How to deal with a "defeatist" personality?

Just be you, happy go lucky and maybe it might rub off a little.

Oh, you’ve met my wife.

Well she’s not quite that bad. She doesn’t cry at work. But her first words whenever I call her are, “What’s wrong?” She also worries herself sick over all sorts of silliness.

I have just resolved to stay upbeat and use every opportunity to remind her that it’s not that bad and to count her blessings.

I will say I find it difficult if I’m having a bad day and turn to her. Instead of cheering me up, she’s more likely to agree that yes, everything is shit. So that doesn’t really help.

Don’t deal with it. Ignore it. Don’t let her ruin your day, @chyna . Her issues are her issues.

Yes, it may be unpleasant, but getting involved in her neuroses isn’t going to help you.

@cookieman has a different problem. He’s married to her. He has fewer possibilities of ignoring her.

Slap her firmly on the cheek (face not arse) with your hand slightly cupped so as to not leave a mark, then yell “cheer up it might never happen!!!”
The shock alone may snap her out of her mire, I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? ;-}

Well, you can help her and give support and all that.

Or, you can leave her deal with it on her own and turn away.

You choose.

Interact as infrequently as possible. If interaction is unavoidable, make it brief. You won’t rub off on her, she will eventually get to you.

Oof. I can’t deal with pessimism, it’s hard enough to stay happy on our own sometimes without someone else dragging us down into their gloom-world. There’s always an innate want to help, but I’ve learned that with these sorts of people, the best thing I can do is draw boundaries.

I knew a women like that. If she complained about the climate where she lived (which she constantly did), I would ask why she did not consider moving. Then she had a million reasons why that wouldn’t work. I finally learned not to engage in any long conversations with her so she didn’t have a chance to bring me down.

I can’t stand people like that. I avoid them. I don’t have time to try to change people. If they are like that now and then, everyone gets in a bad mood sometimes and so it’s ok. If it’s all the time, I don’t have time for it.

I know folks like that and often wind up adoring them. It must be the satisfaction in coming across souls more miserable than myself, but I can tell you that some of the funniest (and sharpest) people I know are plagued by depression. The wife thinks me demented when I tell her that Rodney Dangerfield (God love him) was the funniest man on earth. No respect at all.

You could always try shocking her with a candid statement such as ”.........( whatever her name is ) are you aware that almost everything you say is of a negative and gloom and doom nature? Just something to think about because I have certainly noticed that you rarely, if ever, have anything positive to say and your negativity is starting to wear on me/us ( co-workers.) Might be worth a shot, it might plant a tiny seed of awareness in her mind and cause her to catch herself. hey, even one catch would be progress. haha

I admit to being a bit like that myself, eg when people ask me how I am doing, I routinely respond “not too bad” or “surviving” rather than something like “splendid”. This said, I don’t worry about stuff, nor do I ever complain. I just find super-positive people annoying.

Anyway, my way to deal with overly negative personalities is to double-up on them. If they say: “I am pretty sure I have cancer”, I’d say “yeah, you do look terrible. How many days do you think you got left?” Or if they say “this office / work environment / city really sucks”, I’d say “Yes, it’s hell on earth.” I try to mirror their pessimism, with a vengence.

My idea is that they basically seek reassuring words. If I give those words to them, they’ll keep coming to me for more. Therefore I should make sure to give them MORE reason for concern instead, so that they seek their confort from somebody else next time. In my experience, after a while they start to avoid telling me such stuff. Sometimes they even realize how excessive their pessimism is by seeing mine. They’d say: “oh come on, it’s not that bad after all”...

Wait for @Seeks answer and follower her advice on how to deal with this Debbie Downer. I try to avoid these types at all costs but if and when I have to be around them, after a while I lose patience and start to get all snarky and sarcastic. So if she said “at least I won’t be going to jail”, I would reply….oh but you would look so good in an orange jumpsuit!

Avoid her like the plague.

This falls into the ‘accept what you cannot change’ category for me. So I too avoid such people. If I can’t avoid them, I ignore their contribution to the conversation. I just do not engage with them beyond being polite.

I work with a lady who is like that. I found the best thing for me is not to ask how they are doing unless you want to listen to negative Nancy. My coworkers and I usually tend to compliment something she is wearing that way we a acknowledging her, and when she is talking, one of us will steer the conversation in another direction. I know it sounds rude, but we want her to be part of the group instead of feeling left out, and we don’t want the doom and gloom.

Eeyores. Sometimes they can be funny, especially when they’re self-depricating. But most of the time they are a pain in the ass. If you can’t just walk away from them, tie them down and set up the electrodes. Every time they open their mouths with something negative, light their asses up. Could take few days before you see an improvement. But they are good days.

Watch Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel again.

Is there nothing that girl can’t do?