Can we please stop congratulating pregnant women who weren't trying to get pregnant?

Uh…what exactly are you supposed to say? “You’re an idiot for getting pregnant!”?

It’s just being polite, come on.

That’s a sweeping generalization. And even if they didn’t plan on it maybe they are happy about it anyway.

I never congratulate anyone for being pregnant anyway. I just say that’s nice and ask if they are happy about it.

Could we please see just one pregnancy test advert where the couple is devastated by a positive result?

Pregnant women don’t tend to walk around wearing a tee shirt that says ‘This was an accident!’ so how are people supposed to judge whether a pregnancy was planned or not? However, if a person has chosen to go ahead with that pregnancy one can hope they want to keep their child. Their pregnancy may not have been a planned event, but it doesn’t mean it’s something they’re horrified about. If they don’t plan to keep the child, I doubt they’re advertising their pregnancy.

If someone tells me they’re pregnant, I will observe how they tell me and depending on their tone and body language I may qualify my congratulations with something like ‘are we happy about this?’.

Only very close friends are likely to be familiar enough with a particular woman’s feelings on pregnancy to know that saying “Congratulations!” isn’t an applicable response.

You could try, “Wow! Knocked up huh?”

Frankly—and don’t holler at me, mothers—I don’t quite understand why a pregnant woman needs to be congratulated at all. Simply wishing her health for the baby and herself and seems to me more appropriate.

It’s just one of those things people say, like “bless you” when you sneeze.

Because it’s polite and kind, and is a wish that they will have a happy life and a healthy baby.

Unless the mother comes out and tells you that she is unhappy that she is having a baby, and then you can tell her how sorry you are and ask her if there is anything you can do to help, she is probably happy that she is having a baby (whether or not it was planned or not) and congratulations are in order.

Newsflash, we don’t live in the Victorian age.

What “we” are you referring to? I love @cookieman answer.

The first thing to stop is the traditional culture that pregnancy is expected of women and that the more children you have the happier you are.

I can easily think that some women who live exclusively under their husbands’ wings in patriachal society might got pregnant against their willingness. Regarless, I believe whether or not a woman is happy about her pregnancy her maternal instinct will eventually kick in when she delivered the child, thus any prior felicitations given to her will finally be appreciated by her.

A T-shirt that reads “I’m finally having one. Now shut up Mom.” might be useful.

Unrelated: I did see a woman in NYC wearing a shirt that read “His Loss.” once.

@Pachy My husband and I tried for THREE YEARS before I finally got pregnant! We deserved all the congratulations we could get!

As for the question, if a person doesn’t want the baby, they aren’t likely to go around telling the world how pregnant they are. If they do, it’s an indication that they’re happy, and congratulations or best wishes is in order.

Also, where in the world are you from where NO WOMEN ever gets pregnant on purpose?

I’m from the bottom third. Do you really think poor people get pregnant on purpose? How about women under 25? How about women who don’t need more kids? How about teenagers? How about women in shitty relationships? I can go on forever. Face it, congratulations aren’t warranted, stop acting like you covet their position.

@Dutchess_III, belated congratulations—I take your point.

I was 21 when I got pregnant on purpose.

Why would someone tell us they’re pregnant in the first place @rem1981?

Why, thank you @Pachy! When we decided to go for #2 we thought we’d get started early. Well, that one took about 3 minutes. :O.