What do you think of my treatments toward my SO?

By all means discuss these issues/concerns but, don’t make too many “rules” about anything. Inspite of your good intentions this whole thing kinda comes off as controlling. Just let things unfold as they will. If he wants to pay for a meal let him, if he wants to pick you up let him, all you need to say is something along the lines of ” I am happy to pay for my own meal or use public transportation but if it makes you happy to pay and pick me up, that’s fine too. I just want to be clear I do not expect it.”

As far as how often he texts you, just leave that one alone, you are creating too many rules here IMO.

See above.

Instead of instructing him on how its gonna be, why not occasionally ask if the arrangement makes him happy or if there was anything he wishes were different.
My ex wife constantly did the former. My current GF does the latter.
It’s better.

You lost me at “typical man’s ego.” With an attitude like that, don’t ever expect to have a healthy relationship.

Several points:

1) You’re overthinking this. It’s one thing to be thinking ahead. It’s another thing to be a controlling person. Your ‘rules’ make you a controlling person. I would run away from you.

2) Seems like everything is about you and your preferences. What about him? Does he have a say in anything? If this is a two-person relationship, how about some reference to him and his wants and needs?

Bottom line:

Chill. Back off. Quit being a micromanager. Let the relationship grow (or fail) organically. You can’t plan everything, and even if you do, half of it will be wrong.

If you were my girlfriend and you came to me with this last of actions, I would ask you “what’s my role? You have taken all the fun out of the relationship.”.

Really, chill. Don’t be so controlling.

Suggesting is better than demanding. “Hey, how about I pay this time?” seems better than “Don’t pay my meals anymore.” if you ask me.
“I’ll take the bus, you don’t have to drive and waste gas” sounds better than “Don’t drive me”.

Just saying, pay attention to the style of speaking.

Fluther responses here are much better than normal for this sort of thing. We really can’t answer any of this for you since we don’t know your S.O. something you don’t really need to worry about is having to tiptoe around his ego. It is so annoying when women do this. It’s 2016 not 1950.
On a personal level I like to spoil my wife pretty regularly but if I ever though she was taking it for granted or expecting it then it would not go over well. If he is that type then you will need to figure out if that is the case. If he feels like he is obligated to help because of your situation then it’s not so good, if you are making a lot of rigid rules expect to be single soon. Once you get to know each other better it will all fall into place.

Controlling, much? Why do you need to lay out all of these detailed “rules” for him? Instead, you should just talk to him about your feelings. For example, I don’t want you to feel that you should always pay for my meals. Then, just see what he says. Or, you don’t always have to feel that you pick me up. Or perhaps, if you want to, I should pay for gas sometimes.

Don’t have the relationship in your head. Have it with him. That’s what true partners do. If you’re concerned about your independence, tell him that.

I dunno, maybe try something old fashioned like communicating?

I had a girlfriend like this. I bought stuff, opened doors, and carried the groceries, because I liked her. I wanted to be nice to her.

She didn’t like it. One day confronted me,and said I made her feel helpless, by doing so much. I was very confused by this,as her previous boyfriend beat her regularly, and treated badly ,so I was trying to be a gentleman.

I tried laying off, and eventually she cheated on me and we broke up.

What did I learn? I don’t know….

But it was frustrating because I felt I couldn’t find a middle ground.

Other girlfriends have expected the gentleman treatment. Some didn’t care for it. I came away from most relationships thinking women prefer assholes. Although they all deny it, I’ve noticed they stay attached to guys who are jerks. When a guy cheats on them, lies to them, beats them, disappears for days etc. The girls cry about it, but stay with the guy. When they are with guys that seem to treat them well, they lose interest quickly. That’s from my personal experience, and observations of my female friends lives.

I had two girlfriends that I didn’t like, so I tried not to call them, or see them (ghosting was my style then.) And they were infatuated with me eventually. I couldn’t be a big enough asshole to make them leave me.

I suppose each person varies.

Or,I just have NO clue how to be in a healthy relationship.

I know that if I had the money, I’d love to pay for everything. Wouldn’t mind picking a girl up.

I used to text my most recent ex sweet dreams each night at least. Sometimes she wouldn’t respond. So one night I didn’t text her, and the next day she was mad I hadn’t texted her.

Some guys try really hard because they like the girl. Don’t punish this guy for trying to be a good man. Many men don’t even try.

Thank you all for answering the question. I just want to make it clear that I have no desire to control him. All I want is that he feels like he has a lot of freedom in this relationship and not to feel obligated to cater for my own needs, because I can handle myself pretty well. I do, however, agree that I probably got a little overboard and my planned action might make me comes off as being controlling, but really, I would never control anyone.

@Espiritus_Corvus I don’t mean to offend anyone but the feeling of being responsible to pay for your partner’s meal (among other things) is heavily ingrained in the mind of most (if not all) men that I grew up with and men that I know. I know men that feels degraded because they’re not allowed to fulfill their ‘expected obligation’ (that is, paying for date) by their partners. That serve as the basis of me using the term “typical man’s ego”. I know things probably different in US or other parts of the world but you can’t simply make me sound like I’m deliberately offending men by saying this.

The “I can and will pay for myself.” “I want to develop a code with my partner…..” “You need not text me every day but you need to text me at least twice a week” just sounds so stiff and formal. How about something along the lines of “I can pay for us sometimes, too. We can switch it up.”

“If you ever can’t take me home, I can take the bus.”

As far as the texting goes, if he does text you, it doesn’t take too long to respond with a few sentences to say hi.

Everything that @marinelife and @Espiritus_Corvus said.

Oh dear. I’m worried about the direction of evolution.

Just tell him you treasure your independence.