Has anyone close to you ever done something that caused you to lose respect for them?

Yup – my Ex for walking away without giving me a chance to work on things.

You point out that he said this sarcastically….I can’t help you develop an ability to separate your revulsion from his sarcastic remarks.

Yes, many times on my long life. Many of the people I never looked at in the same way again.

In your case, I would let the uncle know how I feel about what he said in a calm voice.

@Cruiser what about his sarcasm makes his comment less gross and sexist?

Yes. It involved drugs, intoxication, and incredibly crude behavior.

I love my dad. I mean he’s my dad, it goes without saying.
I find it a bit difficult to love him, though, when he starts saying things like “Don’t you dare bringing a Croat/Hungarian/black man in my house!” or “We would’ve survived the WWII way better if we joined Hitler, but those Brits fucked it all up.” or “Roasting vegetables in lard is way healthier than in vegetable oil” or “You really believe in Darwin’s theory?” or other things…

Not that I don’t respect him, but my respect gets on a slightly lower level when he starts saying stuff like that…

@Sneki95 are there many black people in Eastern Europe?

No. That is not a reason for some to dislike them or be racist.
There are a lot of Gypsies. They are equally hated.

@Sneki95 it seems strange that your father would mention them at all.

I think “gypsies” prefer to be called Roma, as was taught to me by a former jelly who is one.

@Berserker Yeah, you’re right.

A very good friend of over twenty-five years. He was an incorrigible hounddog when it came to women. I suppose we both were. The women didn’t seem to mind. It was OK when we were young and combing beaches surfing and diving together, working odd jobs on the beach to support our lifestyle..

But later, we became nurses. For a time, we worked in the same hospital. It was rumored that he was hitting on female patients. This presents a huge ethical problem. When I witnessed him hitting on a grieving family member visiting her dying mother, I was appalled and let him have it with both barrels that night.

He wouldn’t change his ways, so I distanced myself from him and eventually only saw him at social gatherings of mutual friends. It would have been nice to have ended up two mensches on benches feeding the seagulls on the beach we spent our youths on, remembering old times in our later years, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Seeing as how my family is peppered with addicts or every sort (drugs, alcohol, gambling), yeah, a few dozen times.

Short answer is yes…

Everyone I’ve ever known has done something. I would imagine however, that I have done something to lose their respect some times . So it is a ever evolving thing…

My best friend in college was super fun to be around 90% of the time and the other 10% of the time he was throwing temper tantrums over stupid things like losing at video games. Eventually it became too much immaturity to bear and I had to stop associating. Unfortunately this happened before the end of our time living together. Last few months were rough.

Yes. There have been a few occasions. A close relative who I had had an argument with told my husband “you should control her”. I’d like to see him try. Thankfully, my husband was appalled that my “neanderthal” relative would suggest such a thing.

@AnonymousAccount8 For an unknown reason you seem hell bent on indicting all forms of douche bags who for whatever reason have ruffled your feathers. The fact that you specifically name the Clintons…I can’t fault you there.

@Cruiser I have no idea what you’re talking about. Anyway, perhaps you could try answering the question instead of just attacking me.

There was that friend who was very close to me. She was like a sister to me and was always there to support everything I did. We were on good terms for some years until one day. Long story short, she asked for help. It was a difficult situation and I sent all the help I could. Then it reached the point that exceeded my ability, I just told her to manage on her own with the help I already provided. She didn’t listen and went on bashing about why I was so selfish and started giving me the cold shoulder for some days.

It jusy blew my mind how quickly someone could change based on how much they got from me…

I’ve learned that people are so gray sometimes, they are not black or white. We all fuck up, we all say weird things. We also have opinions that we can’t or won’t agree on. My father was a bigot, racist and fat shamer. I learned from him to be totally different. I wish all people were consistent and perfect to my way of thinking, it causes me great distress. That’s why I have more or less divorced myself from such a notion.

Sure, most of us have, especially the older you get. Tis the folly of human nature to err.
I try to be open minded and cut people slack for some of their stuff but, if you are a liar, a cheat, a bigot, or a moody bitch or bastard with little emotional control yep, you will certainly fall into the ” your actions have changed my feelings towards you” camp.
My most recent experience is a “Christian” woman who made a racist reference towards a Japanese neighbor, mocking the womans broken english in a stereotypical fashion. Blew my mind and yep, forever changed my perception of her. I was truly stunned.

I have also observed how this person seems to have no problem telling lots of little white lies, and while we all can tell a little white lie on occasion this woman seems to use LWL’s as her first, go to, defense, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

I cut off my little brother due to his dependence on drugs and alcohol. He became a chronic liar, and totally unreliable. He wrecked every car in the family at least once. He made the last years of our mother’s life hell, because she couldn’t give up on him. The last, most of all, was unforgivable. He has never made any attempt to stop his substance abuse. He even married a fellow substance abuser for companionship and financial support— the craziest, most unstable and violent person I’ve ever met in my entire life. She is the recipient of a large family trust fund, so neither have to work for a living. The only people in the family who will have anything to do with him live thousands of miles away from him and don’t have to witness his deterioration. Politically, he has become an angry ultra-right wing racist, like many substance abusers I’ve watched in my lifetime.

I miss the charming, bright boy I grew up with, the young man I used to know, but he is possessed just as if he were possessed by some medieval demon. And now, years later, that sharp young mind, his health and good looks are all but destroyed.

@Coloma it sounds like her behavior might be explained by a personality disorder.

@Espiritus_Corvus that’s really sad, I’m sorry.

@AnonymousAccount8 I don’t think so, she is in her 60’s and I think she is just a closet racist based on her religion and upbringing in a very conservative family and finds lying easier than confronting those she doesn’t want to say ‘no” to, straight up and out in the open.
Many personality disorders do fade to a much lesser degree as people mature.

My husband talks back to his 84 year old mother and I
just think that is truly disrespectful but he has always been
that way with her and she lets him. I would never even think
of talking back to either of my parents now or when I was a kid.
He had a rough childhood….birthdays and Christmas were taken
away from him and the other siblings just days before because
of money problems among other things. Now he hates holidays
so I always took up the slack when my sons were small. He is very
resentful of his mother….I would give the world to be able to talk to
my mom again…just one more time but she is in heaven.

Sadly, yes. And I am not sure how to get around it.