Why is it that in drug and alcohol addiction counseling, some of the people around the addict are called "Enablers"? Shouldn't they be called "Disablers"?

Interesting.

Here’s my take for what it is worth.
The addict starts out with no addiction. Then, they become addicted by one means or another, and enter the realm of the disabled (I wish the word were “compromised” in the case of addiction, but so be it)

Then, their so called friends, for their own selfish purposes, rather than help them overcome the disability, actually encourage it. Thus “enabler”. One follows the other.

In fact, why aren’t they called “encouragers” or “reinforcers”.

@Dutchess_III Both you and @josie do have the reason how the term for codependent behavior became known as “enabling”, because it enables the addict/alcoholic to continue in their addiction.

The dynamic is a lot more complicated than ”... for their own selfish purposes, rather than help them overcome the disability, actually encourage it.” Many times codependents think they are acting in the addict’s best interest, that they are bearing noble sacrifices. It can be as difficult or more for a codependent to break their own behavior as it is for the addict to stop using or drinking.

But to me the words “enable, encourage, reinforce” all have positive connotations, generally. “Disabler,” is a negative. If a person was confronted as a “disabler,” it would have a whole other meaning, I think. Maybe they’d take it more seriously.

I know all the psychology behind it all @zenvelo. I’ve known addicts and disablers all of my life.

Enabling has some (weird to us maybe) benefit for the enabler/family/relationship. The positive is for the enabler, not the addict.

But it should be all about the addict.

@Dutchess_III and @BellaB I disagree with both of you. The problem with the codependent is “it’s all about the addict.” And enabling is far from positive for the codependent; it is a continuation of a dysfunction.

The focus works best on breaking the dynamic of the dysfunction.

@zenvelo I’m saying it simply sounds positive compared to “disabler.” I’m not saying it is positive.
So, if everyone is in counseling for a guy who has a drinking problem, and the counselor said to the wife, “Well, you see, you’re disabling your husband in these ways…..” I believe it would have a stronger impact.

And quit preaching! I know all of what you speak.

Enable is not positive or negative. Gassing up the car is enabling the driver to drive on, whether they are delivering food to hungry orphans or driving themselves off a cliff.

@Dutchess_III Why not stop calling it enabling, then, and start calling it codependent?

And, I wasn’t preaching.

I don’t call it enabling.

I have a son who is an addict (along with some other serious issues). I’ve tried many times to ‘help’ him.

This includes giving him money monthly to get by. It’s such a long story, but I have found that all my so-called help is of no help at all.

He is in South Africa, so for example, I gave him a few thousand for a tent and some spending money at a time where I felt he really needed it. He was virtually homeless.

By the way, he was virtually homeless I know this for a fact. However, the photographs on his Facebook saw him having what I’d call a ‘blast’ with a girl he hooked up with who had money.

The money I had sent him, now became small and he used it to buy drugs. This is how I enabled him to continue purchasing drugs/alcohol.

People would write to me telling me he had stolen from them, they wanted to call the cops. I told my son and warned him to stay away, I therefore, enabled him to stay out of jail and also continue to disregard people’s rights and probably told him it’s okay to steal because I had his back. So to speak, since I do not obviously condone stealing.

The list is endless and the years are also endless, it’s been a long haul at some 20 years of his issues. He is disabled though, since deep down he is healthy, strong and very appealing to people as he also has sociopathic tendencies, however, many sociopaths do very well in life. However, despite his strengths, he is disabled by his addictions and lies. His disability has nothing to do with me. He is disabled through bad choices and bad behaviors. I try and help him because he is disabled. I have realized that I can’t anymore because I am enabling his bad choices and bad behaviors.

It is SO easy to stand on the outside, looking in, and say, “Well, duh. Quit sending him money.” But when you’re the one in the middle, it just isn’t that easy. It just isn’t. It gets worse when your kids have kids. I’ve never had a child who had a drug problem, but I’ve had to tell them “No,” for other reasons and it’s so hard. You worry so much. I feel for you @LornaLove.