Ever felt the urge to re-invent yourself?

No. I’m pretty happy with who and what I am. “reinventing myself” would be a repudiation of my current values and thoughts. It would be like acting a part in a play, where the “me” isn’t really me, and the thoughts aren’t really mine.

I can see changing certain (smaller, low level) things about me, but to reinvent in the sense of completely changing my environment and personality – it holds no appeal for me at all.

I see it as escapism and betrayal. No matter where you are now, you are from somewhere.

After Trump was elected, I thought hard about moving, for about a week. Language was one of the primary reasons I decided to stay. I would have eventually melted into whatever place I went. I like who I am, just not some of the circumstances in my life. I love the city I live in too.

As far as you go @olivier5 , from what I know of you, I like you the way you are. But you seem destined to evolve personally. A man of your travels, and tribulations is quite interesting.

@elbanditoroso I see it as escapism and betrayal. No matter where you are now, you are from somewhere.

Ever thought that, by remaining faithful to your past and present identity, you could be betraying your potential, this “other you” that you could become?

@MrGrimm888 Can’t go into the details but I don’t like the way I am now, not one bit. Perhaps that’s why the essay spoke to me so much. Like an hermit crab I’m confusingly looking for a new self/shell.

@olivier5 – no. I tend to deal with reality, not “what if”.

If you play the “if only” and “what if” game, you get tied up in knots. Frankly, trying to predict and depend on what might or might not happen in the future is dooming yourself to frustration and failure.

Ok @olivier5 . Good luck brother.

Peace n love.

I had to reinvent myself as a single person with grown children after my husband moved out. Living in the same house and having the same job have made it harder in some ways but I have a whole new set of friends and new activities and a new religious community. I’ve also had to learn to take care of all my practical needs myself. I wouldn’t say my basic personality has changed but I’ve become stronger and more independent.

If you don’t like the way you are now one bit, then you’ve got a truer self that wants to take over.

There are many ways to approach this sort of thing. Some are psychological, some arise from various life changes (such as the language/location changes already mentioned), some involve deliberate techniques, and some are spiritual (most spirituality is largely related to this – for example, “finding Jesus” and Jesus’ own death and resurrection are metaphors for this same thing, as is finding one’s Buddha nature, and others).

I’ve used quite a few different disciplines now to approach this sort of thing, and each of them has resulted in different shifts in how I am and how I experience the world, always some level of letting fall away some ill-fitting part of how I’m organized, and opening up to what seem to be more authentic, better functioning, and much happier/easier ways of being. I’ve done various styles of meditation, focusing, Feldenkrais, various Landmark techniques, psychotherapy, holistic peer counseling, various spiritual practices, workshops, retreats and treatments, oracular healing, as well as mundane things like going for walks, traveling, hanging out with interesting people, etc. They’re all interrelated and have had good and related effects.

Thanks @Zaku and @janbb, good food for thought.

New friends, new religious community, new activities… that sounds to me like the sort of metamorphosis i am talking about. The core hasn’t changed but it’s still a metamorphosis because your abilities have changed. A butterfly has the same DNA than the caterpilar it once was.

I don’t like spiritual stuff very much and am sceptical of “self-help” books and counsellors. Too narrow minded and normative. I like the world of “philosophy” better. But indeed the problem is that my philosophy has outgrown my living habits. I’ve become less materialist, more contemplative of the world’s beauty or even of the world’s tragedies. I cry more and more when listening to some songs or reading some news.

I’ve already stopped smoking, including weed which i used to consume regularly, and started running again. That’s bannal, geared to survival, but it’s a step towards an healthier mind and body.

The next step, following Lahiri, has to be seriously learning Italian, beyond my current pet talk level. I live in Italy and can use it for one, and I too feel a longing for the wild beauty of its thesaurus…

Thanks @MrGrimm888, love you too, man.

I had an interesting thought a little while ago actually… How much money would I have if I sold everything I own? Everything

The answer is quite a bit…

So here’s the analogy: When I was in high school I got really into guitar. Eventually I owned like 7 guitars. All “cheap” knockoffs. Epiphone instead of Gibson. Squire’s instead of Stratocasters. Applause instead of Ovation… Then one day I saw a 1986 Gibson Les Paul Custom (a really nice guitar) that I really wanted… I sold every guitar I had and dropped another $1200 on top of that money to get it. Essentially what I ended up doing was starting over my collection at a higher class. Over the years, the rest of the collection would come to followed suit. And in the end, why would I have hung onto those lesser models? I almost did mind you…

So then think about this… You sell all your stuff and what? Maybe start a business. Maybe invest. Or maybe you just pocket the money and go roam the world for a bit. That would greatly change you as well. Maybe it takes that kind of risk or departure to truly reinvent yourself. After-all, if you have the same clothes, same house, same art, same computer, dining table, job, etc… If you sit on the same couch, in the same house, watching the same TV… If you couldn’t let go of anything that was, can you really claim a new existence?

I don’t think of it as ‘re-inventing’. I think of it as growing and evolving. It’s about not standing still and just existing. And within this frame, I’ve reinvented myself often. I have never left my past behind. That’s part of me. I’ve moved from one side of the world to the other, and I love my new home, but I have songlines that connect me to my birthplace. My heart still keens for my old home at times and I’m fiercely proud of being a Mancunian and everything that city represents in terms of workers’ and women’s’ rights and music.

However, I wanted to experience new things and see the world and meet different people, and so I moved away. I don’t regret that decision. I see some of my former peers still going to the same pub, working in the same job, living in the same place and bemoaning how awful it is. Yet they don’t do anything to improve their lot.

I’ve changed career in major ways on at least two occasions. I have enjoyed each stage of my life, but I need to keep growing and learning. Again, everything I’ve done or learned is with me and informs my work now. I don’t regret or reject my past, it is part of me.

I think the key to reinvention is that you shouldn’t run away from things. If you are leaving something behind because it’s difficult or a problem and you haven’t resolved those challenges, they will haunt you. If you go to something then you can only grow and learn. There is nothing to say you won’t go full circle in time and end up where you started. Life is like a river. It meanders and hooks back on itself and then moves forward in a new direction. I’m loving seeing where the river of my life will take me.

@Earthbound_Misfit I think the key to reinvention is that you shouldn’t run away from things. If you are leaving something behind because it’s difficult or a problem and you haven’t resolved those challenges, they will haunt you.

I disagree here. It’s perfectly fine to run away from something that you can’t handle at some point of your life. It doesn’t mean you won’t return to it, once you’re ready. Jhumpa Lahiri is running away from English because at this point she can’t handle it—it’s too old, stuffy and sterile for her, so the only way she can be creative again is through another language. It does not mean she will never come back to English, but when and if she does, it will on her own terms, once she’s able to twist and turn her English tongue as she pleases, without regard for the boring, the dusty and the dead that stifle her creativity right now—the Shakespeares, the Jane Austens, the Henry James…

It’s also necessary to make room in your mind for the future you, and to do that you might have to throw away some stuff. Like @Esedess sold his six low-quality guitars to buy a single one of good quality. As he puts it: If you couldn’t let go of anything that was, can you really claim a new existence? Or like the gospels put it: if the grain of wheat does not die (germinate), it cannot produce new wheat. (from memory). You have to destroy something old to create something new.

I thought about how would it look like to reprogram yourself. It would be interesting, but very awkward as well. I can’t really imagine myself as someone else, entirely different than what I am now.

That doesn’t happen. You can work on yourself, get better at hiding your flaws and accentuating your virtues, but you can’t reinvent yourself.

and it has nothing to do with language.

^ A new language is like a new self.
https://newrepublic.com/article/117485/multilinguals-have-multiple-personalities

Yeah, I know that. I just don’t really think her whole life was a disaster because she spoke only one language.

She’s not saying that. Nobody is saying that we should all be learning dozens of other languages. She as an individual was disatisfied with her writing in English, as if the medium constrained her as a writer. Basically she couldn’t write anymore. Not everybody is a writer and not every writer feels constrained by a specific language. But she did.

Oh, ok

Acid comes to mind… After a long night of being crazy high, eventually you reach what we used to call “reboot mode.” About 5 hours of questioning everything you know, or believe in.

I haven’t done “cid” in many years, but every time you finish up a trip ,especially if you took more than you should, you’re kinda like a different person.

I’m not condoning drug use, but many have found it a way to alter their perspective on things.

^^ Soberness is my new drug. I’m also thinking of drinking whine more often, as a good frog should. In vino veritas.