Should I bail my ex-boyfriend [M22] for physically hurting me [F21], or just let it go and move on?
Asked by
01101101 (
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December 3rd, 2016
My relationship with my boyfriend wasn’t good from the start. It was emotionally abusive at first, and sooner it lead to punching me at one point and left large bruises on my arm, face and popped my lips (this was a year ago). I asked helped from his mom and she told me to break up with him for a moment to let things cool down, but I was stupid and so blind, I did not listen to her.
Last night we went drinking with one of his friends. We woke up this morning and while hangover, he started a conversation about my personal issues. I’m very depressed lately, and things weren’t going so good in my life. He started taunting me, then making fun of my depression, then started telling me things like I should kill myself because I’m just a burden for my family, his life and my friends. I told him to be quiet but he would never stop. This went on for full fifteen minutes. I got tired, so I just put my earphones on so I won’t hear him anymore.
I was laying on the bed. He then kicked me on my thigh. I told him what the hell was wrong with him, and he took his desk chair and threatened to throw it to me. This made me so mad I shouted and slapped him on the face. He punched me on my left hip, then stomach. I shouted at the door so his mother could hear me. “Your son is physically hurting me!” I opened the door and let his mother in, I told her what he did to me and she helped me get out of the room. She told me I should bail him and advised me that I should take a break from seeing him, which I would gladly now do so.
My hip now is very painful and bruised. I told myself the next time he hit me, I would break up with him. Now I did. Should I bail him or just move on?
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32 Answers
RUN don’t walk for the exit. No human deserves to be abused (either emotionally or physically). Your ex-boyfriend has a serious problem and will not get better. Imagine having kids with this guy and him treating your child the way he treats you. Get the hell out before you have to see what that’s like in real life.
You leave. And you don’t go back. Contact a women’s support group who can help you learn to move on from this toxic relationship. It’s not going to get any better. It will most likely get worse. You really must leave now.
MOVE ON. The hell with this guy. From everything I just read it’s clear as day. I don’t want to be an asshole or wtv but if that was me I wouldn’t have asked myself anything through even half of that. Leave this guy behind, he doesn’t care about you and never will. People who care for you won’t hurt you, period.
Dump the motherfucker already. Now. And file a police report and get a restraining order.
I hoped the bail was going to be about him being in prison.
I agree with the others. Run away!
Get out. Now. Don’t just ‘bail’. Pack up and don’t look back. Don’t wait until he’s pinned you down on the bedroom floor with his hands around your neck. It was almost too late for me as I was kicking and trying to gasp for breath. It WILL get worse. Get out, NOW!
Letting it go and moving on will lead to unending misery. Get out now while you have a chance. Have nothing more to do with this guy from this moment and forever.
Run away as far as possible and, as @zenvelo said, get a restraining order.
You surely know the answer to your question and if you don’t, listen to everyone here. We rarely speak with a unanimous voice so listen when we do. And you may indeed have to get a restraining order if he tries to pursue you.
Why the hell would you want this guy anywhere near your life? He sounds like an utter garbage person.
Hope the OP comes back and updates us as to what they decided.
Please leave this toxic relationship and never go back. It will only get worse once he knows he can do anything and you will always be there for him to punch on again and again.
You are a beautiful human being that needs to be free to find the partner that will let you grow and be the best you can be.
There is nothing redeeming about him. Even his mother knows he is bad for you.
If you can, get out of the same city or even state that he is in, just to make sure you don’t run into him where he can sweet talk you into taking him back.
Good luck. Please come back and let us know how things are going for you.
Breaking up with an abusive person does not include a bonus bail out. You know what you need to do, now DO IT! No contact, at all, period. If he refuses to leave you alone go to the police.
Don’t wait until your face is permanently disfigured or he gives you a concussion or WORSE. I wouldn’t even try to take him to court for the abuse, because that means more times of seeing him and more times for him to potentially win back your sympathy. I would run, don’t walk, away as far as possible.
Are you fucking kidding me? Why do you even need to ask? Leave him!
You already know the answer. There really is no question. You came to Fluther because you needed to vent to some people who’d read your words. Now, please do what you know you need to do.
This was bad from the start, and your still there now you ask should you leave?
Want to end up in the hospital or maybe the morgue ?
LEAVE, run, don’t look back, there are dudes out there that will be great for you you shouldn’t ever have to worry about physical harm.
LEAVE,LEAVE,LEAVE!!!!!!
You’ve been here long enough to know how rare it is that everyone agrees on an answer. So, in keeping with Fluther etiquette I will try to give a dissenting vote.
Ummm… ummm… let’s see….
Nope…. I’ve got nuthin’!
Leave!
Here’s two things that you need to know:
1) Get a restraining order.
2) Run fast, run far, run now.
@01101101 You said your relationship wasn’t good “from the start”. You seem to have a problem with reality. Not good from the start. Add physical abuse, mental abuse and you are asking should you “let go and move on”? Leave now while you still can! Not everyone gets a second chance! Believe the all above responses which say go. Now! Be safe!
He sounds like a piece of shit, loser. He’ll probably end up injuring, or killing you one day.
As far as prison? Let the fucker rot.
The OP seemed to be using the term bail in a different way than getting him out of jail. Not sure what she meant.
^ I took it as giving him another chance, not imposing responsibility, maybe bailing him out with his mother as well. ???
@Coloma yes, I took it that way too but it is an odd usage.
@janbb She probably meant bail out (usage #5 here, “To leave a place or a situation, especially quickly or when the situation has become undesirable.”).
But yeah, this one is a no-brainer: get away. For both of you, probably.
But that’s what the second part of her question – after the “or” means so she is contrasting it with that as an option.
In any case, how she should act is clear and I hope she has.
Ooooh…bail as in….get out of there/the situation, got it. Too many meanings to bail. haha
That is what I was getting in her bail message, as in get out of there.
And I hope she does.
No one female or male should ever have to worry about physical harm from a spouse or partner in a relationship.
I think you know the answer to your own question.
You have NO CHOICE but to leave this person and never look back. Please, I beseech you, if you haven’t done so yet, cut all contact today and get a restraining order.
No, it is not easy to leave an abusive relationship. I’ve been a member of this community for a long time, and if you look at my question history, you’ll see that I’ve also been with a toxic/abusive person. The best thing I ever did was kick him to the curb and never looked back. I now have a wonderful partner and am 110% happier and healthier.
Time to start loving yourself and make a fresh start, my friend. It’s the only way to heal and move forward with your life! Don’t delay. Do it now if you haven’t yet.
@janbb The OP is contrasting “should I bail on him” (leave) and “should I let it go and move on” (forget that he hurt me and move on from the incident, with him).
And I agree with everyone here that she should definitely leave immediately, and not look back.
@dappled_leaves Aha – I was taking the “it” as the relationship so while I understood the question, the wording didn’t make sense. Thanks.
Anyway, I hope she has left him for good by now.
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