I'm confused could you help me out, rest in details?

And I promise no cell or driving rants.

I see it as a variation of paying it forward. If I’m nice to someone, they’ll hopefully be nice to others, and they’ll be nice to even more people and eventually it could get back to me.

Sometimes I can actually see it in action,sometimes it’s a big old crapshoot.

Since it rarely costs me more to be nice than not nice, I’ll go with nice/kind/polite.

I think part of the reward is the good feeling I get when I’m nice or kind. I don’t like the bad feeling I get when I’ve been a jerk to others.

Be kind and generous to other people because it is the right thing to do. On average, you will probably find that you receive kindness and generosity in return. If you are a truly good person, you won’t notice, because you won’t be keeping score.

I joked about this in a previous question (was it one you asked @chyna? ), but I mean this in all seriousness: You are a Canadian; we have a blueprint for this. Get your hands on the first two Anne of Green Gables movies and sit down and watch them. The entire point of Anne’s character is that she gives with all of her heart, and that changes everyone around her. These are movies, so it’s a bit schmaltzy and too perfect, but you know, the same thing really does happen in real life, just on smaller scales. Sometimes, it’s easier to understand such things in allegory than to understand them when they are explained in words.

I always took “treat others as you wish to be treated” to mean not “treat others kindly so that they’ll treat you kindly too” but rather “treat others kindly because they’re just as human as you are and deserve it as you deserve it.”

The warning is about the part where you might expect some behavior from others. One can get into a mindset where one expects others to behave in a certain way because of how you behave towards them, and that can often lead to resentment and messy situations where people act as though they deserve something for their positive treatment of others (and even resulting in negative behavior if they don’t), which can be a sneaky (consciously or not) way of trying to get something from someone else rather than giving unconditionally.

There’s also a common more elaborate (and often mostly/all subconscious and/or culturally reinforced) form of this where someone feels some unconscious shame (almost everyone has some toxic shame festering somewhere in their psyches) and acts very benevolently towards others, with the payoff being that they avoid dealing with their shame and instead focus on how benevolent they are being, collecting thanks and compliments from others, and comparing and being compared to others for how selfless and giving they are.

The problem isn’t the benevolent behavior itself, but the expectations and inauthentic meanings attached to it.

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (positive, directive). “Whatever is hurtful to you, do not do to any other person” (negative, prohibitive). These statements express the same rule of conduct, often called the Golden Rule.

I’ve always interpreted both truisms as standards of conduct, not as expectations of payback. This injunction is very different from the concept of reciprocity; it’s a unilateral commitment to other people’s well-being, without the anticipation of anything in return.

You say that you want to be treated kindly, but what living creature doesn’t want the same thing? That’s very different from keeping score and demanding that mankind reward you.

The Ethic of Reciprocity is pretty consistent over time and across belief systems.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/reciproc2.htm

^ yes. Moral rules are a social contract that imply some degree of reciprocity. If you treat someone nicely for years and that someone is rude with you for years, you’re entitled to change your attitude to that person. But don’t expect systematic and immediate reciprocity all the time. That would be unrealistic and yes, morally wrong. It would mean you’re just bargaining rather than showing a good example.

One of the advantage of the golden rule is examplarity: showing to the rude ones how it’s done. It will take a certain amount of time for that example to take effect on other people, and it will probably never work on some people whose heart is “made of stone”. Eg kindness and non-violence could never work with the nazis.

The basic premise behind these rules are that EVERYONE has to follow them, in order for it to work. Since you can only be responsible for your own behavior, it has to start with YOU.

I don’t treat people with courtesy and respect because I will receive the same in return, I do it because that’s how I feel people should be treated. I do it because I’m a decent human being. If someone doesn’t reciprocate, I always try (I don’t always succeed) to remember that I have no idea what is happening in that person’s life right now. Perhaps they’re ill, perhaps they’re going through marriage problems, or they’ve just lost their job, or can’t pay their bills. I also try to remember that I’m anything but perfect myself. A bonus, and it is a bonus and not an expectation, is that you tend to start to see the good rather than that bad in people, not to mention if you respond with kindness, you often do receive kindness and goodwill in return. So it is a win-win situation.

Thanks for the answers, and see no rants I am being nice.

They are both correct and not conflicting. Keep reading it over and over and I think you will get it.

Learn Aloha and kokua !