my experience they were a bunch of uppity assholes. I had much more interesting things to do than worry about whether my cap-sleeved Hollister shirt was showing off my navel ring well enough.

When I was in high school (late 70’s, early 80’s), the popular girls were thin, wore designer jeans (Sassoon, Jordache, Gloria Vanderbilt) with high heels. I had glasses and braces which did not help my appearance. I was more jeans and flannel shirts and occasionally the “new wave” look (black and white stuff, leather, Joe Jackson shoes) which was a popular look too but not chic enough to hang with the really popular ones. I had friends who, today would be considered nerds.

I wasn’t exactly popular; I was the smartass loudmouth.

In primary and highschool, I didn’t fight with anyone, but I had the rep of being kinda weird and a bit annoying. I wasn’t particularly close with anyone except one or two people.

Here in college, I don’ t hang out with others much, and I’m not as loud as I was. I just mind my own business.

And no, I never envied the popular kids.

I wonder if the popular kids even know that they’re the popular kids? You never see someone admit to being a Popular.

This is one of two images of me that appear in my high school yearbook. It was with the Drama club. They made me take my bracers and cloak off for the picture, but I had gone to school in my LARP costume that day.

This is my senior portrait. Tried to get them to leave it out, but the yearbook class teacher insisted. So, snarky Bible verse it was.

I can smile about this now—sorta—but I got teased a lot when I was in junior and especially senior high—late ‘50s, early ‘60s—for always seeming to be one “fashion” cycle behind. For example, when kids were wearing their jeans cuffs rolled up on the inside, I was still wearing them rolled up on the outside. Then when they started wearing them cut to exact length, I was still wearing them rolled up. And when jeans HAD TO BE faded, mine were dark blue—of course—or faded in the “wrong way.”.

And then there was the damned hair thing. When Elvis was Lord God and “hoods” ruled the landscape, I couldn’t comb ducktails because my hair was too curly. Nor could I wear a flattop for the same reason. I HATED my Jewish hair. It was so “other.”

And as for @Seek‘s comment about whether popular kids knew they were popular, I had an amazing revelation talking to a girl (by then in her 30s) at one of my high school reunions whom I thought had been sooo popular—cheerleader, queen of this, president of that etc. etc. She told me she never felt popular, in fact always worried about fitting in. We dated for a while after that and I thought she was boring as hell.

No.

I wasn’t popular but then I wasn’t unpopular either. I had my circle of friends and I was content with that. When someone criticised me for wearing the wrong sort of shoes (winkle pickers were in fashion then) I thought the guy was nuts and I still do.

@flutherother A popular girl pointed out to me that I was wearing a brown hair ribbon with a blue dress. I thought she was nuts.

Hahahha….no. I deserved it though. In hindsight I was a pretty miserable person to be around for a lot of my life. Maybe I still am and won’t know it till later.

I wasn’t a loner though. I found my people. In high school it was the band geeks, and that was fun. In college it was the programming geeks, and that was fun too.

@Mariah I think we could’ve been friends in high school—you always seemed cool back in the AIROW days ;)

In college all my friends were stoners and science majors (while I was studying linguistics). Luckily in college “popularity” isn’t even really a thing, at least not the high school-esque variety.

I guess I’ve always been innocuous and I present, generally, as likeable enough to get by. I’ve also been perpetually the fifth wheel. Even in my closest friendships, the other person has had someone closer. And I guess I’m used to that. I don’t expect to have someone’s full attention, and when I do I feel fairly unnerved. Middle school did a number on me—one girl decided I wasn’t so innocuous and likeable-at-a-distance, and everyone that I had for years considered friends no longer even that, and I realized that although I often felt lonely as the fifth wheel, being the “spare” was infinitely better than being, suddenly, dispensable. High school I was in an unfamiliar school environment where I knew almost no one, eighth grade still seared in my mind, and I had a hard time even trying to make friends. I also found myself in the too-familiar position of liking certain people who were all already in separate groups—my being once again the extra, flitting between people—and add to that my growing insecurities and mood issues, I gave up. I stopped trying. I stopped talking to the people I wanted to be friends with and found groups of students I could hang around without caring much about them—which was as much of a relief as it was emotionally exhausting, and it was also a pretty cold thing for me to do. Except for one ridiculous incident that lost me a could-be friend, I was innocuous and generally well liked even if fairly unknown. Then I was in a different high school program that made it easy for me to duck contact with people for much of the day, and then I was in college in a sea of yet more strangers as peers. Towards the end I started making more connections with the people I had been with for three years, but most of the connections were strained, and ones that weren’t I’ve had a hard time keeping up with now that I’m away, and although I’m sad about that, the distance is familiar.

^^ In a way that’s my story too. I have been part of many groups but always felt like an outsider trying to fit in. Other people in the group kept in touch after completing school / college except me. I always wondered why as I wasn’t that boring person to be in touch with. But it has happened with me so many times that I have got used to it.

I was and I loved school. To me school was all about fun, making friends and having a blast. The best days of my life.

I was in a galaxy all on my own in high school, so no, I was not popular.